Easter Weekend

First and foremost I would like to wish everyone a Happy Easter!!! Now as to my weekend plans and what will probably happen for me. This weekend I had/have plans to study for my Series 7 Exam. I was off early from work yesterday and had planned to spend it picking up the house (notice I didn't say clean) and studying for the remainder of the day. Well, on my way home from work Bubba called me. Him and his buddy "Porky" (I didn't pick this for him, his friends call him this) wanted to hang out with me for the afternoon and evening with me. Done. There goes my plans for the day. We had a great time. These boys are great kids. Both there parent's should be proud of them. Bubba and I are getting closer as we progress through this deployment. Him and I have this bond growing. He is the spittin image of his dad, all the way down to his mannerism. It's kinda scary, I met Sniper when he was just a few years older than his son is now. We both can talk to each other about how we are feeling. I do hold a lot back though, he is almost 16 and I can't tell him everything. But for him, he doesn't have to worry about how I will precieve him. He can relinquish the barriers with me. Tell me his feelings, he can vent, and he can ask me questions about his dad and the missions his dad has been going on. Again, I can't tell him too much, he doesn't need to worry. There are some things I will have to just hold in. I keep him as close as I can and call him a few times during the week to check on him. Weekends, we try and spend at least one day together. I am not his mom and never will be. I just want to be a good friend to him. 15 years ago, the first time Sniper and I were together (you can read the story of us here), Bubba was only 8 months old. I fell in love with that little boy, as if he were my own. Sniper and I did a lot together with Bubba. It was interesting being 20 and going on a date with a baby, but we always had fun. It was hearting breaking when Sniper and I didn't make it through together, not just for us, but Bubba as well. Now, years later, I find myself wanting to wrap my arms around him again, as if he were my own son. It's a tough line, one that I can not cross. It's not because I don't want to, it's just I did not raise him, Sniper's mom has. I have not been there with him growing up. I hope this makes sense. .....I am digressing a little on my weekend plans here. The rest of the weekend I plan on studying, but so far I haven't even cracked open the book. It's not for a lack of not wanting to, but my mind wander's. I would rather sit in front of this computer and search for anything I can to bring me closer to Sniper. It's hard when no one is home, I am completely by myself this weekend. No kids (they are with Jedi for the week), my family is out of town (Bodega Bay, this is a Easter tradition), and Sniper is in Iraq. I can't blame anyone else, I did it to myself. I choose this for myself. I put in my head I want to be alone so I can study. I tell everyone I have plans. Then I sit here and do nothing. I am going to have to force myself on weekends like this to keep going, study. It's harder knowing it is a Holiday weekend and it's all about family and my family is not here. These days I am not as emotional as I once was a few months ago. I have found though that I am more quiet than before. Me quiet....yeah right! I am wish our Marines and Military a Happy Easter and their families as well! Dyzgeonby