Standing on the Edge

You ever feel like you are standing on the edge of a cliff and not sure which direction to head? Your not sure if you should jump, run the other direction or just drop where you are at and curl into a ball and cry. I am at that point. I am teetering on the edge and I am realizing if something doesn't give soon, I am going over. I know I need to let somethings go, but I am not sure how or what. I have already given-up my kids for the last 8 weeks (I miss the hell out of them and can't wait to get back to a normal life). I have already given up my side business (someday I will go back to it). I gave up cleaning my house (don't look at all the dust bunnies everywhere). I gave up putting laundry away (you should see the huge clothes pile in my room). I gave up doing yard work (I don't think anyone wants to continue to fix everything I break anyway). I am trying to stay off the computer more. There isn't much left. I work (think about Sniper and the exam), study (think about Sniper and the exam), sleep (think about Sniper and the exam). Pretty exciting life I lead. So why can't the stress just go away. I am also too the point where other's are taking notice and feeling it as well. A few weeks ago is when I started to notice it more. My mom called me to say good morning, within the first minute I yelled at her and told her I had to go. It wasn't until a few hours later, when I looked down at the calendar, realized I had f*cked up good, it was my mom's birthday. I ended up calling her back crying and apologizing, but the damage had been done. She may have forgiven me, but I haven't forgiven myself. This morning my mom called as usual and I let loose on her again, then started crying. I don't think she is going to put up with my bullshit much longer. My emotions are running all over the place again. At work today, Gunny pulled me aside and asked me if I was ok. I answered him with my typical response "Yep, I'm good to go." He could feel the stress radiating off of me and asked if I regretted transferring with him. Nope, I am happy with the decision I/we made. I am looking forward of taking care of Sniper and being his Sugar Momma. I just want to get past these damn exams, they are truly killing me. Studying for this exam has been a bitch (which at the rate I am going isn't going to happen in 2 weeks). Some of this shit just isn't sinking in. I am trying, but my mind just continues to wonder elsewhere. And right on queue.....It just dawned on me as I was reading the first few paragraphs of this, my mood turned to shit when I became side lined from my ankles. I need to get off my lazy ass and do something. If it wouldn't be pushing it and wasn't so dark out tonight I would take a run. Not that I can run quiet yet, but soon. I can walk a few miles though..... hmmmm, maybe I will get a flashlight..... I am going to have to try this tomorrow and hope that helps my mood. The only other thing would be holding Sniper in my arms, but I have to wait just a little while longer for that. dyzgoneby Sniper, soon you can come put your boot up my ass and keep me in line.....maybe. Then again, I think I will relent and start listening to you. I love you.