You Know What Sucks Ass

Passing your Series 66, one of the few big milestones in your life and not having the love of your life to celebrate with. Yep, YIPPY FUCKING EH!!!! And yes I am being sarcastic. I again get to celebrate.....are you ready......BY MYSELF. The sad part is, I am being to realize nothing is going to change for a long time, A VERY LONG LONG TIME. There is nothing I can do about it, this is the life I choose and the man I love just happens to live a few hundred miles away. dyzgoneby

Enjoying Life

Sunday morning, Sniper is asleep behind me, Bubba is asleep in the other room and Lego Man and Drama Queen are with there dad. All is good. I have my family all around me. The last few weeks have been exceptionally wonderful (Sniper is here for a few weeks on leave). It has been grand to wake-up in the morning in Sniper's arms. Kiss his lips before I leave for work and have his comforting arms to come home to. Come home and have my family around me. The love of my life and my kids. To come home and spend time doing just normal family things. You know, cook dinner, do homework, clean-up, spend quality "Family" time "together." I can tell you, since Sniper has been home, I have not been as lazy as I have been the last few months. Having him home has kicked my ass. He has kept me running. To the point, I have been falling asleep by 2000 (even on a Saturday night). A big part of that, I believe, I am feeling completely safe and secure with him here. I know this will be short lived and the next few weeks will fly by, but I am going to revel in it while I can. I am not going to think about at the end of the month, life going back to the way it has been for the last few years. The way life will continue on for the next few/several months. I am going to be positive, think positive and just enjoy the "here and now." Then pray for the following months to fly by. At least until April when I again will revel in the "us" time again and the day we say "I do" and finally become "Husband and Wife." Until then, I am just "Enjoying Life" with the man of my dreams and our family. Dyzgoneby Sniper, I love you forever and a day!

IED Changes Lives of Survivors

I woke up this morning, searched my emails and came across this piece, IED Changes Lives of Survivors, through Military.com. Go read it. So many will never understand the aftermaths of what it is like to "Survive." The article talks about surviving once through an IED, but what about those Marines and Soldiers that have survived multiple times through these incidents. Those who have been there and the families and loved ones who are forever changed. The "Survivor's Guilt" will always be there. Sniper has lived with so much through his Career, 15 years. Deploying to Iraq twice and Somalia all those years ago. Can you imagine for just a moment what it is like to live with the demons that he will harbor the rest of his life? Can you even fathom what it is like to live and watch someone go through all of this? A week ago, we were sleeping in bed and I woke-up to Sniper's arms wrapped around my neck. I sat there for a minute, trying to decipher WTF was going on. It didn't take long and then I layed there and watched a scene play out that he went through and was reliving all over again. His eyes were wide open and I heard some of the conversation he was having with his Marines. Just for the record, he never hurt me, I was just in the way of his "mission." His dream was an animated one. One where I watched him relive the IED blast, that forever changed him and another Marine. I watched him yell out for another Marine that will never enjoy life again. I saw other things that transipered that I never knew happened. When he finally woke, I just layed there and held him...and he held me. I started to clam up with what I saw, but finally let my emotions out on how I was feeling. I layed in his arms and just cried. We talked about it. This was the first time I didn't shut him out on my side of the emotions or him with me. Neither of us did fall back to sleep that night. We had only been sleeping 28 minutes. Oh yah and this was Christmas Eve. As I sit here and type this, I watch Sniper sleep behind me. Sleep that comes so rare for him. I watch him a lot on those occasions he does sleep. Wondering what is going through his head. Just waiting for the next dream or should I say return trip to hell for him. Life is never an easy road, but the Road traveled for a Marine is an even more agonizingly difficult one. It reminds me of one of the sayings I hear a lot: "For those who protect it, FREEDOM has a taste the protected will NEVER know!" Dyzgoneby Traveling the Road of Life with A Marine who is looking to find his way back home.

A little More Venting

On my last post I mentioned Sniper's shoulder. You know, the injury that happened back in May of 2006 while he was in Iraq. I am so extremely frustrated with the way him and other vets/active Military are treated. Nine months later and he is still not any where near getting any better or any answers as to WTF is going on with it. He finally 2 weeks ago saw the neurologist (it took months to get this appointment). The good news is there is no nerve damage, but (you knew that was coming) the feeling in his fingers may take a few YEARS to come back. Years? WTF is he supposed to do in the mean time? Where does that leave him when he eventually retires? What about his next career? OK, so he went back to the orthopedic (last Friday). What did he do for him? Shot him up with another round of Cortisone in his shoulder. IT DIDN'T FUCKING HELP! All it did was make his shoulder more sore and tender. Now he can't move it again..... Next stop, see a surgeon. I am not holding my breath on this one either. I bet he won't be in to see him until March. Just my measly opinion. You know us civilians don't know jack shit. So where does this leave him with his career? Ummm waiting for someone to get there head out of there ass. He is now sitting on a limited duty board. Not able to do anything. Absolutely nothing....Just staying put right where he is at (this most likely includes recruiting duty). For how long you ask? Not sure. Either until the end of June or the figure out what the fuck is wrong with it. Can you see my frustration here? It has taken nine very long months to get absolutely no where. If he was seeing civilian docs, I would have fired them a long time ago. Oh wait, it is run by a bunch of civilian docs who don't give a flying fuck about him or anyone else. Just a bunch of lip service. BULLSHIT!!!! I just love the way are guys are treated. I am so sick and tired of all the bullshit. I just want Sniper's shoulder to feel better. For him to stop wincing in pain every time he moves his arm. For him to have the feeling back in his fingers. UUUUGGGGGGG!!!! Do you see any other dilemma here? We are getting married in April and at the rate things are going we will be spending the first few months of marriage still living apart....THAT FUCKING SUCKS ASS!!!!! Positive side? At least we will be MARRIED.....Have to think positive or I am going to explode. Dyzgoneby I am starting to realize Military Life can suck ASS!!!!!!

Happy New Year and an Update

I want to wish the few of you that are still around a wonderfully HAPPY NEW YEAR! I know I keep saying I will blog more, but my life has been complicated and hectic the last few months. I have lots of stuff going on in my head. Things I want to blog about. I just know most people don't want to keep hearing me complain about all the bullshit going on in my life and Sniper's. It is hard not to vent though here. I have done that for so long. Last night was a extremely lonely one for the two of us. Both of us separated by hundreds of miles. Sniper had duty yesterday and I had the kids at home, hence the miles apart. However, he should be here sometime in the next 24 hours for the next few weeks. That is a positive. Sniper was here for Christmas though. YEAH!!!! We had a wonderfully, busy four days together. Lots of family and friends surrounded us. Christmas Eve we ended up driving almost all the way to Tahoe. What you ask for? No, it wasn't to get married (that's in 3/12 months away). Santa had to deliver snow to the kids. Several of us drove up the hill to load up 3 trucks and 3 trailers full of snow. I took a few pics of the event. Wingman, Bubba and Sniper....Boy was it a little exhausting. However I learned a few things that night....Do not take pics with flashes without forewarning those around you who had been to Iraq. It was a very long, animated, sleepless night. I felt like shit...... Here is a one of my favorite pics from Christmas..... Sniper, Bubba & I accidentally feel asleep. Wingman, Drama Queen & Lego Man got a kick out of this one. This year will be a GREAT YEAR for us. This will be the year Sniper & I are married. The year our FAMILY becomes ONE. The next few months will be even crazier and more hectic, but I can't wait until the end result. Being one with Sniper. Bring on April. Where will we live? Where will the Marine Corps take him? There is so much uncertainty now more than ever. A lot will depend on his shoulder. That is a whole long post in itself. One that I am pissed beyond belief on. He is not any closer on the answers (9 months later) than the day after he was WIA. I will let ya'll in soon. Again, I wish everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR! Dyzgoneby Sniper, I love you with all my heart, body and soul!