I'm Still Here

The last few weeks have just flew by (yeah for me). With the new job, I haven't had anytime to breathe. I get up in the morning (0500), get ready for work, go to work, get off work, pick up kids, spend a few hours with them, hit the rack (2130) and start all over the next day. I am defiantly back to the land of the working and very exhausted. I love my new job. The people I work with are very friendly and outgoing. I have spent the last five years in almost complete solitude. I worked in a office with just two of us, my broker (Gunny) and myself. Even though I had a job that I worked with the public, most of our clients never came into the office. That hasn't changed, but I now have people who work around me. I don't sit and stare at the walls and wait for the clock to hit the mark to go home. I now look up and think OMG, it's time to go home and I still have shit to do. I love staying busy and this is just the beginning. I am now working with Gunny again. He is a wonderful man and takes very good care of me. In the next few weeks I will be studying for my securities licenses and my hell will begin, this is a good thing. By the time I have all my licenses (three), Sniper should be almost home. I heard from Sniper again today. I was at work when he called and we talked for 30 minutes. It was the middle of the night for him and he sounded so tired. However, it was so wonderful to hear his voice. It was the usual, "missing you" stuff. Along with my list of items he needs. It still seems I am the only one sending him anything. I felt bad, but then he told me there are some of the Marines in his unit who haven't received anything. That broke my heart. He is somewhat hiding all the stuff he is receiving from me, as not to upset or rub it in to those who haven't. I will have there names soon and will start sending them something. We did talk about that it has already been six weeks, a month and a half or 3 paychecks down depending on how you look at. We agreed counting in months would be the best. So, what's he go and do as we are getting ready to hang up, we have 385 days to go. F*ck, I don't want to know the days, that's too many. I like the months much better. We seem to have fallen into a pattern of him calling me once a week. That is something we both never expected. He is a little worried about me and wants to make sure I am ok and I am. It's not easy, but I am now falling into a grove. I love hearing from him. I also received my first email from him (this is a huge deal from someone who hates the computer). What it said "Hey babe. I will be calling soon tonight. Love me." That's it, a simple one liner. I laughed when I read it. I told him one liners were good, I guess he took it at face value. Oh well, I will take any type of communication I can get. The last few days, there has been no tears from my end, until today. For some reason today I felt a little emotional (no it's not PMS). I think it is because I have been so tired. (I have fallen asleep in my cubicle twice this week, opps). I was listening to the radio and the song "Letters From Home" started to play and the damn water works started. I was so pissed at myself. I took a walk and came back refreshed. Then after he called, the damn water works started again. Fortunately for me everyone at my new job, knows I have a Marine in Iraq and are very understanding and supportive (I wouldn't give a f*ck if they weren't, it just makes it easier). Something that has been weighing heavy on my heart is Sniper's injury. I had been put in a position that has made me feel uncomfortable. Sniper still hasn't told his mom he was hurt, he just told his dad this last week. He didn't want to upset her. Well, I talked to her today and it seems Wingman let it slip that Sniper was hurt a few weeks ago. She told me that he had been hurt and then asked if I knew. Now, this puts me in a bad position. I won't lie. I am one of the few who will tell the truth (if you don't want the truth, then don't ask me). So I told her, he called me as soon as the phones were back up right after it happened. She doesn't know all the details, but she knows. She also doesn't know that the Marine with Sniper has passed away and it has affected Sniper. Now, I am in a more precarious position. One, I know all the details, how much do I divulge to her? Two, do I tell Sniper his mom knows? I hate this type of shit. I don't like being put in the middle. I did ask her if and when it happens again, does she want me to call and tell her. She said she did. Now, how much of the conversation do I tell Sniper? I tell him just about everything, I never hold too much back. dyzgoneby