Light Blogging Will Continue, Until The End of The Month

Time is coming closer and I only have a few more weeks until my Exam. Oh Yuck. I so can't wait for this crap to be over. The stress is eating me alive. I am stressed beyond anything else I have ever felt (except when Sniper was in Iraq). I do this to myself. I have always been hard on myself and expect more out of myself than anyone else. Failure is not in my vocabulary and knowing the pass rate is only 53% for first timers, has me realizing I may actually fail at something. Let's just cross our fingers I pass the first time around and don't have to take it a second time. Until this is over, I won't be posting much. I need to study. I have to study. Life around the house is still going through adjustments. A few weeks ago my ex and I changed the schedule with our kids. We decided after many long talks between the two of us and a long talk between Sniper and I, that we would go back to the schedule we had last year. For him to have our son and I, to have our daughter. We would swap every other weekend, with the kids staying together on the weekends. It was a very difficult decision, but for my own sanity and my daughter's sanity, we needed to change the direction everything was heading. My son has decided to go down the path of disrespecting me and his sister, again. Now, when I say disrespecting, I am not just talking in the sense that he just doesn't listen to me, he also hits both of us, the language and names (they are something I would never call my worst enemy) he decides to use towards me are way out of hand. Nothing I have done has curbed it. If anything it has gotten worse over the last few months. I am at the point where I have realized, if something doesn't change in the next few years, he will be bigger and stronger than me and that will put me in a very vunerable position. I am almost to the point of being afraid of him. I also haven't liked the path my daughter has chosen as well. She is starting to pick up on his bad habits of not listening and testing her boundaries with me as well. She has been getting into trouble at school. Not just bad grades, but fighting. I can see she is crying out for some attention, she has lacked over the last six months. For a parent to admit this is hard. For a parent to realize they are not what is in the best interest of their child is gut wrenching. But, I had to do something and having my son live with his father is what he needs. My daughter needs a firm hand and not shoved off to the side. She needs me. It was not been an easy decision and has hurt me to the core. I hope one day my kids see that this was in their best interest. Sniper, after 7 weeks of him being home, and I are still adjusting. We are taking one day at a time. We are now living miles apart and it has been harder than we both realized. The days are more depressing than I assumed would be, for the both of us. The only thing getting us through, we both know where our hearts lie and know that in the grand scheme of life, this will just too will pass in a blink of an eye. I just wish it would hurry up. I am hoping to see him in the next 2-3 weeks (after the exam). Something else that is helping to keep my mind a little occupied off of the distance and loneliness, is our next trip to Vegas in November. Today I booked our hotel room. I can't tell you where because it is a surprise and he reads my blog. Let's just say, where I have planned, it will be wonderful. It will be a weekend we both will remember and cherish. I may not even get him out of the room the whole time (wink wink). Nah, I gotta take him out in his Blues around town and me in a little sexy dress. There is nothing better than a Marine in his Blues....YUMMY!!! So that is where my life is....... I have lots of stories, but they will have to wait a little bit more, I promise. Until then....... dyzgoneby Sniper, soon, oh so soon, I will be in your arms again and my arms wrapped around you. I love you forever and a day.