Adjustments and Ramblings

Trying to get back to life as I know it is slow going. Sniper has been up here for a few days and now is up in Washington visiting his boys (enjoy your time sweetheart with the boys, you deserve it). This last week I was having a conversation with SM (Sniper's Mom) about the first week and a half Sniper has been home and how I was feeling. How down and depressed I had been. I went almost the first week and a half walking around like a zombie. Ignoring phone calls, not wanting to talk to anyone and crying endlessly. She told me, "Dyz, it's been a let down for you. It's not what you expected. It never is. It will get better, I promise." I am hoping, but not holding my breath. I have read about what to expect being reunited and returning to some normalcy in life after your other half has been deployed. I thought I had prepared myself and thought I could handle anything thrown my way. My heart just assumed we would fall right back to the way things were before his deployment, but my head knew better. It's never what you expect, no matter how prepared you think you are. Life had a different direction for me and I couldn't handle it. I am adjusting and doing better now. Once Sniper came home this week (where his family & I live), life went back to some what of the way it was before deployment. We have enjoyed the last few days with each other. I still had to work, but at night I was able to enjoy "us" and his family. The other night we (Sniper, Bubba, Bubba's girlfriend & I) went to the movies at 2220. Sidenote....do not, do not waste your money on seeing "Miami Vice" It has to be one of the lamest, dumbest, incredibly stupid movies I have ever seen. Then you count the blowing shit up with one just returning from the shitbox. Ya, lots of fun for him. We didn't get back to my house until 0145 (I had to be up at 0500 and work by 0730). We both decided to say "f*ck it" and pulled an all nighter. It was well worth every ounce of sleep deprivation I went through at work. We had a wonderful "us" evening. We both needed it. He did make a comment though, where is all the beer you told "Uncle Jim" that would be here? Opps! I now have the fridge fully stocked with his beer. Changes I have noticed. His temper is a little shorter or maybe I am just seeing more. He is more vocal and isn't putting up with as much bullshit anymore. Conversations between us that result in "we won't go there" or "you don't want to go there." Life has changed us both over the last 6 months. We have never in 15 1/2 years had an argument, heated discussions or "stressing getting one's point across." This one is changing slowly. We woke up his mom the other night with him telling me (in that Marine tone, just a little raised) "you don't want to go there with me." Oh yes I do....but I kept quiet and ended up just letting it go. Sniper, you know what I am talking about and yes it is making this weekend incredibly difficult on me. I am trying to be understanding and supportive, but this is not easy. Reverse our roles. So forgive me if I wallow in some self pitty, have a somewhat pissy attitude, quiet, solem and drink a little too much this weekend. It's always been interesting and becoming more interesting by the day, because I am just as stubborn at him, we both have a temper and I am having to relent (my personal decision) and just let shit go a lot more. At least I am trying to. Another adjustment for me. A positive change, we have grown a lot closer through all of this. I didn't think we could get any closer, boy was I wrong. We have always been great in the communication department. Now, it has been turned up a few more notches. Is that possible? What it boils down to? Life is too short and we take nothing for granted. OK, off to study here, before I get another "stern" talking to. Damn that man knows how to get his point across. dyzgoneby Sniper, I am looking to growing old (110) with you, celebrating are 50th wedding anniversary, enjoying our grandkids together and living in our dream house. My love for you grows stronger by the minute and I didn't think that was even possible. I love you with all my heart, body and soul.