Closing a Chapter of Our Lives

I am home and trying to settle back in. It has only been 30 hours since I saw Sniper and yet it feels like it has been a lot longer. The time went by too fast. Along with that is a huge hole in my heart. It started a few hours before Sniper took me to the airport on Sunday. We were laying on the bed and I was just rubbing him and touching him (get your mind out of the gutter). I kept going over the visible scars and kissing them. Each one showed me how lucky he was and there are many. To hear is harsh, to see a video is heart wrenching, but to touch those scars truly showed me how truly close he came. Each time I kissed them it took every ounce of strength I had to hold back the tears that wanted to flow. Sniper dropped me off at the airport, the tears still didn't come. This was the first time. Why? I have been trying to analyze it since then. I know he is safe. He isn't getting shot at. No one is trying to kill him now. There will be no more IED's or Mortar Attacks for him. No more fucking Haji's. Basically no more visible wounds. That made it easier. However, for me I knew he has invisible wounds that will take a long time to heal for him. I beleive that is why I couldn't show the tears. I didn't and still don't want him to worry about me (I know he will anyways). I am so thankful that with a Angle looking out for him, he came home alive. God knows he has used up over his nine lives this time. Yet, I can see there is a part of him that will never come home again. There is a part of him I lost on this deployment. I look into his eyes and can see it. I can feel it. It's not something most people will notice or you can explain, but I know him. War is ugly and he saw it full on. It's going to be a long road ahead for him. I will be here to hold him, let him lean on me, love him or just hold his hand in silence. I will be there every step of the way, but right now I am not what he needs. He needs something I cannot give him. The understanding of someone who has been there. With the help of Wingman I know he will make it through. Yet, it's hard to look at the man you love and know you are so helpless and their is not much of anything you can do to help. We have finally closed one chapter and now we begin a new one. I am not sure if this one isn't going to be any harder. Don't worry I am not going anywhere. I have plenty to tell about the few days of homecoming. Well some things will be left behind closed doors, he is a man after all. dyzgoneby Sniper, listen to Rascal Flatts "My Wish" "My Wish" I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow, And each road leads you where you want to go, And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose, I hope you choose the one that means the most to you. And if one door opens to another door closed, I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window, If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile, But more than anything, more than anything, My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to, Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small, You never need to carry more than you can hold, And while you're out there getting where you're getting to, I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too, Yeah, this, is my wish. I hope you never look back, but ya never forget, All the ones who love you, in the place you left, I hope you always forgive, and you never regret, And you help somebody every chance you get, Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake, And you always give more than you take. But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything, My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to, Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small, You never need to carry more than you can hold, And while you're out there getting where you're getting to, I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too, Yeah, this, is my wish. My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to, your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small, You never need to carry more than you can hold, And while you're out there getting where you're getting to, I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too, Yeah, this, is my wish This is my wish I hope you know somebody loves you May all your dreams stay big