Feeling Not So Secure

I feel so much better having the alarm in the house. I really didn't realize how the break-in had affected me. Saturday night, after everyone left, I was all alone in the house. I did my normal thing. Locked the house up and went upstairs to my room. I was sitting at the computer and my door flew open. Then I started hearing noises. It scared the shit out of me. I closed and locked the door, then set my alarm. I didn't leave my room until the morning. I know the wind blew open my door and the noises where the everyday noises my house makes, but it scared me. Last night, same damn thing. Soon as it got dark, I locked myself in my room with the alarm on and never left until this morning. I didn't think it affected me, until I was by myself. I know I have to get over this fear, but damn if it just isn't hitting me now. The bastards who broke-in, took away my since of security. I have never been one to have that taken away from me. I have always been the first one to check something out, when something seems out of place. I never once thought of my safety. I was the one who left my doors unlocked all the time. There were nights I would forget to lock the front door (I know, not very bright, but I had no fear). Now, every little noise makes me jump. I even keep my bedroom door locked during the day now if I am in my room. If Sniper was home, I know I wouldn't be like this, but having him gone, is a whole new ball game. I really am starting to miss Sniper so much (not like I didn't before). Tomorrow I start my new job and am very excited. I want to share this excitement with him. I want to be able to pick up the phone today and talk to him. Tomorrow when I come home and I want to be able to tell him all the details. Instead it will have to be in a letter. It's just not the same. Everything is finally starting to sink in. I know part of the problem is my kids have been home with me through the last month of his deployment. When they weren't I was staying so busy. The last few days, I have not done much of anything, but sit here on this computer and ignore the rest of the world. Tomorrow is a new day, of a new life for me and for us. I just wish Sniper was here to revile in it with me. Sniper, I love you with all my heart and miss you so much. Each day is a day closer to us being one again. dyzgoneby