Tired

Over the last two weeks, life has been very draining and has me thinking a lot about life. My life, Sniper's life, our life, life with the Marine Corps, and just life in general. I lost my grandmother over a week ago. She was 77 and had been very ill a very long time, but I didn't see this coming. Isn't family supposed to be indestructible and you live forever? I of all people should know you can't live forever. My grandmother wanted to die. She was tired, tired of being so sick, tired of living in a wheel chair, tired of the family bickering, just plain tired. She left behind her Soul mate and I am going to tell you a story. Years ago, I would go over to my Nana's house and talk to her about my soul mate, my one and only true love, Sniper (this was years ago before we rekindled our relationship). She started talking to me about her "Soul mate" and the only man she ever loved. Nope it wasn't my grandfather (he was an asshole, more on that later). She fell in love with this man when she was a young woman. The problem was (I just found this out yesterday) her mom told him to leave her alone, he was too old for her (there are a few years apart). He left. She met my grandfather, married him, had two sons and moved out here to California, never to return. After my grandfather died, she started to think about Harry more and more. He was always in her heart. But, after I started talking about how short life is, how much I loved this man (Sniper), she knew she had to find Harry. I had inspired her to find him. They had been together ever since.....Until now. About 8 or 9 years ago, we were all at my son's birthday party and she whispered in my ear, "Harry and I are married" and showed me the ring he gave her. "Not really married, but none the less, we are married in our hearts." She didn't tell my dad or uncle first, but me. She and I both shared that bond of loving a man from a distance and she made her dreams come true. Now it was my turn (we all know it took me a few more years before mine became a reality). My grandfather.... see my grandfather was a WWII vet. He earned a Bronze Star and a Purple Heart. A Purple Heart that ended his career in the Military. I remember my grandfather being a very mean spirtted man. Very angry. He drank too much and was just plain mean. I never had a happy memory with that man. I didn't like him at all and didn't give a fuck when he died. I know this sounds cold and heartless, but none the less, this is how I feel. I look back now with all that Sniper and I have been thru and realize maybe it has to do with his "Time in Hell." I will never know. Because my Nana was still receiving his VA benefits, never worked a day in her life, she couldn't marry Harry. She had no other income. This broke my heart, but I understood. They were stuck between a rock and a hard place. But to me she was married to Harry, her True love, her soul mate. It was so hard yesterday, to watch that man say goodbye to his "Soul mate." It broke and shattered my heart. At the service, the minister kept referring this man as her "Life long Friend." That pissed me off. He was and is more than that and I realized, I was the only one to see this. See Harry didn't sit up front with us. He sat in the second row. At the church, I never asked why. I just reached behind me and held his hand. Not my dad, not my uncle, but the man that meant more than life itself to my Nana. After the Church service, I went up and held onto him, not anyone else. I told him, I knew that she loved him more than anything and that he was her soul mate. We went out to the Grave sight and Harry, again, sat in the second row. I couldn't let this continue, it wasn't right. I sat with him. I then asked him why he wasn't sitting where he belonged. He told me,"That's for family." I looked at him and told him, "YOU ARE FAMILY! You are her soul mate and the one she should have been married to all these years. She was your wife" I stayed with him. My father, his wife and my uncle sat in the first row. As they lowered her into the ground, he kept yelling over and over again, "I don't want to be alone, I don't want you to be alone, I love you my dear Marcella" as the tears streamed down his face and mine too. I will always remember those words. We talked later on, and he said "Nana was looking forward to my wedding." The day I married my true love. I too wish she could have seen the day, when I look into Sniper's eyes and say "I do." Nana, I promise you, I will never take my soul mate, my true love for granted. I will love him like there is know tomorrow. I will cherish him and love him unconditionally. Not because I would anyways, but also because we inspired each other to find our "Soul mates" and make the most of life in the short amount of time we have here. I love you. Dyzgoneby