Relaxed to Raw Emotions

In less than 24 hours from my trip away from Life, my emotions are completely raw and exposed to the core. I find that most fucking things in my daily life are completely inessential, trivial and irrelevant to what our Marines and all Military serving in or served in a combat zone deal with on a daily basis. Most things in life just don't fucking matter. Do you understand, most things don't fucking matter. I won't even try to comprehend what those who have been in combat are going through. I have never served, never will. Not by my choice, but I would lay my life down for my country. I will never understand what it is like to put the battle ready face on and face the danger ahead. I will never understand what it is like to get shot at and feel it go by my head. I will never understand what it is like to have motar rounds fired at me, hit my building and not go off. I will not understand what it is like to have IEDs exploding all around me and underneath my truck. I will never understand what it is like to have my friends/brothers die. I will never understand what it is like to inventory my buddies gear to ship home to his family. I will never understand what it is like to have to face a child holding a weapon pointed directly at me with the intention of killing me. I will never understand what it is like to pull that trigger when it is the choice between your life or mine. I will never understand what it is like to lay my head down to sleep and can't because of all that I have seen. I will never understand what it is like to have flash backs to the explosion that all most took my life, but took someone else's just because they were 5 feet closer. I will never understand what it is like. All I can do is let my tears flow silently and put on that face of everything in my world is okay when it is not. All I can do is pray and have faith. All I can do is give support from home. All I can do is be a friend. All I can do is be here for him. All I can do is just listen. Not much I can do is there? I am 100% helpless and it fucking sucks. I would give anything to take his place instead. Today my emotions have been out there for all to see. One look in my direction and you should know to turn your back and run the other way. Nope, not everyone was that smart, but I wouldn't answer. Instead I just let my tears flow freely, all fucking day. dyzgoneby Welcome to hell and that will truly never end for some