Thinking Out Loud

I am still here. I haven't gone anywhere, just been very busy. I haven't really had anything really witty or interesting to say. I have been studying a lot more, spending time with the munchkins and spending some much needed time with the love of my life.....Sniper. Life is good. I haven't even been searching my favorite blogs like I was the last few months. Not much time and Sniper might just kick my ass if I keep spending the same amount of time on the computer like I was. At least until I pass my Exam. However, I have popped into a few and I am trying to keep up with those who have loved ones coming home soon or there loved one have came home in the last few months. For those who have came home from Iraq, I have noticed lately, there is lots of readjusting issues and issues with PTSD. Readjusting is hard for all of us. Yes, those that have been deployed to hell and back it is pure hell. I am not trying to diminish this fact in anyway. Those of us left behind and trying to readjust to having are loved one gone to a war zone, being shot out, wounded, endless worrying if tonight we are going to get a knock on the door, taking care of a family at home, trying to put on the facade nothing is bothering us and then him back home is also hard. Just on a different level. We, couples are learning each other all over again, how to communicate, work together as one again. Our men have learned to shut off there feelings and emotions. This is how they survived, but we did this as well. Once home, we all have to re-learn to open up those lines of communications. It takes time and lots (and lots) of patience. It takes taking a deep breath and trying not to lose control. You add PTSD to the mix and it can be interesting to say the least. We (as females) can continue to hold back, afraid our loved one might explode. There tempers are much shorter than before. They can go from happy go lucky to extremely pissed in zero to 2.2 seconds for the smallest things. But, you need to remember who the man is you feel in love with and that he is still there. He is still the same man, just a little rougher around the edges. Do not hold back what you are feeling. The reason this has me thinking is I think I might have given Sniper the perception that I am afraid of him. Which is the farthest from the truth. I am not afraid of him. I know he would never hurt me, physically or emotionally. That's just not the man he is. I just don't want his anger pointed at me, but isn't that what we all want as a female. We try to cuddle and we want to make everyone around us happy. Hmmmm, just thinking out loud here. I know things will never be the same as before. None of us can go back and change what has transpired through a deployment with them or within yourself. However, I think with working hard as a couple things can be better. Follow me here. When our loved one is deployed, all we have is communication. That's it, nothing else. Most of the times, it pulls you closer together as a couple. You learn to communicate more than most civilian couples. You learn to work together as a team, through the miles. You learn to make the most of everyday and make each of them count as if it was your last one. Reality is, it just might be the last days together. We all know this reality all too well. Once home, why should it be any different? Once you get through the re-adjustment issues, even if that means seeking help (him, you or together), your relationship can be stronger than before. Just thinking out loud here......now off to study. dyzgoneby Sniper, I love you with all my heart. I will always be standing proudly beside you. Even if that means another tour in Iraq. I will be here, simply because I love you and everything you stand for as a man and yes, as a Marine. I do understand.