A Simple Lie Is Not So Simple

My family is one again. This weekend I have them all together. Sniper, Bubba, Lego Man & Drama Queen. Damn that is a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. I am soaking it ALL up. Sniper and I have been talking about my blog, this one. He is hoping, now that I know he reads it, that I won't continue to hold back or even start to. That I let my feelings still shine through. Don't worry, I won't. He knows how I feel and this is still my outlet. Something that is still bothering me inside is a incident that happened last weekend. Saturday, him and Wingman show up and I could see right off the bat something was amiss. Something had pissed him off to know end. It's not something I will talk about, it's personal and wasn't aimed at me. So we will leave it at that. We made plans to meet up with another one of there friends, Cooter, at a local bar. A little background on Cooter. She was a Corpsman, deployed with the two of them the first time they were in Iraq. She has since gotten out and now lives up here where I live. I have heard many stories from them about her. She will always be there "Doc." Something I didn't know is, she was the Doc (and Wingman), that saved Sniper's life. Her and Wingman, were the one that tried to save GySgt Reeder. We met up with her (it was nice to finally put a face with the one that will also forever hold a special place in my heart, right along the side of Sniper & Wingman) and a few other former Marines and a Ex-Ranger. I sat back, listened and watched these Marines connect like no other way than those that have been there can do. I listened to the stories they told. I will always be the outsider around them, but I don't fret, I will always be the one who holds a special place in his heart, standing proudly right next to him. The male to female ratio in this place was way off (3-4 males to 1 female). T and I kept going up to the bar and taking shots, Sniper had few stiff drinks and a shot as well. Sniper kept a very close eye on us every time we walked away. He had good reasons to. Men just don't get it, when you, a female, are with someone to keep there mouths shut and hands to themselves. We had a one in paticular that just didn't get it. He was sitting right next to all of us. One of the times I walked by, he had the balls to ask if he could "grab my ass." Not a very smart guy. This guy kept flirting with T and I. Damn I could feel and see where this was going to get us. Sniper was still already strung tight and he is extremely protective of me. I didn't want things to go south. I kept Sniper in the dark, but I let Wingman know exactly what was going on and made sure I stayed close to the two of them. Then I decided to play a game and marked my territory hoping this guy would get the point. No I didn't jump all over him, I just gave him a very passionate kiss. This is not something I normally would do, but I wanted to get my point across. Sniper knew, something was amiss right then and there. That is when things got ugly with us, him & I, right there in the bar. He asked me in that tone he uses all to well, "What the f*ck is going on?" That is where I made a huge mistake. I looked him right in the eyes and flat out lied to him. I kept telling him over and over, everything was fine and nothing was going on. The guy was sitting right behind him and he figured it out. Sniper told me "Let's go, NOW!!!" We left and I didn't think it would or could get any worse. BOY WAS I WRONG!!!! We got into the truck and that is when he let me have it with both barrels. I have never heard that voice or tone from him towards me or even aimed at another person. Wingman turned the radio up real loud to drown him out. It was ugly. I knew I was in deep shit when he used my first name. My full name. Then he came four inches from my face and yelled at me. Something I never expected to hear out of his mouth, that "if I lie to him one more time, it's through between us." My heart just dropped and I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. Those words crushed and devastated me. However, I never backed down from my position. I held my face close to his and locked my eyes on his. I told him I would do it again in a heartbeat in the same situation. He was wound tight and I wanted him to come home with me and didn't want anything to happen. Yes, I know he could take care of himself, but that was not the point. He feel asleep not to long after that on the way home. That is when I let my tears fall and they fell hard. I didn't realize how hard I was crying until T turned around and held my hand. We got home and I ran upstairs before he could see me. I didn't want him to know how much it hurt me. How hard it was for me to look him in the eye and flat out lie to him. Wingman came upstairs, grabbed me, danced a slow dance with me, just held on to me and let me cry it out. Wingman & I talked for a long time. Sniper ended up passing out in our bathroom. I went upstairs to check on him and ended up passing out next to him, still crying my eyes out. We both slept on the bathroom floor that night. I wanted to stay close to him. I knew Sniper was wound tight before we left and had a lot on his mind. He has a temper and you add PTSD with it, I knew things would and could get ugly real fast. I just never expected it to be me it would have been aimed at. Since that night, it is still bothering me. I keep replaying the whole scene in my mind. Not his temper. I don't ever worry about him hurting me physically. That's not his nature. But that I looked him in the eyes and lied to him. It hurts me to know how much I hurt him with a lie, a simple lie. I have never lied to him before. We have talked it out and things are good between us. He would never leave me and I would never leave him. We are just having lots of firsts on issues that in 15 1/2 years that has never happened between us. Life has changed us. This deployment has changed us both. dyzgoneby Sniper, I am sorry I lied to you. Even if I felt I was justified, it was still a lie. Something I have never done to you before. Something that has hurt us both deeply. I will always be open and honest with you, but (you knew that was coming) I felt it was justified. Our love for each other continues to grow stronger by the minute and I look forward to our life together. I will always love you forever and a day with all my heart, body and soul.