See You Next Year My Love

Yes I am having a helluva night. My count down until the last time I see Sniper is over. I just said see you next year. Knowing I won't see him physically for the next 15 months is playing hell on my emotions. The last few hours he was here I held it together pretty good. We talked a lot and shared a few laughs. He even chewed me out for not securing my house. I forgot to lock the front door and was sitting upstairs with the music just a little to loud. Besides, you can't hear anything anyway downstairs from my room. Opps......No I don't want Wingman to come all the way up here to check out my house to make sure it is "all secure." Because I know, I do screw up from time, that I don't need a Ass Chewing from him in Iraq. That would not be pretty. I will try very hard to make sure the house is secure, including the garage. Roger that. Then about the last hour he was holding me and the tears started to leak a little. It's pretty pathetic when I kept holding him and breathing in his smell just to have something to hold onto. To know this is the last time for awhile I will be able to smell him. I can still smell him on my arms and I don't want to let it go. And no that is not wrong to try and drink in his scent. Then the last 10 minutes they started to flow. As I gave him the last hug I couldn't stop. I watched him pull out of the drive way and told him I loved him. I walked into my house and closed the door. That's when I fell on to the back of the door and let them flow freely and hard. I walked up the stairs and put his t-shirt and sweats on. Nope they didn't make it into his bag home. Don't think he will really need them for awhile. Now I don't want to take them off. I walked back downstairs and fixed me a nice big drink and brought the bottle back up with me. Okay I know this isn't the way to go and I did promise him I wouldn't lose myself in a bottle for the next 15 months. However, one night of indulging is okay. The rest will wait for him. So now, 4 hours later I can't stop the tears. I figured tonight I was allowed to cry all I want. Tomorrow I will suck it up and deal. As I sit here my wonderful daughter called to tell me good night. She's with her dad for a few days to allow me to pull my shit together. She knew I was crying and asked me what was wrong. I told her Sniper left a little while ago and mommy is just sad. She says "Mommy you remember what you told me?" Yep. He will be coming home to us. He will be okay. She told me she loved me and said goodnight and then "mommy it will be okay" and hung up. I am so proud of that little girl. She has really been listening and actually taking in her and my conversations over the last few weeks. I have drove it in hard how proud we are of him and YES HE WILL BE COMING HOME. In that one brief conversation she made me very proud to know I am doing a damn good job of raising a hellauva kid. She also put a smile on my face that I needed. I am so scared and sad right now, but I know it is only for a short, okay long, time until he will be in my arms again. It's kinda tuff knowing I won't be sending him off in a few weeks. So, even though he is still on US Soil I won't get to hold him and look into his eyes for a very long time. dyzgoneby