Days Gone By

"Yesterday is already a dream, And tomorrow is only a vision, but today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope."

In Afgahnistan
  • AfghaniDan
  • Army Girl


  • In Iraq
  • 2-28 BCT Iron Soldiers
  • American Citizen Solider
  • Another Army Trip
  • Bandit.three.six
  • Back in the Sandbox
  • Badgers Foward
  • Charlie Company
  • Chairborne Stranger
  • Combat Medic In Iraq
  • Desert Excursion
  • Doc in the Box
  • Fraser's Back to Iraq
  • Fun With Hand Grenades
  • Grey Eagle
  • Her View in Iraq
  • Jack Army
  • Just Another Thunderhorse Roughneck
  • Justice Soldier
  • Marketing in Iraq
  • Medic Evolved
  • Pass The Brass
  • The Sandbox
  • Sgt Hook
  • T.F. Boggs
  • TBone's War Journal
  • Walts Iraq Blog
  • Watch Your Six

    Air Force
  • Dude Where's the Beach
  • Fix 4 RSO
  • Linked in USAF

    Army
  • 365 and a Wake-up
  • A Long Strange Trip
  • Across the Pond
  • Alexander the Average
  • American Solider
  • Be a Simple-Kind of Man
  • Dadmanly
  • Firepower Forward
  • From My Position...On the Way!
  • Greg's Notes
  • J Barne's Coffee Shop
  • Ma Deuce Gunner
  • Soldier's Mind
  • Tanker Brothers
  • Where I Stand
  • Who's Your Baghdaddy
  • Wordsmith at War

    Marines
  • A Soldier's Perspective
  • Akinoluna
  • America's Son
  • Drunken Wisdom
  • Fire and Ice
  • Flight Pundit
  • Frank Speaks Out
  • From the Halls to the Shores
  • Green....Again
  • How Did I Get Here?
  • In The Rear with The Beer: Adventures in Garrison
  • Myskatterbrain
  • One Marine's View
  • Midnight in Iraq
  • Rule 308
  • Sandbox Chronicles
  • SandGram
  • Team Med-Fah

    Navy
  • Froggy Ruminations
  • Randon Thoughts of Yet Another Military Member
  • They Call us, Doc


  • Recruiting
  • Adventures of a Detailed Recruiter
  • Adventures of Mauser Girl
  • Confessions of A Military Recruiter
  • Recruiting Tirade
  • Sgt Lori


  • Veterans
  • Argghhh! The Home Of Jonah's Military Guys +1
  • Blackfive
  • Buzz Patterson
  • Drop and Give Me 20
  • Frankly Opinionated
  • Gun Line
  • Gunn Nutt
  • Hello Iraq
  • Indepundit
  • Michael Yon
  • Michael Yon's Frontline Forum
  • Milblog Wire
  • Milblogging.com
  • Military Outpost
  • Mudville Gazette
  • OPFOR
  • Semper Gratus!
  • Vets For Freedom


  • Military Families
  • A Solider & his Wife
  • A Solider's Wife
  • A Texan Abroad
  • Air Force Family
  • An Army Wife's Life
  • Andi's World
  • Army of Mom
  • Army Wife
  • ArmyWifeToddlerMom
  • CaliValleyGirl
  • Camouflaged Daydreams
  • Consider How the Lilies Grow
  • Daily Life of A Marine Mom
  • Diary of a SAHM
  • Dirty Days
  • Erika's Blog
  • For My Sanity
  • Great Googly Moogly
  • Homefront Six
  • Hooah Wife and Friends
  • Jill Army
  • Julie Anna Infantry Wife
  • Kbug
  • Keep My Soldier Safe
  • Kept Woman
  • Learning to Live
  • Life in this Girl's Army
  • Marine Corps Moms
  • Melanie N Stuff
  • My Life as a Military Spouse
  • My Side of the Puddle
  • Patiently Waiting
  • Patriette
  • Proud Infantry Wife
  • Seven Inches of Sense
  • Soldier's Mom
  • SpouseBuzz
  • Two Blue Lines
  • Updates on My Soldier
  • World Well
  • You Betcha I'm a Proud Army Mom


  • Military and Supporters
  • AnySoldier.com
  • DesertExile
  • Fuzzlicious Thinking
  • Michelle Malkin
  • Milblogs
  • Military Blog
  • PC Free Zone
  • Politics of A Patriot
  • Redneck's Revenge
  • Righty in a Lefty State
  • Soldier's Angels
  • The Truth Laid Bear
  • Yikes!


  • Military News
  • Iraq Colation Casualties
  • Marine Corps Times
  • Military.com
  • Multi-National Force-Iraq
  • Stars & Stripes
  • U.S. Department of Defense


  • We Will Never Forget
  • Don't Let The Memory Of Them Drift Away


  • Funny Stuff
  • Dad Gone Mad
  • I Think There May Be Something Seriously Wrong With Me
  • The Sarcastic Journalist


  • Cool Gear
  • All Fired Up
  • Beadwork by Sheree Deployment Bracelets
  • Frankly Opinionated
  • LA Police Gear
  • Once a Marine Always a Marine Sgt Grit
  • Soldier City
  • About Me

    My Photo
    Name: dyzgoneby
    Location: California, United States

    I am married to a wonderful Marine and a mother of 5 darling children. Sniper has been home from his second tour in the Shitbox since July 2006. This will be my rants, raves and rumblings with my life with him as a Marine Wife, him dealing with life post Iraq and the Marine Corps next adventure for us. At times I may whine, I may cry and there maybe times I just don't make any sense and you think WTF. These are my feelings and my feelings alone. If you don't like what I have to say, click the "X" in the right corner and move on. Thank a vet for having that choice. If not, sit back and enjoy the peak into my crazy world.

    View my complete profile

    More About Us & My Favorite Posts

    • Things You Probably Don't Want To Know
    • Sniper & My Story
    • One Year Ago
    • A Fairy Tale Coming True
    • Fairytale Wedding
    • Sniper's Reply to The Ass Munch
    • Freedom Is Not Free
    • What We Take For Granted

    My Favorite Pics

    • Engagement Pics
    • Wedding Pics
    • Homecoming Pics
    • Deployment Pics
    • Mohawk Marines

    Previous Posts

    • Days Are Coming Closer
    • Update on.....Well Us
    • Tribute Gunnery Sgt Edward Reeder
    • For Your Enjoyment, "Marines, Kicking Ass"
    • Some Reading Material for Ya'll
    • Thinking Out Loud
    • More Adjustments From Me
    • Leap of Faith
    • Still on My Rant Here
    • British: Foiled Plot Possibly Days Away

    Links



      I Remember
      David Grimner
      World Trade Center

      Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


      Prev | List | Random | Next
      Join
      Powered by RingSurf!


      Powered by Blogger

      Image hosting by Photobucket

    Saturday, August 26, 2006

    A Simple Lie Is Not So Simple

    My family is one again. This weekend I have them all together. Sniper, Bubba, Lego Man & Drama Queen. Damn that is a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. I am soaking it ALL up.

    Sniper and I have been talking about my blog, this one. He is hoping, now that I know he reads it, that I won't continue to hold back or even start to. That I let my feelings still shine through. Don't worry, I won't. He knows how I feel and this is still my outlet.

    Something that is still bothering me inside is a incident that happened last weekend.

    Saturday, him and Wingman show up and I could see right off the bat something was amiss. Something had pissed him off to know end. It's not something I will talk about, it's personal and wasn't aimed at me. So we will leave it at that.

    We made plans to meet up with another one of there friends, Cooter, at a local bar.

    A little background on Cooter. She was a Corpsman, deployed with the two of them the first time they were in Iraq. She has since gotten out and now lives up here where I live. I have heard many stories from them about her. She will always be there "Doc." Something I didn't know is, she was the Doc (and Wingman), that saved Sniper's life. Her and Wingman, were the one that tried to save GySgt Reeder.

    We met up with her (it was nice to finally put a face with the one that will also forever hold a special place in my heart, right along the side of Sniper & Wingman) and a few other former Marines and a Ex-Ranger. I sat back, listened and watched these Marines connect like no other way than those that have been there can do. I listened to the stories they told. I will always be the outsider around them, but I don't fret, I will always be the one who holds a special place in his heart, standing proudly right next to him.

    The male to female ratio in this place was way off (3-4 males to 1 female).

    T and I kept going up to the bar and taking shots, Sniper had few stiff drinks and a shot as well. Sniper kept a very close eye on us every time we walked away. He had good reasons to. Men just don't get it, when you, a female, are with someone to keep there mouths shut and hands to themselves. We had a one in paticular that just didn't get it. He was sitting right next to all of us. One of the times I walked by, he had the balls to ask if he could "grab my ass." Not a very smart guy.

    This guy kept flirting with T and I.

    Damn I could feel and see where this was going to get us. Sniper was still already strung tight and he is extremely protective of me. I didn't want things to go south. I kept Sniper in the dark, but I let Wingman know exactly what was going on and made sure I stayed close to the two of them.

    Then I decided to play a game and marked my territory hoping this guy would get the point. No I didn't jump all over him, I just gave him a very passionate kiss. This is not something I normally would do, but I wanted to get my point across. Sniper knew, something was amiss right then and there.

    That is when things got ugly with us, him & I, right there in the bar.

    He asked me in that tone he uses all to well, "What the f*ck is going on?" That is where I made a huge mistake. I looked him right in the eyes and flat out lied to him. I kept telling him over and over, everything was fine and nothing was going on. The guy was sitting right behind him and he figured it out. Sniper told me "Let's go, NOW!!!"

    We left and I didn't think it would or could get any worse. BOY WAS I WRONG!!!!

    We got into the truck and that is when he let me have it with both barrels. I have never heard that voice or tone from him towards me or even aimed at another person. Wingman turned the radio up real loud to drown him out. It was ugly. I knew I was in deep shit when he used my first name. My full name. Then he came four inches from my face and yelled at me. Something I never expected to hear out of his mouth, that "if I lie to him one more time, it's through between us."

    My heart just dropped and I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. Those words crushed and devastated me.

    However, I never backed down from my position. I held my face close to his and locked my eyes on his. I told him I would do it again in a heartbeat in the same situation. He was wound tight and I wanted him to come home with me and didn't want anything to happen. Yes, I know he could take care of himself, but that was not the point.

    He feel asleep not to long after that on the way home. That is when I let my tears fall and they fell hard. I didn't realize how hard I was crying until T turned around and held my hand.

    We got home and I ran upstairs before he could see me. I didn't want him to know how much it hurt me. How hard it was for me to look him in the eye and flat out lie to him. Wingman came upstairs, grabbed me, danced a slow dance with me, just held on to me and let me cry it out. Wingman & I talked for a long time.

    Sniper ended up passing out in our bathroom. I went upstairs to check on him and ended up passing out next to him, still crying my eyes out. We both slept on the bathroom floor that night. I wanted to stay close to him.

    I knew Sniper was wound tight before we left and had a lot on his mind. He has a temper and you add PTSD with it, I knew things would and could get ugly real fast. I just never expected it to be me it would have been aimed at.

    Since that night, it is still bothering me. I keep replaying the whole scene in my mind. Not his temper. I don't ever worry about him hurting me physically. That's not his nature. But that I looked him in the eyes and lied to him. It hurts me to know how much I hurt him with a lie, a simple lie. I have never lied to him before.

    We have talked it out and things are good between us. He would never leave me and I would never leave him. We are just having lots of firsts on issues that in 15 1/2 years that has never happened between us. Life has changed us. This deployment has changed us both.

    dyzgoneby
    Sniper, I am sorry I lied to you. Even if I felt I was justified, it was still a lie. Something I have never done to you before. Something that has hurt us both deeply. I will always be open and honest with you, but (you knew that was coming) I felt it was justified.

    Our love for each other continues to grow stronger by the minute and I look forward to our life together. I will always love you forever and a day with all my heart, body and soul.

    posted by dyzgoneby at 8/26/2006 11:59:00 AM

    Comments on "A Simple Lie Is Not So Simple"

     

    Blogger Household6 said ... (9:00 PM) : 

    MQ over at Word Well makes a good point about a reunification class the Army offered her.

    The title was about putting the puzzle pieces back together. Her thought was that it is not quite the same as the puzzle pieces are no longer the shape they were in before deploymnet. Now they were faced with finding out how the pieces now fit together.

    You are still in that place, both of you. Just be patient. I know easier said than done but that's the best thing I could give my spouse. He's still a little quick to anger but usually there's something underneath it all that comes out when I start to ask him about the current blow out.

    Patience something my father said would take me 3 lives to learn, I learned in 5 months and still counting

     

    Blogger Uncle Jim said ... (9:01 PM) : 

    I don't get it, who did you kiss? Don't tell me you kissed some other guy. If you did I'm suprised sniper did'nt kick the guys ass right off the planet!!! If you kissed sniper what's the big deal?
    I'm on my 4th drink of the night so work with me here.

     

    Blogger dyzgoneby said ... (9:12 PM) : 

    hh6...I am still re-learning his facial expressions and oh so little cues he gives off to know, when to back off and not push. Patience is something I am learning ohh so quickly and I thought I had them down pat with my two kids. Oh what joys.....

    uncle jim....yes that drink is affecting you, I KISSED SNIPER. I am sure in the hell not that stupid to kiss someone else, and if I did something that stupid and it was in front of him, the other guy would have surely got his ass kicked. LOL

    The big deal is, he is a MP and knew something wasn't right. Especially after I took Wingman aside. The two of them communicate in a way I will never understand.

     

    Blogger dyzgoneby said ... (9:23 PM) : 

    uncle jim...I will make sure he sees this message ASAP.

    I will tell you, him & I discussed it before, during and since he has been home about seeking "help" with the PTSD issues and he has done just that. He had them before this deployment. This is the frist step for him on dealing with the demons he will harbor the rest of his life.

    I have been very suprised that he hasn't been drinking as much as I thought he would. He drank more before he left than now. I drink more than he does now and no, that isn't a good thing either. I have drank more in the last 7 months than I have combined in the last few years.

     

    Blogger ladybug said ... (5:56 PM) : 

    as a former potential mental-health person [in another life i was going to be a counselor], i ditto what uncle jim said!

    sending you and sniper lots of and love and strength...

    love,
    ladybug

    PS - jenn, i went to see The Silent Drill Platoon last friday at 8th & I - in DC. omg, i never wished so bad to be a Marine ;) in the band, there was this little short shit of a thing, about what *i* woulda looked like as a Marine, and she played the piccolo and did a *solo* during Stars & Stripes Forever. it was so awesome. it was the last sunset parade of the season, and i went as a treat for completing my class in one peace and cuz i have been missing MY Marine dad so much. we had been meaning to take him down to see this, in the last two years....so it was sad to be there without him, but he was there just the same. TAPS at the end liked to have killed me but i didnt care who saw me crying. no one said a word.

    OH and a Marine saluted me!!!!! [maybe cuz of the dog tags around my neck???] i will go again next season and take my good camera and photograph the whole *event*

    sheesh. all this, i shoulda just emailed you!

     

    Blogger Christy said ... (7:50 AM) : 

    Hey I must say your life right now is about as interesting as mine. Here we fight alot over stupid shit. As you could see I had gotten some things said over my post of the issues. We will wait and see what happens with mine. I had to find a handwritten outting for my feelings and thought to keep my sanity for a little while. I will be finishing up your blog reading little later. I have not made it to the one above just yet listing the other blogs (I want to look into those too).

    Keep your head up and smile. I am sure there are better days ahead somewhere.

     

    post a comment

    Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference. The Marines do not have that problem. President Ronald Reagan