Christmas Reflection

The last few weeks I have just wanted to hide from life. I couldn't seem to look past the things in my life that had gone wrong and continuing. I have a had so many changes in my life this last 6 months that I have been on one big roller coaster. Lots of wonderful events have happened, but I haven't been able to get past the bad. I am truly believe someone is looking out for me. I have been stressed that this Christmas I would not be able to provide a great Christmas for my kids and pay all my bills. Somehow, someway, they had a better year then they have had in a long time. They were so spoiled and I was able to make sure they had just about everything they wanted. I know it's not about the monetary "things" we can provide, but providing a loving home. I have that. They have that. I just wanted more for once. They have had to give up so much the last few years because of Jackass and his bitch of a daughter. And yes she was the most spoiled little shit I had ever met. Drama Queen had to compare to what she had or didn't have and what this little shit had. And everytime I spent money, my money at that, on the kids (which was very few times) he would yell at me for spending money frivolously. I never spent money on anything unless it was necessary. I hadn't even bought myself clothes in years. As I was looking around my house last night with the kids, they both told me how happy they are in our house. They love there home, there rooms and yes there gifts. They are truly happy. Sniper was finally able to met my father Christmas morning. My father stopped by as Sniper was leaving (0700). They talked for a few minutes before they both left. Sniper was talking to my father about us getting married. Later on, in the morning, I was talking to my father and he asked me if we were getting married this next month. I let him know it won't be until after he comes back from this deployment, my father was actually disappointed. Now that in itself is strange. My father has never been one to see anything I do as a smart move. In his eyes, I can never seem to pick the right one for me. I knew who the one for me is, I just couldn't get my head out of my ass to do something about it. I will give him that point. I have always been the black sheep in the family that can never seem to get anything right. That's untrue. I am the only one who has my life put together and never been in jail. I am the only one who cherishes my children and puts them before anything and everyone else. I am the only one who has made so many sacrifices for my kids. Most people would have given up......getting off track. It was a awesome feeling to have Sniper tell my dad, we would be getting married and how much he loves me. It was wonderful for my father to accept this and actually be happy at one of my decisions. Another memory in time to hold onto. On to reflections....everytime, over the last few weeks, I start to hide in a shell and think the worst, something positive pops up. I will leave you with this: "You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you're going to live. Now." dyzgoneby