IED Changes Lives of Survivors
| I woke up this morning, searched my emails and came across this piece, IED Changes Lives of Survivors, through Military.com. Go read it. So many will never understand the aftermaths of what it is like to "Survive." The article talks about surviving once through an IED, but what about those Marines and Soldiers that have survived multiple times through these incidents. Those who have been there and the families and loved ones who are forever changed. The "Survivor's Guilt" will always be there. Sniper has lived with so much through his Career, 15 years. Deploying to Iraq twice and Somalia all those years ago. Can you imagine for just a moment what it is like to live with the demons that he will harbor the rest of his life? Can you even fathom what it is like to live and watch someone go through all of this? A week ago, we were sleeping in bed and I woke-up to Sniper's arms wrapped around my neck. I sat there for a minute, trying to decipher WTF was going on. It didn't take long and then I layed there and watched a scene play out that he went through and was reliving all over again. His eyes were wide open and I heard some of the conversation he was having with his Marines. Just for the record, he never hurt me, I was just in the way of his "mission." His dream was an animated one. One where I watched him relive the IED blast, that forever changed him and another Marine. I watched him yell out for another Marine that will never enjoy life again. I saw other things that transipered that I never knew happened. When he finally woke, I just layed there and held him...and he held me. I started to clam up with what I saw, but finally let my emotions out on how I was feeling. I layed in his arms and just cried. We talked about it. This was the first time I didn't shut him out on my side of the emotions or him with me. Neither of us did fall back to sleep that night. We had only been sleeping 28 minutes. Oh yah and this was Christmas Eve. As I sit here and type this, I watch Sniper sleep behind me. Sleep that comes so rare for him. I watch him a lot on those occasions he does sleep. Wondering what is going through his head. Just waiting for the next dream or should I say return trip to hell for him. Life is never an easy road, but the Road traveled for a Marine is an even more agonizingly difficult one. It reminds me of one of the sayings I hear a lot: "For those who protect it, FREEDOM has a taste the protected will NEVER know!" Dyzgoneby Traveling the Road of Life with A Marine who is looking to find his way back home. |
posted by dyzgoneby at 1/03/2007 05:48:00 AM
Comments on "IED Changes Lives of Survivors"
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ladybug said ... (9:24 AM) :
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Household6 said ... (11:23 AM) :
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Anonymous said ... (1:28 PM) :
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dyzgoneby said ... (1:53 PM) :
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Anonymous said ... (2:36 PM) :
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julie anna said ... (7:19 AM) :
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MQ said ... (2:42 PM) :
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dyzgoneby said ... (11:55 AM) :
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kbug said ... (7:22 AM) :
post a commentwow, dyz, your writing just leaves me in awe... i am so proud of you for not shutting up your emotions about things, and just being in the moment with Sniper. i am sure that meant a lot to him. and to be able to hold each other thru the difficult/hellish times, isnt that what true love is all about? it made me think of that country song lyrics: "she doesnt realize when i'm holding her, she's really holding me..." or something along those lines.
sending you & Sniper lots of love,
ladybug
You are not alone. MQ and several others have the same issues you and Sniper are facing. I can't imagine what those men/women go through after surviving IEDs, I just know that its hard and they need our support. My thoughts and prayers to you and Sniper as he finds his way back to you.
The issues you and sniper are going through are things tht will enlighten others, me in particular.
Keep venting all you want. I am learning form your experience
Thank you.
ladybug.....Not shutting Sniper out on my emotions is something I am working hard on. It is not fair to either of us for me to continue on the path we were going down.
hh6...thank you. It is an extremely hard road and I for one, know I will never know what he or other's expierence. I wish more people in general realized the sacrifice's our Military and their families really make. The expierences they go through are not just short lived, but are life altering events.
justme....This is one reason I keep trying to vent or just let my feelings out. So other's can know what we expierence, never forget and to realize you/we are never alone.
Time will heal some of the wounds that Sniper has but it will always be there in the back of his mind. The nightmares will slowly stop coming and sleep will start to come a little easier but the road to healing is a long ways off. Just be there for him like I know that you are. If you ever need to talk you know where I am. I love and miss you!
Thank you for sharing that. I woke one morning with my husband low crawling over me (in his sleep) and then he 'snapped my neck' in his dream. I was frozen with fear as I realized I couldn't wake him up until afterwards. My stomach still clenches when I think about moments like that. I hope you and Sniper were still able to enjoy your Christmas together. I don't write on my blog as often, but I still read other blogs every now and then- yours included!
You're right dyz. My husband was lucky to be in only one IED. He met many marines and soldiers who had been in multiple IEDs. It's hard for us to understand the terror they feel after they've been in one. His was within his first week in Fallujah so that pretty much put him on edge for the rest of his year long tour, and of course at home he gets tense driving.
I feel comforted that you all understand even if we can't sit face to face and really talk about it; hell I can't even write about it, he asked me not to on my blog and I want to respect that.
But it's more than IED's too. It's seeing death and destruction; we value life so much more than Iraqis it's a shock to see people dying everday, and it such violent ways. None of us think of war that way anymore, but for so many servicemembers, that's how it is.
My husband will have nightmares for the rest of his life, I'm sure, but at least he is more of himself than he was when he first returned home. He would look off into the distance and completely zone out; nightmares every night, 2 or 3 times, it was crazy. And then he went back to his civilian job in this sterile, isolated office, what a transition!
Please help your guys get some help. I know they don't like to, but they really need to. PTSD can be treated and make it more bearable. Thank you all for your service and standing by your men.
Heather....I promise to always be there for him. No matter what, he can't get rid of me. LOL. Luv ya hon!
Julie Anna....We were still able to enjoy are xmas together. It was wonderful to have him home and our family surrounding us. Everything he has been through (myself included), has me more grateful for just the everyday little things of life.
MQ...I am very grateful/thankful that Sniper has allowed me to share this world we are living in through my eyes. He has told me I don't have to hold anything back.
Please know, you/we are never alone going thru this. Most just can't talk about it, but the feelings and emotions are all there.
Sorry I've been away for so long, but Kevin didn't go home till last Wednesday and Seth is still here on leave......well, he's in Colorado skiing as I write this, but he just left for there yesterday......so I've been a bit preoccupied......in a very good way.
I'm so sorry to hear that he is still haunted so. I don't know how long my WWII Marine dad was haunted after he came back......and he can't really remember either. He said Mom could probably tell me if she were still with us, but that's something I'll have to ask her some day when I see her again...... :)
Please keep heart, though. Dad is very well adjusted now and talks about everything...and I do mean everything...that happened to him and his buddies during the war......the good, the bad, and the ugly. The loss of so many of his buddies still pains him...you never forget that...but he has put everything in perspective.....even the fact that he survived Iwo Jima (wounded nontheless) when so many of his friends didn't. I think one of the things that haunts troops more than anything is the feeling that Dad talks about that is beyond a person's control.....the feeling of relief that it wasn't you who was killed, and the guilt that goes along with that feeling after it is thought. Guilt is one of the hardest things to deal with emotionally. He learned to accept the fact that who died and who survived was beyond his control and has been thankful for every moment he's enjoyed since the war. But he has never forgotten his friends......they live on in his memory and in the stories that we grew up listening to. We all know them....Mike Dupnok, Pappy, "Red" Jones, Lt. Scott, and so many others. As long as they are remembered, they never cease to exist......and as long as Sniper has your love and support, he will eventually get past the bad stuff. All I can say is......time.....
Love and hugs to you both.....