I Am Done Believing

Sorry for the language, but I am forewarning you ahead of time. I have finally resolved in my beliefs that this fucking Roller coaster ride we are on is NEVER going to end. I have finally resolved we are destined to live 100's of miles apart. I use to believe I would have sometime frame of when it would end. I use to believe I would have some inclination as to when he may be home. I wish everyone would stop asking because I have no FUCKING CLUE. But now.......I ALSO HAVE FUCKING GIVEN UP. I JUST GIVE UP I have decided I am going to live my life realizing, I have a husband whom I may someday live with before I die. For those few of you that still check in from time to time, Sniper is being Medically Retired from the Marine Corps. Well at least he is in the process. A process that can take months, many long months or even years. And in that process I have realized he (and most that have gone through this) is just going to have to bend over and take it in the ass with what they give (or lack there of) him as a rating. It makes me physically sick, to see how much he has sacrificed (15 1/2 years), continues to sacrifice for this Country, only to get shit on, on the way out. A big fat fuck you, I mean thanks for playing we are done with you. I am beyond frustration at this point. I am beyond understanding. I am beyond being optimistic. I am beyond having a positive attitude. I am just beyond anything at this point. So, yes I am DONE and BEYOND believing anymore. Dyzgoneby Sniper, I am love you with all my heart and that will never change. And get it out of your head, I will never leave you. You are stuck with me here, now and into eternity. I am just done believing in anything anymore.

Date Night

Married life is never easy, no matter how much one can think it can be. You throw in a Active Duty Marine, a Civilian wife, five kids and living 100's of miles apart from each other and it can be an extremely difficult road that most can't handle. We spend most of our time living apart and when we our together, it isn't just us. Whether we are down in Camp Pendleton together, it's us, his roommates and our friends. When he's home, it's all about family. Us, our kids and our immediate families. But, there really isn't just "Us" time. So, Sniper and I had decided that no matter what, we need us time. We know we don't live the traditionally married life, but we still need our alone time together. We need a "Date Night" once in awhile. Last night, I came home from work to find Sniper working in the garage, the house cleaned (you could smell it), and the kids (Bubba, Lego Man and Drama Queen) bags packed and waiting by the front door. I had been looking forward to our Date Night all week. Within the hour, my father-in-law had taken Lego Man and Drama Queen to there Aunt and Uncle's house (they live 3 blocks away and we all spend a lot of time at each other's house). Bubba's mother picked him and his friend Porky up within the next 30 minutes. Sniper tells me to go up stairs and relax. Go play Sims. I make a pot of coffee (the last date night, I fell asleep. You know, your typical, getting old, the kids are out of the house and lets fall asleep) and kept telling him I felt very guilty letting him make dinner by himself after he cleaned and took care of the kids all day. He just wanted me to relax. I relented, listened to my husband, grabbed a huge cup of coffee, headed up the stairs into our room, turned the radio on and played Sims. About an hour and fifteen minutes go by, Sniper comes into our room, grabs my hand and walks me down the stairs. Here's what I find: A table for two, Candles all around, music in the background. Sniper pulls my chair out for me and I sit down to this: Do you notice the presentation? I am melting inside. Sniper has a very romantic side to him. He takes great pride and care in doing things for his family and his wife, me. We start eating. Damn the food was incredibly yummy. He made a meal that was perfect. I sat there, listening to the music and floods of memories came flooding back. Back to a time when I was 20 years old (16 years ago), my parent's were out of town for a week and we "played" house. He comes home from work, I make dinner for him and we enjoy life together as if we were married. I continue to stare into his eyes and my mind reflects back to another time, we spent a week together in a Cabin in the Sierras. I made a romantic dinner for him, dressed up and enjoyed a very memorable night together. I sat there and kept thinking about how that week was the last week we had as us. He left a few weeks later for boot and you all know the history on that one (see here). As we finish dinner, I continue to listen to the music, listen to Sniper sing to me, stare in his eyes and know the dreams we shared so many years ago, the dreams we had for us have finally come true. I look around and realize, this isn't just pretend anymore. We are sitting there, as husband and wife in our home. We are home. I finish my dinner (I was completely stuffed), Sniper grabs my plate and is completely giddy. He made desert for us as well. He sets down our deserts on the table and this is what I see. Desert was shaped in a heart. Notice the strawberries, yes they are cut into hearts as well. We continued to talk, reflect on our lives and enjoy our meal and evening together. Afterwards, Sniper again takes my plate, pours us a cup of coffee. He then proceeds to clean up the dishes. I am not allowed to touch anything. God I love that man. Not because he spoils me, because he surely does. But, he takes pride and care in showing me how much he loves and appreciates me, for me. The evening is not over, we decided instead of staying home and cuddling up on the couch we needed to go out. We proceed to our room and bathroom to take a shower and clean up. We had intentions of catching a movie, but it was already 2230 and it was late to go to a movie. So we ended up at a local bar. Had a few drinks and enjoyed each other's company. By the time we ended up back home it was 0115. We sat up for another hour just talking. And from that point on, it's something that is between him and I. Needless to say we didn't go to sleep until the wee hours of the morning. As I sit here and type this, it's 0950, Sniper is asleep behind me and I am wondering why the hell I am typing this and not enjoying the last little bit of our "Date Night" with him. It could be, I know I need to go pick-up our kids and enjoy today with some family time. Sniper leaves tomorrow to return to work, and I to return to missing him and wishing it would be the end of this month, when we have us and all five of our kids in the house for 18 days. So here is to a wonderful "Date Night" that I have to hold onto to get me through until the next time. Dyzgoneby Sniper, my darling husband, thank you for a wonderful evening of us. Thank you for allowing us to return to that dream we have always shared. I love you with all my heart, body and soul.

The Sims have taken over our house

Last month I was down in San Diego for awhile and while Sniper and I were out shopping, we picked up the latest version of Sims Deluxe for me. It's a computer game where you get build a city, infrastructure and all, and then play mayor. A week goes by and I am back home. I decided I need to get lost in nothing for a while, so I install the game on my computer. Several hours later, I remember why I hadn't played in over a year and had hid the game from myself. I was/am extremely addicted to this damn thing. To the point, Sniper has called me at 0300 and the first thing out of his mouth, "Stop playing with the Sims and go to bed." Yes, I will play until 0300 or 0400 and won't bat an eye. Even if I have to be up at 0500 to go to work. A few days go by and Lego Man comes in and starts getting all excited when he sees what I was playing. Oh Shit....now he wants to play. I let him know while I am at work during the day, he can have the computer. He also remembers there is cheat codes (yes I do cheat) that you can use to make a better city. The last two weeks, Lego Man has called me about every 30 minutes at work asking me how to build something or what the cheat code is. The first few times it was funny, but a few weeks into it and I am getting a little irrated. At night, I come home and Lego Man won't give up my computer, he wants to play. Now we are fighting for Sims time..... Well, Sniper is home for the week and decided he wanted to play yesterday. A few hours into it, yes you guessed it, he calls me at work to ask how to do something and for the cheat codes. After I got off the phone, I laughed my ass off. I get home last night, only to find Sniper sitting in front of the computer and playing Sims. As I watched him for several hours play this damn game he kept up with all the questions of how to do something. I think I created a bunch of SIMS monsters and my house is now being overrun....The only catch, I WANT MY SIMS TIME TOO!!!! dyzgoneby