Slacker
| Thanks to AFSister, I have a new name "Slacker." As many times as I have said it over the last few months, life has been hectic and difficult to find time to blog. That's not the only reason...... There is so much I have to say, but I feel like I can't say or write what is going on in my life or Sniper's. Yes, there are people who read this that know me personally and I didn't think it would hinder what I wanted to write. Yet, it has. (No offense to you). I didn't think it would be difficult to write on here knowing that Sniper reads this, but again, it is. I would love to write about the PTSD issues that are going on around us, but I can't. There is so much I want to say and express about it. However, it's hard to express my feelings, when I can't even express them to other's or even Sniper. I want to talk about it though, I just don't know how or to whom. This was always my outlet to express my daily life with me, him and us....now I just don't know what to do. I guess am just trying to figure out where I fit in the mix. Then you add in I can't and won't express his feelings and dealings he is having with it. I would love to write about his next adventure in the Marine Corps, but I can't. We have some idea what or where he might end up, but the operative word is might. Nothing is ever set in stone and I am learning to have patience. Patience that I never knew I had (I am a very impatient person and a planner. Thanks to the Marine Corps, I can't plan shit). With the issues mentioned above, this plays into this one as well. I would love to write about our adventures we have had over the last few months. I have been down at Camp Pendleton every two weeks and it has been great. We have been spending quiet a bit of time together, but it's still not enough. Is is ever? However, the last couple of paragraphs come into play in this. So where does that leave me???????? That's the 50 Million dollar question. I wish I had an answer for it. Hopefully soon, I can figure it out. I miss writing and I miss everyone here. This has been my outlet and know I just need to figure out how to use it to my advantage. Until then......... Dyzgoneby Food for thought: Gunny told me a while back, the hardest part of a deployment is not while they are deployed, the hard part starts when they come home. I never knew how true those words really are. |
posted by dyzgoneby at 10/18/2006 08:27:00 AM
Comments on "Slacker"
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AFSister said ... (12:12 PM) :
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dyzgoneby said ... (1:02 PM) :
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AFSister said ... (1:58 PM) :
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Anonymous said ... (7:00 PM) :
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kbug said ... (7:55 PM) :
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dyzgoneby said ... (5:35 AM) :
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MQ said ... (1:45 PM) :
post a commentI hope you know I called you a "slacker" with the very best of intentions, lol.
Every part-time, small-time blogger (like myself) becomes a blog-slacker. Real life gets in the way, and takes over. Real life is *SO* much more important though... which is why we put our blog-life aside for a while.
It's all good.. we just miss ya, and want to make sure that everything's ok- or if it's not.
BIG HUGS, hon. To you, and Sniper.
AFSister....You were just so right on though. I have thought a lot about you and blogging, I just can't get myself to type.
I am afraid with what I would put out there (I know once I start typing I won't be able to stop) that it will be more personal and indepth than needs to be. The hardest part is knowing I am not the only going through this and it would show other's this as well. That this is just another facet to the life we live.
I understand, hon. Honestly, I do. I have people who "know" me that read my site, so I have to self-monitor also. The thing is, writing helps me vent my frustrations SO much, so I created a site that's just for me. I go there on occassion and just blab. It's not open for comments, and only one other person knows the addy. I don't expect that to change.
I can tell your writing is an outlet for you, as it is for me. I would encourage you to write elsewhere when the urge arises. It really does help to get it out.
Of course, there's always email! Email vents are great too, because you can pick and choose who you vent too. (yes, I'm available, lol)
Hey hun! Gunny was right in that comment. We all understand where you are coming from. Trust me. I try to keep the peace in my house too by not blogging so much. It willall come together.
Big Hug.
I've heard about how hard it can be when they come home. A friend suffered through nightmares, sleep walking and talking, discomfort in crowds, heavy drinking in order to sleep, a short temper with family, and cringing at loud sounds like fireworks (I saw this for myself), and wondering about the life and death decisions he made while in Iraq...any of that sound familiar. He struggled with these things for months after he returned, but they did finally go away. So don't be down hearted, he's doing very well now...and I'm sure Sniper will reach that point in time, too. It just takes time. If you need someone to dump on, though, I'm here, and I've been told that I'm a good listener...kerrybug1@yahoo.com. Hang tough...both of you.
First off, thank you to each and everyone for the support and encouragement. It means a lot to me.
AFSister....I really think I just might start a private site, just to vent. I have a journal here at home, but it's not the same. I can't standing writing. LOL
Christy....I hope everything is coming together for you and John. You both really deserve a great life together.
Kbug....You are so spot on! Everything you have said is so very true and then some. I know it's talked about more, I just wish more people and families had more understanding.
I really am looking forward to the day the demons he harbors will be put to bed or at least he will be able to deal with it much better. We both are hanging on tight. It's still one helluva rollercoaster ride.
"I would love to write about the PTSD issues that are going on around us, but I can't. There is so much I want to say and express about it."
My problem too. I never should've told my husband or friends about the blog 'cause he doesn't want people to know what's going on in his head and I want people to know what it's really like for a soldier with PTSD. I feel ya' girl!