Blowing A Little Steam Here

If you have a few moments, you all need to stop by "Heavy: Lift With Caution" and listen to the crap (Anti Bush) he and his followers spew out of there mouths. It sound more like a take right off the front pages of the NY Times Bull Shit. I am posting my response on my site, simply because I want to besides, it will give ya'll a little more insight into my beliefs and where I stand. You will have to read his post and comments to understand where I am coming from. So go read it here and come back to read my response. First off Sarin Gas: Over the next several years these men, mine included, who have had that crap blown up around them (not including the other chemical weapons blown up around them) have more physical symptoms and alignments I will tell him that "the shelf life was only a few weeks and it was just toxic waste." They all must be dreaming, there were no WMDs in Iraq and you are just making this up to make Bush look good. I can guarantee there are WMD in Iraq still, but I am talking to a brick wall here. I never said you were ungrateful for the troops, that was how you interpreted my words to you. Kinda how you interpret all that you read (NY Times) and listen (CNN) and form/believe everything you see and hear. America's Freedom was not dismissed with this Administration, if anything the past administrations have f*cked it up, hiding like a bunch of pansies, thinking it will all smooth out. Bush and his administration weren't in office all that long before 9/11 happened. Was he supposed to do what your lovely Clinton did and pull the covers over his eyes and let Bin Laddan and Saddam (yes I believe he had something to do with this as well) get away with what happened? Bush had the "balls" to go in and do something about. Back then everyone thought this was "Good To Go." Once things turned ugly, which lets face it War is ugly, the Dems and the Left started to whine about every little frickin thing. When our "Boys" screwed up at Abu Ghraib that was all we heard and still hear about. But everyone keeps dismissing and forgetting about the beheading's and torture that have taken place against our own. Including Private Kristian Menchaca and Private 1st Class Thomas Lowell Tucker, which unfortunately not much has been said in the MSM about them. Personally, I will never forget each and everyone of them. And I don't want to hear "well we shouldn't be there anyway" bullshit. The reason this is taking so long is people with your thinking and ideologies with our "Civil Liberties" have got us dancing around, trying to make sure we are not "upsetting" or "violating" anyone's rights. Rights my ass, the minute they come after us, they have no rights. We are there and need to stop pussy footing around and kick the shit out them (the terrorists) and bring our boys home. Plain and simple to me. As to "this Administration with their dismissal of the Geneva Conventions, their illegal domestic spying programs, and countless other attacks on civil liberties" is just plain crap. Thank God we have programs and a Constitution that protect our Country. We would not have survived this long with out it. The problem is, now there is no loyalty to "us." Our society as a whole is only looking out for what's in the best interest of themselves and there pocketbook. We have become a "all about me" society. God forbid, we step on someone's toes, by keeping an eye on where "illegal monies" are flowing to or what and where illegal people in our country are going and doing. Oh ya, and as for the "we control the oil" bullshit, it is just that Bullshit. I don't see anyone of us benefiting from the "oil we control." "What they told you was bullshit. The WMD/terrorism stuff was bogus." You must be smoking some good shit to believe that. Dyzgoneby Sniper, thank you for fighting to protect our freedoms and the freedom of all of us to voice our opions. Even ones who are smoking crack.

Count Down Is On

I am taking a small break from studying with the count down until Sniper is home I can't concentrate for shit. Honestly, like I could before with all the crazy shit that has gone on in the last few weeks (in do time I will tell). However, there is even more crazy shit going on this summer. Originally, Sniper wasn't scheduled to be home until March of 2007. Well, shit happens and things change. I have already learned not to count on anything when it comes to him and the Marine Corps. I have known for awhile that this deployment had a small chance of only being a single rotation, instead of a double rotation. I just haven't wanted to get my hopes up. Well throw that out the frickin' window because as it gets closer, it looks like he will be home sometime before the end of summer. Due to OPSEC and the fact that I value Sniper's life I can't tell ya when. But, HOT DIGIDY DAMN, SNIPER IS COMING HOME!!! YEAH!!!!! With that said, I had sooo much shit planned to stay busy for me. I needed to make the time fly. Well, it looks like I am going to get bit in the ass again, royally. My schedule: June - my Son Graduates from 6th Grade on Friday, both kids out of School; July - Study, Series 7 Week Long Class, Series 7 Exam; August - Study, Exam; September - Study, 2 Exams; October - Boot Camp Challenge This isn't including my normal I have too much piled on my plate. I am a mom who misses the hell out of my kids, giving up my side business, spend time with my deprived family. Oh yeah and in the middle of all this Sniper is coming home and I need/have to spend time with him. I just have to figure out how. Anyone got any ideas? This thing with my ankles is putting a damper in all my plans as well. I have too much pent up energy and can't stay still. Besides I really want to run in the Boot Camp Challenge. I am not running just to run, there is a group of us who are running for The MarineParents.com Care Package Project. The proceeds will go to send more Care Packages to our troops (Sniper has also been a benefit of this). So when we run this, we will be running to Support our Marines. (As my schedule relaxes a little, I will be posting more info on this and if you are interested where you can donate). I so far only have one person on my team. I have no idea who he is, other than he is a Marine recently returned home from Iraq and wants to give back to those who helped support him when he was deployed. I just need to find at least on more person to run with us. I wonder if I can talk Sniper into this. Think we can convince him? I doubt it too, but I am going to try. It sure would be fun to run with two Marines and this slow, I am so going to get my ass kicked Civilian. Sniper, what ya say....will you help this cause? Back to the Count down, it is coming fast and fierce upon us all. This rollercoaster isn't anywhere close to ending and I am actually feeling it pull me in different directions again. My emotions are becoming more intense, thoughts are a little on the extreme side. It's going to get a little bumpy around here. But, don't worry, once he does return, I will be continuing to blog (hopefully more). The next adventure will be a wild one as well. Recruiting Duty. I am so excited and can't wait for that chapter to begin (sarcastic here), but let's get us through this one first. Dyzgoneby Sniper, I am waiting for your answer. Honestly think about it. Maybe we can even talk Wingman or Bubba into joining us as well.

Your Laugh For Today, Your Welcome

Thought I would give ya'll another update on my "screwed-up" not cooperating ankles/feet. I couldn't walk this weekend, I had to crawl up and down the stairs. It's not funny people, I have way to much energy to sit on my a$$. It was so bad, I even had Drama Queen come home to.....are you ready......take care of me. This is beyond pathetic. Today, I get up at 0500 and thought I was going to get ready for work, jumped out of bed and....... are you ready for this one.........fell. My feet didn't want to cooperate. This is starting to piss me off. I got up and sat on my chair. Yes, it is some what funny. I can laugh at myself, but I have a life and this is not in my plans. I wait around until 0730 and call the doc. They scheduled me a appointment for 1110. Drama Queen was here and I asked her if she would go with me to help. As we are getting ready to leave it took her another 10 frickin minutes to get out the door. She was bitching she was hungry. Then she couldn't find her DVDs. Then it was her head phones. (she wanted to take her portable DVD player to keep her company) Now, I know where all this stuff is, but it is upstairs and it literally would take me 5 minutes to get back up those damn stairs and grab it for her. I told here exact location and she starts crying she can't find it. At this point I don't give a flying leap where her shit is, I am ready to go. At the doctor's office, she is becoming more of a pain in the ass. I went in to see the doc. Down to take x-rays and back upstairs to the doc. The whole time she is complaining she is hungry and "I" didn't pack her anything to eat. Not my frickin' problem. When the doc comes back in, she tells me I have Achilles Tendonitis in both my feet. I need to stay off of them (thankfully I didn't tell her I played golf on Friday), ice them, another prescription of happy drugs / anti-inflammatory, physical therapy and use crutches for awhile. Drama Queen helps me back into the car, complaining the whole way she has to carry everything and she's tired. All she is carrying: my purse, a book for me to read and her DVD player. That's it. Then she starts bitching the DVD player "scratched" her leg. Can you now guess why I call her "Drama Queen?" I couldn't get Jedi over to the house to pick her up fast enough. I needed a break from her "I'm bored" I'm hungry" "you won't play with me".... I really didn't have the patience. Don't get me wrong, she is a good kid. Just a little on the dramatic side. I called into work and let them know, I would be there tomorrow. A little while later a co-worker calls me just laughing her ass off, "I hear you are coming into work tomorrow on crutches." Laughing hysterically, "How and what did you do?" See she knew the answer already. She is one of the runners at work who gave me advice I didn't listen to. She than precedes to tell me, she used me as an example at a "Team in Training" meeting this weekend of "WHAT NOT TO DO." Can you imagine what work is going to be like tomorrow? I already feel like a huge dumb ass. Now I even have it painted on me. This is complete bullshit for someone who is just trying to get into shape by running. I relayed all this to Sniper today and he tells me to join the gym. It might be a little easier on me. How hard can it be to run and not hurt yourself? If I did this running, can you imagine the damage I can do at the gym? I don't know if Sniper is going to like what he comes home to....me all wrapped up from head to toe. The positive spin to all of this: See that book next to my damn, old frickin feet? I guess I won't have any choice but to study that damn thing. Dyzgoneby Sniper, you honestly may want to rethink the whole gym idea for me. I am game, but I don't know if my body is going to play nice.

A Few More Pics To Chew On

Another bunch I wouldn't want to mess with... One less cache from the "bad guys," one point for our "Marines." dyzgoneby Sniper, in case I haven't told you lately, THANK YOU for keeping us all safe.

What We, As A Society, Take For Granted

The other day at work I popped up into my myspace. Now before you go thinking WTF, I have family I keep in touch with this way, including my cousin in Germany. I checked out Sniper's page, lo and behold he had a picture up. He hadn't been on it since before boots on the ground. I sat there for a long time and just stared at that picture. I even made a few comments about how he looked. A few of my co-workers came around to look at the picture. That's when they asked "Is that the first time you have seen him?" I sat back for a second and kept staring at the picture. "No, I have seen a video of him from CNN a few months back, a picture of him on the 1st MLG website (again a few months back), and a DVD he sent to all of us a month and a half ago. He looks great. He said he lost weight, but WOW." The Video a friend of mine found online and the picture I found. I was on top of the world when I saw them. Why? Most people won't understand or think you may be a little morbid or sadistic, but it means they are alive. It also is the closest I will see him in a very long time. Another co-worker looked and said "Is that a gun he's holding?" I just laughed. She is a really sweet person (no Sniper you can't have her, she would eat you alive), but lives in another world. One that some days I wonder what it is like to live in. One where you don't take for granted the little mundane things of life. What will you eat for dinner? What's on TV? You have so much laundry to do, how are you going to do it all? Can you go another night without going grocery shopping? Do you have time to get your nails done? Do you need a new outfit for a party this weekend? Instead you wonder.... Whether you are going to here from your loved one today. And when you do, will this be the last time you hear his voice. Catching a glimpse of him on the internet/TV. Is he warm? Is he safe? Is he going to be wounded again (this is one I worry about more)? hmm...... Yesterday morning, I got up and looked again. I didn't see anything new, but I realized Sniper was on. I was able to talk to him for a few minutes. Before you go thinking........yippy skippy, that was the first and only time in 5 months I have talked to him online. Again, think about what most people take for granted. Sending emails or IMs and getting a response is no big deal in most people's world. I know I am able to talk to him more than most in this world and believe me, I don't take that for granted either. Picking up the phone just to say "Hi" or "Hey, what's for dinner?" Think about it. This morning when I woke I, I jumped out of bed excited as to what I would see next. Kinda like a kid waiting for Christmas, except this isn't Christmas, it's the life I live in. I popped in and Sniper posted more pictures and it had me thinking about what we as a society take for granted everyday. Look at these 3 pictures. Do you notice anything most people would take for granted? Take a real close look. I am sure you can find something. Not how most people live there daily lives is it? I know I don't wear a kevlar on a daily basis or a 9mm. Personally, I like this one of Sniper sitting on the Humvee. However, he looks very hot, tired and ready to get the hell out of there. Notice where these guys are sleeping? Think about that as you climb in your comfy bed tonight. Think about this picture as you cuddle up with your pillow and blankets. Notice anything about the humvee? I don't know the story behind it and I don't think I want to know. I do know this is the reality Sniper and his Marines live in. As I look at that picture, I can conjure up lots of scenarios. I don't like what they are. I know where Sniper sits and all I can think about is how very lucky that man is. I also look at these and know again this is the closest I will see him for a few more months. This life has taught me to take nothing for granted. I have always lived my life with few regrets (Sniper is one of them). Now, I live it as: One Life, No regrets Today as you are going about your normal everyday routine, stop to remember what so many Men and Woman sacrifice, just so you can have your freedom. Dyzgoneby Take a look at this bunch. I wouldn't want to fuck with them either jihad's! Then again you guys aren't too fucking bright to begin with.

Golfing with Me

I tried to play 9 holes of golf today and it was frickin hotter than haties outside. 105 degrees. OMG, I don't know how our guys in Iraq can stand this shit. What f*ckin idiot comes up with the dress code for a golf course? Especially when it is hotter than shit. We have to wear collared shirts and shorts to a certain length. Hell no. I feel like some snob with there nose so far up someone else's ass. No, I don't think I would fit in with the "Country Club" crowd. Hell, my mouth would get me thrown out the first time I said "oh f*ck no" or "f*ck you" my two favorites. I sucked it up and endured it for awhile anyway. Thankfully I wore a tank top under my "collard shirt" and eventually when no one was looking I took it off. The shorts, I couldn't do anything about. I just had to deal. Here is a few pics for your pleasure. Me, one of my advisors (Lil D) and two other co-workers Yah, I sooo suck doing this, but the team I was on, won 1st place. It wasn't for the way I played. One of the guys actually knows how to play. I am not complaining, we won movie tickets. Yes, sniper I will wait for us to go together. Just please don't be pissed at me for too long. I do love you with all my heart. I know I f*cked up and I promise not do it again. I know I have a lot at stake. No, I won't tell, but it wasn't too bright on my part, but I bet if you try you could guess......... Look real hard at the pics. Do you see anything interesting? Look at my ankles. I have both wrapped and can not walk for shit and that was before we played (nope, this isn't the reason Sniper is not so happy with me). I went to the docs yesterday and it looks like I pulled more than I realized. I need to stay off of my feet for at least a week, keep them wrapped, take ibuprofen, and keep them iced. Oh my. I plan on taking some drugs here soon and hitting the rack. Just as soon as I get off of this computer.......maybe. This weekend is a study weekend. WHAT JOY!!!! dyzgoneby Sniper, I love you!

CAUTION, Dyzgoneby using Foul Language Ahead

I will caution you, my mouth is beyond my control right about now. If you don't like the potty mouth I am about to spew, please don't read this. I am so ready for some positive reporting. Oh wait, what the fuck am I thinking, this is the land of the free and the home of the brave and the MSM/Democrat/I hate fucking Bush/ bullshit crowd can slant anything there way. Oh wait, again what the fuck am I thinking, they can slant anything they choose because OUR MILITARY GIVES THEM THIS RIGHT. Dumb fucking me, I almost forgot (slaps forehead with hand). I am going to give you a few pieces to read, if you haven't seen them yet. Hadithah Camp Pendleton 8 Hadji Girl When the fuck is it going to stop? Is it just me or is the Marine Corps incidents a little more than normal? Does any of this have to do with that the dick weed Murtha spewing his crap? I have some questions, I would love for someone to fucking explain to this Proud US Civilian.....Please give me your 2 cents because this just doesn't make any sense to me. How does this effect the morale of the Marines who are still in a combat zone? Not sure on this one, but it makes me wonder. Is this going to affect how Marines and our Military are doing there job? From what I hear, people are jumping on the bandwagon and reporting the smallest and stupidest incidents. You know, I don't like the way that was handled, maybe I can play the "Was the ROE broken?" I don't like that person, maybe I can see how far I can push the envelope. If you don't think it happens, think again. Investigations are actually going on with this bullshit. People are being investigated for accusations and convicted in the eyes of there peers, before the investigation is complete. Which will in turn prove absolutely, positively nothing fucking happened that wasn't supposed to in a time of war. So I guess to sorta answer my own question, yes, it can and will affect how our Military does it's job. Someone may hesitate to pull that trigger and the ramifications that may come around won't be grand. Does anyone out there still give a flying fuck? The only people I see who truly give a fuck have either: been there, done that, doing that or are somehow connected with the Military. The rest, just listen to the bullshit. Personally, I am very grateful for the freedom my family and I have. I am very thankful we have people in the USA that still fight for what is right. I am very thankful for men like Sniper, who give up everything for people like me to enjoy the comforts of life. Anyone out there in the land of the fucked up MSM realize WE ARE AT WAR? Again, I don't think they do. We need to ship every one of them to Iraq, in a actual combat zone and not just in hiding in a comfy hotel. I would like to add MoFo Murtha to that list. I am sure I can find a few Marines who would show him a good time in IRAQ, outside the wire. Anyone out there in the land of the fucked up MSM realize we are giving the insurgents what they want? Personally, I don't think they really give a fuck. HELLO STUPID PEOPLE......Do you fucking get it yet? I am so fucking tired of this shit. Let our military do there job. I got a slogan for you: SIT DOWN SHUT UP AND LET MY MARINE DO HIS JOB *Check this video out "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" H/T AFSister dyzgoneby FYI, I am not drunk, just very pissed and tired of the BULLSHIT. If you don't like it here, I will pay for you to get the fuck out of my Country. I am off to get a drink, because I sure can use it to deal with all the BULLSHIT as of late.

In Case Ya'll Needed a Laugh, Laugh at Me for Awhile

I know I have been a little pre-occupied and not blogging for the last couple of days, but I am here. Just so your not wondering: No Sniper isn't home (it will be sometime in the next 2 to 3 months), no I am not pregnant (come on people, Marines can be creative, but not that creative), Sniper hasn't been inured again (twice is about all we can take for awhile), the kids are still alive and they are good to go (I haven't duct taped the kids in a few weeks to the wall), it's just other bullshit. I can tell you, I have not been running since Saturday (in 95 degree heat, oh yeah baby bring it on). Remember me bitching about my ankles. Well, trying to run through the pain in your feet/ankles is NOT a good idea. I think I damaged more than what I expected. My tendons on the outside of BOTH my feet (just under my ankles) are very swollen. I haven't worn shoes since Saturday and can barely walk. Have you ever looked at someone dressed nice and looked down to see they are wearing FLIP FLOPS? Let me tell you the looks I have been getting is pretty funny (I look like a beach bum). Then you add in the way I am walking, like an old drunk hag with something stuck way up her arse. It's a hoot. If this continues I will have to go have it checked out. For now it's ICE ICE BABY and Mortin (I wish I had something stronger). What's going to be hilarious is my office on Friday is spending the day, in 107 degree heat playing golf and I said I would go and play. That's fine and dandy if I could walk and if I could play golf. I have never played in my life (unless you count miniature golf). I have been out to the driving range.......once. When I did hit the ball (once every 12 swings) it went the opposite direction of where it is supposed to go. So, I can't walk, can't play golf, it's going to be 107 degrees outside and we all will be drinking the day away. All I can say is "CAUTION, HARD HAT AREA" Don't say I didn't forewarn ya'll. *FYI, It's all in the shoes. A word from the not so wise, you get what you pay for. Do not run in just any shoes, this can be a big mistake. Now my ass and my ankles are swealing up to the same size. dyzgoneby Sniper, we are almost there. I love ya. I promise to take lots of pics. You will enjoy the laugh, that's a promise.

3/5 Marines, corpsman charged with Iraqi civilian’s murder

By Gidget Fuentes Times staff writer CAMP PENDLETON, Calif. — The Marine Corps on Wednesday charged seven Marines and one Navy sailor with premeditated murder, kidnapping and conspiracy in the April 26 death of an Iraqi man. The eight men, all members of Kilo Company, 3rd Battalion, 5th Marines, remain in confinement at the Camp Pendleton brig, where they have been held since May 24. The decision to impose the charges, which defense attorneys were expecting, was made by Lt. Gen. John F. Sattler, who commands Marine Corps Forces Central Command as well as the Pendleton-based I Marine Expeditionary Force. The men are charged in connection with the shooting death of Hashim Ibrahim Awad, a resident of the village of Hamdania, which was in Kilo Company’s operating area in Iraq’s Anbar province. According to the charges, investigators believe the men broke into Awad’s home, took him away, shot him and then tried to cover it up by stealing a shovel and an AK-47 assault rifle to use as props to make it look as if Awad had been an insurgent when they shot him. Marine Corps officials first learned of the allegations on May 1 when local Iraqis raised the issue with local commanders during a council meeting in Hamdania. A preliminary inquiry led officials to order a criminal investigation. Col. Stewart Navarre, chief of staff for Marine Corps Installations-West, said the decision was based on findings of the criminal investigation, which the Naval Criminal Investigative Service began on May 7. “We are absolutely committed to holding fair and impartial proceedings in full compliance with the Uniform Code of Military Justice,” Navarre, a former regimental commander of 5th Marines, told reporters at an afternoon press conference at the base. Charged are: • Sgt. Lawrence G. Hutchins III, the squad leader, with premeditated murder, conspiracy, larceny, housebreaking, assault, kidnapping, obstruction of justice and three counts of making false official statements. • Cpl. Trent D. Thomas, with premeditated murder, conspiracy, larceny, housebreaking, assault, false official statement, housebreaking, kidnapping and obstruction of justice. • Cpl. Marshall L. Magincalda, with premeditated murder, conspiracy, larceny, assault, false official statement, housebreaking, kidnapping and obstruction of justice. • Navy Hospital Corpsman 3rd Class Melson J. Bacos, with premeditated murder, conspiracy, larceny, assault, false official statement, housebreaking, kidnapping and obstruction of justice. • Lance Cpl. Tyler A. Jackson, with premeditated murder, conspiracy, larceny, housebreaking, assault, housebreaking, kidnapping and obstruction of justice. • Lance Cpl. Jerry E. Shumate Jr., with premeditated murder, conspiracy, larceny, assault, housebreaking, kidnapping and obstruction of justice. • Lance Cpl. Robert B. Pennington, with premeditated murder, conspiracy, larceny, assault, housebreaking, kidnapping and obstruction of justice. • Pfc. John J. Jodka, with premeditated murder, conspiracy, larceny, assault, false official statement, housebreaking, kidnapping and obstruction of justice. The men were initially confined in Iraq on May 12. No dates for the initial Article 32 investigation hearings have been set, officials said. The eight men remain in the brig, where they are being held in solitary cells in an area called “special quarters.” The maximum punishment for premeditated murder is the death penalty, although Navarre said that “it is far too early to speculate” whether the prosecution would seek that sentence if any of them are convicted of murder. Four other members of their squad had been held to pretrial restriction on base. They have not been charged and are no longer restricted, although Marine Corps officials said the investigation was continuing. “They are performing appropriate duties,” said Navarre, noting “the commanding officer felt that pretrial restraint was no longer required.” The battalion remains in Iraq and is slated to return home in August. The prosecution of the eight men is likely to tax the legal resources available at Camp Pendleton, which routinely has had the largest legal caseload of the Corps’ military bases. Several attorneys representing the men attended the press conference and said that they had not yet been given copies of the official charges or any parts of the investigation. “We’ve seen no evidence,” said Marine Maj. Haytham Faraj, a defense attorney representing Thomas, who is married and was on his third deployment to Iraq. “We have not received the charge sheets yet.” Officials and attorneys declined to provide specifics of what their clients have told them or what has driven the Corps to make the charges. Rick Brannon, an attorney from Gainesville, Fla., representing Hutchins, said he was eager to see the charges and begin the discovery process to see what evidence and witness testimonies the government has received. “Until I do that, I don’t really know how the case will go,” Brannon said. The sergeant’s family “feel like their son is innocent, but of course they are scared,” Brannon said. Joseph H. Low, a Newport News attorney representing Magincalda, called them “baseless charges” driven by Iraqis who want money. The charges didn’t come as a surprise to David Brahms, a retired judge advocate general and attorney in Carlsbad, Calif., representing Pennington, who was eager “to get on with the fight” in court. Brahms noted other high-profile criminal cases that eventually led to acquittals or dismissed charges. “These are cases that at first blush are horrible charges,” he said. “This is a story within the rules (of engagement),” he added. dyzgoneby ~Just in case you haven't seen this~

Musical Dissonance

American Muslim group angered by Marine’s amateur music video By John Hoellwarth Times staff writer When Cpl. Joshua Belile picked up his guitar and performed his original song “Hajji Girl” for buddies in Iraq, nobody was offended: He received only laughter and cheers from his audience. But a four-minute video of the performance posted on the Internet after his unit came back to Marine Corps Air Station New River, N.C., in March has drawn the ire of a Muslim civil liberties group, which called upon the Pentagon and Congress June 12 to investigate the truthfulness of the song’s lyrics and to “identify and discipline” those responsible for the video. The Corps has launched an investigation at the urging of the Council on American-Islamic Relations. The former sergeant major of Marine Corps Forces, Pacific, Robert Holub, warns Marines that “inappropriate comments, even if said in jest, can have far-reaching effects.” The Hajji of the song’s title refers to a Muslim who has made his obligatory pilgrimage to Mecca. It is not uncommon for U.S. service members deployed to the Middle East to refer to all Arabs as Hajji, either neutrally or pejoratively. Belile’s lyrics describe a Marine falling in love with an Arab woman at a Burger King in Iraq. The woman coaxes him home, and her brother and father meet him at the door armed with AK47s. The Marine in the song shields himself with the woman’s little sister when the brother and father open fire. He then takes cover behind a television, locks and loads his weapon and kills the men who attempted to ambush him. Belile’s lyrics are gory and vivid. CAIR spokesman Ibrahim Hooper said the song, which was viewed by about 50,000 people before it was removed from www.youtube.com, “glorifies the killing of Iraqi civilians.” Media reports have included words from the song published in CAIR’s June 12-14 press releases. Quoted out of context, the lyrics suggest the Marine in the song wantonly killed unarmed civilians. CAIR’s concern comes at a time when the Corps is investigating allegations that Marines in Hadithah killed as many as two dozen unarmed Iraqi civilians last November. The Corps is also investigating seven Marines and a sailor in connection with the April 26 shooting of an Iraqi civilian in Hamdaniya. No charges have been filed as a result of either investigation. Hooper explained the lyrical omission by saying that CAIR chose to “pull out those lyrics that we were most concerned over and that we most wanted Pentagon officials to address.” Belile is an aircraft mechanic assigned to Marine Light Attack Helicopter Squadron 167 and served in Iraq from August 2005 to March. He was never awarded the Combat Action Ribbon, said 2nd Marine Aircraft Wing spokeswoman Maj. Shawn Haney. Kathleen Duigan, executive director of the National Institute of Military Justice said that the incident seems, at most, like a simple instance of bad judgment the Corps typically addresses with closed-door counseling or a reduction in a Marine’s proficiency and conduct marks. “That’s the problem with today’s day and age. You used to screw something up in the barracks, and your command would take care of it. Now, you screw something up on the Internet, it’s worldwide,” Holub said. “Marines need to be professional in all their dealings on and off duty. You may think you’re just making a private comment to somebody, but once it gets on the Internet, it could be harmful.” Military law experts agree that neither Belile nor the still-anonymous person who uploaded the video to the Internet seem to have committed a crime. Haney said the Corps’ own lawyers have told 2nd MAW’s commanding general, Brig. Gen. Robert Milstead, exactly that. Nevertheless, the Corps distanced itself, calling the actions of the songwriter and anonymous videographer “insensitive” and “inappropriate” in a June 13 release. Even though no crime appears to have been committed, Milstead appointed an investigating officer June 14 to conduct a preliminary inquiry, Haney said. Haney said Milstead made it clear that no gag order should be issued, though Belile has been told by his leadership to keep silent on the matter. Before he got that order, he told the Jacksonville Daily News, “It’s a song that I made up, and it was nothing more than something supposed to be funny,” according to a June 14 report. “I apologize for any feelings that may have been hurt in the Muslim community. This song was written in good humor and not aimed at any party, foreign or domestic.” dyzgoneby ~Just in case you didn't see this one~

Following the Rules

Civilian deaths in Hadithah fell within procedural norms, lawyers say By Gidget FuentesTimes staff writer OCEANSIDE, Calif. — Marines who swept through a Hadithah neighborhood last November, leaving two dozen dead Iraqi civilians in their wake, were acting in self-defense and within established, rehearsed combat rules issued by their commanders, say two lawyers representing the Marines. The Marines’ actions Nov. 19 are the subject of two investigations and a firestorm of criticism from lawmakers, who have promised hearings. Iraqi government leaders say they want to put the Marines on trial. To date, no leathernecks in the unit, a squad from Kilo Company, 3rd Battalion, 1st Marines, have been punished. “It’s unfortunate that this got kicked off the way it did,” said Gary Myers, a retired military attorney representing a Marine in the squad. “There was an ongoing investigation that seemed to be fairly reasonable and rational and became hysterical overnight with Congressman [John] Murtha’s announcement. Because he is a member of Congress, it had some traction.” Rep. Murtha, D-Pa., a retired Marine colonel, said at a May 17 press conference: “Our troops overreacted because of the pressure on them, and they killed innocent civilians in cold blood.” Myers, who defended Army Lt. William Calley during his court-martial for the 1968 My Lai massacre in Vietnam, said, “There is this expectation that criminality has occurred here when there may well be none.” Myers won’t say which Marine he represents. Another lawyer, Neal Puckett, a retired lieutenant colonel in Alexandria, Va., represents Staff Sgt. Frank Wuterich, who led Kilo Company’s 1st Squad with 3rd Platoon, the squad the investigation is focusing on in connection with the killings. Wuterich, on his first combat deployment, joined 3/1 last summer following a tour at the School of Infantry, and had previously served with 3rd Marines in Hawaii, Puckett said. He’s remained at 3/1 and has advanced to platoon sergeant. “He’s optimistic. He feels he’s frustrated. He’s certainly not pleased that civilians were killed,” Puckett said. “But he’s confident that he and his Marines did the right thing. There was no investigation or question immediately in the days that followed.” Myers said his client tells the same story as Wuterich, who was the ranking Marine at the scene Nov. 19. Wuterich, a 26-year-old from Meriden, Conn., was in the third of four Humvees that had left the company’s base, called Sparta, about 7 a.m. to drop off a group of Iraqi army soldiers at a traffic-control point in Hadithah. In his vehicle were six Iraqi soldiers. About 7:15 a.m., a roadside bomb exploded under the fourth Humvee, driven by Lance Cpl. Miguel Terrazas, a 20-year-old Texan, and the convoy came to a stop. Terrazas died in the blast. The Marines and Iraqi soldiers shifted into defensive positions to counter a possible coordinated ambush and to look for a triggerman. They tended to wounded men, assessed the scene and called for reinforcements. Sometime after the blast — Puckett said he wasn’t sure when — a white sedan turned off another road onto the street and stopped. The Marines had to determine whether the vehicle, which carried a driver and four other men, was part of an attack. “The initial thing they did was they tried to detain a car full of males,” Puckett said. “[Wuterich] didn’t really recall any taxi markings. It was just a plain white car.” Whether the men heard or understood the Marines’ calls is unknown. The men “started running at the time,” Puckett said. Since the Marines had been trained that they could fire at suspicious people who are positively identified as a threat, and thinking the men were linked to the bomb or were running from a vehicle-borne bomb, they engaged them, killing all five, Puckett said. A search of the vehicle and the men, however, found no weapons. Local residents told several news outlets the men were returning after getting a ride to a technical school in Baghdad. They may have been fleeing in fear. Shortly after that, Puckett said, a quick-reaction force arrived at the scene. Wuterich “reported to the platoon commander what had happened,” Puckett said. He conferred with the platoon commander, whom Puckett described as a young second lieutenant. “Sometime later, they had begun receiving rifle fire from a house,” Puckett said. One of the Marines told the staff sergeant that shots had been fired from a house across the street. Wuterich assembled a four-man team and assaulted the house. One Marine kicked in the door and the team moved through several empty rooms. Inside one room, they heard rustling or voices behind a closed door. Believing armed insurgents were inside, the four-man stack kicked open the door and one of the Marines tossed a fragmentary grenade into the dark room. Another Marine, a corporal who was on his second tour in Iraq and had fought in Fallujah in November 2004, began firing to “clear” the room of suspected enemy. “He rolled a hand grenade and he went in shooting,” Puckett said. The Marines soon realized that civilians, including women and children, were inside that room. Six people were killed. At some point, while they were inside the house, the Marines thought the insurgents had fled the house, so they gave chase toward an adjacent home. At that house, the four-man stack followed similar procedures, kicking in a door, where they shot a man and moved toward another room, where they heard movement and rustling. They tossed in a grenade and laid clearing fire into the room. It, too, was a room with civilians, and eight were killed in the clearing operation. Wuterich reported to the company that there was “collateral damage,” and he reported about a dozen or so civilians had died, Puckett said. “They found no bad guys and innocent people got killed,” Puckett said. “They still were looking for the insurgents.” The Marines believed that insurgents, possibly someone linked to the bomb blast, had hidden among the residents as they had done in previous engagements. “There were coordinated attacks around Hadithah throughout the day,” Puckett noted. “The bad guys were there.” With Iraqi soldiers assisting with security, the Marines scoured the neighborhood and set up in several sites to oversee the area. According to Puckett, Wuterich and several Marines were on a rooftop when they spotted a suspicious man dressed in black, which Marines believe many insurgents wear, running from one of the houses that had been searched. He was shot and killed, although it’s unclear whether any weapons were found on him. They saw a second suspicious man, similarly dressed, on a nearby street. Several Marines went to find him and came across a courtyard, where a number of women and children pointed to a nearby house. The Marines approached the house and, seeing one man with an AK47 rifle, fired at him. Inside, the Marines killed him and three other men. As violent as their actions were, the Marines say they reacted and responded in accordance with established rules of engagement, which are the do’s and don’ts that dictate how and when they can take offensive actions and take defensive measures in order to accomplish the mission and protect themselves. ROEs vary by locale, threat, mission and environment, and military spokesmen say ROEs are a classified secret. Marines receive regular briefings on the rules. Capt. James Kimber was 3/1’s India Company commander until he was fired in April, for reasons he says were unrelated to Hadithah. He said his men even incorporated ROEs into mission rehearsals. ROEs “always changed. They were continuously updated,” Kimber said. “It was continuous, and we always had classes in escalation of force, rules of engagement, laws of war … It was just mind-numbing.” ‘To shoot or not to shoot’ Some ROEs are intended to minimize civilian casualties or collateral damage, and all include the universally accepted right of self-defense. “It’s tough. Every Marine has to make that split [second] decision whether to shoot or not to shoot,” said a colonel, a former infantry battalion commander and two-tour Iraq war veteran who asked not to be named. “It boils down to the training that you have and the practical applications and the scenarios you run with your platoon and your squad.” It’s likely that the ongoing Hadithah investigations will look at whether the Marines operated within the ROEs that existed at the time, or whether any of their actions violated the rules and unnecessarily or deliberately endangered civilians. Defense attorneys contend that the Marines were within the rules. “From what I know to be true, there is nothing that could suggest that the Marines did anything other than follow the rules of engagement,” Myers said. “There are many things unanswered, but the main thing we’ve said is that the rules of engagement are the linchpin of the case.” If troops perceive and identify a threat, under the ROE they may be able to take offensive action. “For example, if you see an [improvised explosive device] go off and you see people running from it, you may or may not shoot them,” he said. “If your ROE says, if you think fire came from a house and you believe that in good faith, you may without further inquiry take out every resident in the house,” he added. Much like what infantrymen encountered in Vietnamese hamlets, identifying the enemy among civilians is difficult but critical. In Iraq, “the common thing was they would hide among the civilians,” said a Marine sergeant, a reservist who’s pulled two combat tours in Iraq. It’s not unusual, he said, for insurgents to use the cover of crowds, such as kids on the street or adults playing soccer, to hide and fire at U.S. forces or set off a roadside bomb. “Sometimes, they go into a house and grab a family and hunker down,” the sergeant said. The Hadithah area is notorious as an insurgent stronghold and dozens of Marines have been killed there in the past two years. Other Marines have been hit with roadside bombs on the same street where the IED killed Terrazas, said an officer who spent part of last year in the Hadithah and Anbar provinces. Reactions vary by incident and threat. In some cases where Marines come under fire, “They should immediately cordon the area and go through the entire block, one by one,” the officer said. “That doesn’t mean they wouldn’t throw a grenade if it was the suspected house.” If the Marines’ version of events is true, and they acted within the ROEs, the larger issue may be whether the proper rules were implemented. “We may be looking at the wrong place,” Myers said. “The place to look may well be at what were the rules of engagement and were they reasonable? That is a very important point.” And the rules often are changing and adjusting to the threats and dangers in different locales in Iraq. “It depends so much on the specifics of the ROE in place at that point in time and whether or not it was implemented correctly,” Myers added. “But let’s assume that all the things that were said happened — short of simply lining people up and murdering them, which does not appear did happen — what do we have? We have Marines following robust rules of engagement, the principle purpose of which is to protect them, which has not great regard for the civilian population, and is basically saying you can engage in justifiable homicide. “So when you enter a house and go through the procedures of fragmentation grenades and room clearing, if that was part of the rules of engagement, the question becomes are those rules inappropriately drawn?” he said. — Gidget Fuentes, Times staff writer dyzgoneby ~Just in case you didn't see this~

Commitment

I am borrowing this from One Marines View. Most of you, if not all of you have probably read it. Since I promised I won't say shit (I am keeping my mouth shut) or comment, I will let Capt B's words speak for me (at least for now). I am keeping my promise to you (you know who you are) and letting this speak for me. These words so adequately say what I am feeling at this point. I am very frustrated with the way the whole system is working for/against our Marines. The way the MSM has been portraying everything in Iraq the last few months, I know of way too many who are feeling the backlash from it. I also feel some Marines, need to be reminded what the "Corps" Values are. Semper Fi! COMMITMENT is the spirit of determination and dedication found in Marines. It leads to the highest order of discipline for individuals and units. It is the ingredient that enables 24-hour-a-day dedication to the Corps and country. It inspires the unrelenting determination to achieve a standard of excellence in every endeavor. Total dedication to Corps and Country. Gung-ho Marine teamwork. All for one, one for all. By whatever name or cliche, commitment is a combination of (1) selfless determination and (2) a relentless dedication to excellence. Marines never give up, never give in, never willingly accept second best. Excellence is always the goal. And, when their active duty days are over, Marines remain reserve Marines, retired Marines, or Marine veterans. There is no such thing as an ex-Marine or former-Marine. Once a Marine, always a Marine. Commitment never dies. When times are tuff, you are tired and you don’t think you can continue, that’s when commitment prevails, you get a second wind and you overcome your situation as a Marine. The truth lies in the individual Marine. He (or she) did not join the Marines. Roughly 40,000 try each year. Those who survive the crucible of Marine basic training have been sculpted in mind and body. They have become Marines. Once he has earned the title and entered the Brotherhood of Marines, a new warrior must draw upon the legacy of his Corps. Therein lies his strength. In return, the strength of the Corps lies in the individual Marine. The character (often defined as "what you are in the dark") of these warriors is defined by the three constant Corps Values: honor, courage, and commitment. The three Corps Values: honor, courage, commitment. They make up the bedrock of the character of each individual Marine. They are the foundation of his Corps. These three values, handed down from generation to generation, have made U.S. Marines the Warrior Elite. The U.S. Marine Corps: the most respected and revered fighting force on earth. Dyzgoneby Sniper, I love you. Please keep your ass down and stay safe.

A Little Clumsy

As I am walking down the stairs at 0115 this morning, I fell down the stairs and hit the wall. I knocked over everything that was once attached to the wall. Ouch! First off, I am not that clumsy. Well....maybe, but not this time. After work last night and with the kids home for the weekend, I wanted to go out for a run. They went with me. That in itself probably won't happen again. Drama Queen rode her bike. That was fine, but she doesn't know the proper way of riding with mom running. You know, stay the fuck out of my way, stop running over the back of my legs and don't talk to me (I can't hear you with head phones on). We stopped countless times. Some because of her and some because of me. My thighs and butt feel much better, some pain, but remember "Pain is Weakness Leaving the Body." Unless they pain is heading down between my ankles and the heels of my feet. I have been able to run through everything else, but this. This I can't even walk with. What really sucked, I wasn't that tired when I ran, I just kept feeling this sharp pain shot up my calves and into my heels. So last night as I was talking to Sniper, hobbling down the stairs, my feet hit the tile and the pain shot up through my calves and that's when I fell. Smooth move. I laughed, but didn't want to make a ass out of myself on the phone. I left everything right where it was that fell off the wall. This morning, Lego Man comes running up the stairs "Mom, something happened down stairs. Come here quick." As I am going back down those stairs (I decided I don't like living in a two story anymore, the stairs and I don't get along), I told him not to worry about it, nobody broke in. I was up last night and I fell. The little shit sat there and laughed at me. I need to figure out how to stretch out the pain in my feet and ankles. I want to run again today. I am extremely motivated. Besides some of the Marine Moms running at the Boot Camp Challenge are already talking smack. They are running in teams and it looks like I might be running this as an individual (I haven't decided if I want to run alone or on a team). Some of them are using there "Marine" as a trainer and one of them her son is a DI and helping her. Oh Shit! As this is becoming competitive, I am looking for any ideas how to kick the shit of these women without making an ass out of myself. What other things I should be working on, besides running? Anyone? Help!!!!! dyzgoneby Sniper, when you get home, would you please come put this old bitch into shape? I can't have these "Marine Moms" get the best of me. Another day down until your in my arms again. You're almost there. I love you with all my heart.

"Pain is Weakness Leaving The Body"

Yep, that about sums it up right about now. I thought my body hurt this morning. I had a helluva time walking down the stairs just to get my cup of joe when I woke up this wonderful morning. Then to turn around and walk back up, it sucked to know end. I then did my morning sit-ups and push-ups, I pushed myself. However, I walked around today like I had something stuck way up my arse. So, what do I do when I get home? Relax with my feet up? Sit on my ass and take the night off? Give my thighs and ass a rest (yes even my butt hurts)? Oh Hell No. Nope, not this bitch. I decided what the hell is a little more pain. I came home, loaded the 2 new Marine Corps Cadence CDs I received in the mail today on my MP3 player and hit the pavement. This time I ran/walked 2.5 miles. Something about listening with the Cadence CD helped. I listened to the boots hitting the ground and timed my rhythm with it. Each day I am going to add just a little more time. Maybe just maybe I won't make a fool out of myself. Ohhh, but let me tell you, tonight, my legs did not want to walk up and down those stairs to my room. This morning I thought I was in pain, tonight I know I am in pain. But hey, "No Pain, No Gain." If that's the case, BRING IT ON!!! I am putting my negative, depressing, self pitty, let's fell sorry for myself, whining, sniveling bullshit energy into something tangible. What better way than to PT to clear your head. In doing so, I am feeling more relaxed (sore), healthier (still can't let go of the donuts though), happier, and positive. Oohrah!!!! dyzgoneby Sniper, I miss you so much. Someone needs to come kick my ass for all the stupid things I keep getting myself into. One of these days, I promise I will listen to you. I love you with all my heart.

Am I Up for Another Challenge

Just got back in from running. Yesterday, I ran 1.3 miles in.....are you ready.....are you sure.....I know I suck....22 minutes. Today, I ran the same course in 12 minutes. What the hell did I do differently today then yesterday? I have no clue, other than today I ate dinner before I ran and that was a huge mistake. I won't be doing that again. My side hurt the last half. I still can't believe I ran in 12 minutes. Before you all start laughing at me, this 35 year old has not exercised like this in 10 plus years. Many moons ago I danced and it kept me in shape. No not with a pole in a club, but a true dancer and a dance instructor. I miss how my body looked. All that muscle has went completely south. So for me to do this, it is a big deal. Anyways, I don't give a rip, it's my blog and I will toot my own horn on here if I want too (I know just like a sniveling brat). Something else, I have asthma (don't say it because I know I am a dumb ass for smoking all these years with this) and yesterday, I thought my lungs were going to explode. I used my inhaler countless times. Today, I didn't use it once, during or after I got back. WOW!!! If I can get into shape by October, there is something down at MCRD that some woman have been egging me on to join them in. Can you guess what that is? Look here and tell me what you think? I am fucking nuts or what...... dyzgoneby Sniper, Can you guess what the Marine Moms are trying to devil dog dare me into? Damn, I can't let them do that.

PT for ME

Unclejim, you set the wheels in motion. The last couple of weeks, when I wasn't studying like I should have been and you told me to "Drop and Give you 20," I really did drop and do 20. I am now up to around 70 a day. Yes, they are girl push-ups, but I will get there. Then I decided my tummy needs to not be as flabby as it is. So, I added sit-ups. I am up to 100 a day. Today, I decided to add something else to mix it up and get my legs and stamina in shape, running. I didn't run for a long time, but lets just say I am feeling super old right about now. That's ok, this is just the first day. Since I quiet smoking (16 days ago), I have put on a few (8) pounds. What can I say, I can't stop eating. I am tired of being old, out of shape, lazy and not eating healthy. I decided it's time for a change and that change is starting today. So here's the change: Drink lots of water. For the first time in my life, EVER, I started drinking PLAIN WATER this last week. Anyone who truly knows me, knows I am a total junk food junkie who drinks nothing but sodas. I have been drinking 3 to 4 bottles of water a day. That's huge for me. Eat healthier. Cut out all the junk food and sugar crap. Eat more fruit. I already eat lots of salads. Run 5 times a week. One of my goals (I can't believe I am going to do this) is to run next year in the Rock 'n' Roll Marathon in San Diego (Team in Training). A few of my co-workers ran this last week and the 6 of them raised over 20k for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. They are planning on doing it again next year and I am hoping to join them. Yes, Sniper I am adding one more thing to my plate. I love you and maybe you can join me. It would be fun to do something like this together. Maybe I will even devil dog dare you. 200 Sit-ups and a 100 Push-ups a day. That shouldn't be that hard to do. Join the gym (as soon as my 1st exam is completed). I want to be in shape and I am tired of being a lazy bitch, who's ass is getting bigger by the day. We have a long full life ahead of us and with Sniper coming home in the next few months, I want to give that Marine a run for his money. We can't have only one of us in shape. Besides, Sniper, wouldn't it be neat to have a running partner. dyzgoneby Sniper, what do you say, you up to running with me? I love you with all my heart.

Calling All Bloggers

I know I am one tiny little person in the blogsphere, but one person can make a difference. I came across the post listed below via The Kept Woman. This is something we all can take the time and do. As Americans we must never forget 9/11. I am asking all four of you to help me do something about it. Click here or here for more information. I have a project and I need the help of a few bloggers to make it work. 2,995 bloggers. September 11, 2006 will mark the 5-year anniversary of the attacks that killed 2,996 innocent people on American soil. A few months ago I started wondering what, if anything, I would write in my blog that day. A remembrance? A tribute? Anything I came up with seemed shallow, cliché, not enough. About a week after the attacks the president ordered all flags returned to full-staff. This seemed too soon to me. A common practice for other deaths had been one day per victim. But when I realized that this would mean flying the flag at half-staff for over sixteen years (remember in those first days the death toll estimate was much higher) I realized that that sort of symbol wouldn’t be healthy for the country. Even with the actual death toll, one day at half-staff for each victim wouldn’t see the flag raised until November 24, 2009. But any idea I came up with gave me the same pause: Nothing I could do could possibly do tribute to all those people. And in the last five years I’ve heard precious little about the victims, but I’ve heard the names of the guilty over and over. Click the title to continue reading and find out more information. H/T: The Kept Woman dyzgoneby

Last night I picked up Lego Man and Drama Queen from Jedi's house at 2130. It seems Lego Man and Jedi got in a huge disagreement and I had to play referee. That would have been fine except I hadn't told the kids about Shelia. Drama Queen lived up to her name, she cried for a long time. Lego Man took it much better than I expected. The only comment he made, "Mom, I don't want anymore pets. They just die." Poor kid. Today I decided to meet my Marine Family support group I belong to for lunch. We all get together once a month and discuss what else, our Marines and what life is like for us. It's a great support system. I haven't been in a few months and really have missed them. I am the only one in the group as a girlfriend/fiance. Everyone else is either a mom, dad or aunt. Currently there is 4 families with a loved one in Iraq. As we are passing our pictures of our Marines around, sharing stories of where they are currently stationed, my phone rings. Sniper sure has impeccable timing. Everyone at the table (there was about 20 of us) in the restaurant starts yelling, "Hi" "Thank You" and "See Ya in Vegas." When I answered the phone, he knew exactly where I was. It didn't take me but a few seconds to realize he has been on the phone talking to his mom. She was the only one who knew where I was heading. I talked to Sniper for a few and went back to lunch. I can't wait until the day I can bring him with me. If all else fails he will meet some of these woman in Vegas (I will tell you more about that one as it gets closer). After the luncheon I headed over to SM's house to celebrate and spend the afternoon with Sniper's family, Bubba's friends and girlfriend. Sniper, she is quiet, polite and a real cutie. Today is Bubba's 16th Birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUBBA! Yesterday, I told you about where I was last year at this time. Well, 15 years ago today, we (Sniper, I and his family) were together celebrating Bubba's 1st birthday. I have known Sniper for many years. We sure have come full circle in the last 15 years. I spent a lot of time looking around and remembering all that has happened in the last 15. I looked at Bubba and remember him as a cute little baby. I remember him taking his first steps. I remember watching him in his crib sleep. I remember going on dates to the drive-ins with Sniper and bringing Bubba with us. I remember Bubba's 1st birthday party. Sniper, your mom and I were talking about it today, as well. The cake SM picked out for today put a huge grin on my face. One side was a picture of Bubba I had taken a few months ago (Sniper, the one with him flexing without his shirt on, pointing to his muscles in his arm) and the other side a picture of Sniper and Bubba, when Bubba was a baby. Damn, if Bubba isn't a spittin' image of Sniper. It's scary. This weekend has been a big one for me on my reflections of the past. Where I have come, what I have missed and knowing the road I am heading down. We don't always know where the future will take us, but I a very thankful for a second chance in this life. dyzgoneby Sniper, I promise you, this will be the very last year you miss out on days like today. I will do everything in my power to make sure of that. You deserve a family that is there for you every step of the way. You have made enough sacrifices, it's time we made some for you.

A Phone Call, One Year Ago

June 9, 2005, Sniper called me. That call has forever changed my life. I am thinking about how far my life has changed in the last year. I can tell you exactly where I was when that call came in. Drama Queen was at her end of year pool party with her class at the local racquet ball club. I was watching her playing with her friends, taking pictures, playing with the other kids, just being a mom, when my phone rang. I looked down and my heart skipped a beat, it was Sniper. We hadn't talked in a few years, but talked as if it was just yesterday. I remember walking around, pacing and not be able to sit still. My heart was jumping out of my skin. I must have paced around the pool 50 times, walked the parking lot a good 20 times and I don't know how many times around the building. That day is forever etched in my head. We made plans to meet the following day. That day would be one year ago today. I saw Sniper for the first time in 10 years. It is funny how I can remember everything that went through my head, the feelings I had and the countless outfits I changed in and out of. I can remember it all as if it was yesterday. How different will he look? damn yummy How different will I look to him? two kids later and a very short hair cut Will it seem if the time has not passed? not at all Will there be that quiet moment, where we both think WTF? never happened for me Will this outfit look better than the last 10? yes, I changed way too many times. I am a female after all Will he take one look at me and turn around and run? nope Will he like the person I have become? I sure hope so Will that spark still be there? no question about that, hands down We went to see "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" with Bubba, Bubba's girlfriend, and his nephew T. I sat next to him very nervous. I remember my hands being so sweaty and clammy. I tried to watch the movie, but my mind kept wandering on where I was at and with whom. The man I have loved for 15 years. I kept thinking I was dreaming. I had dreamed for so long about Sniper and never really thought our paths would cross again. I am so grateful they have. He has always and will always be my soul mate. After we dropped off the kids, we drove around for a few hours. I remember him stopping his truck, parking and us talking (get your minds out of the gutter) for a long time. I remember Sniper, unbuttoning his shirt, grabbing my hand and placing it over his heart. I will never forget that feeling. He told me "I have always had his heart. " As I close my eyes, I can still see it as if was happening, I can still feel his hand on mine. I was shaking like a leaf. I will never forget the good night kiss. It was like the first time all over again. I didn't want to leave. Right then and there I realized, this is where I have belonged all these years, right in his arms. From that day forward, our lives have forever changed. I never would have thought that night, a year later, I would be sitting here waiting for him to return home to me from Iraq or we would be planning our future together. It's funny that neighborhood we were driving around in, I live there now. A little while ago, I was thinking about all this, when my phone rings. Right on que, it was Sniper. I answered the phone laughing and told him what I had been thinking about. Wow, one year later. dyzgoneby Sniper, We have came so far in this last year. I never thought our lives would be where they are at now. I am so grateful you gave it one more shot with that phone call. This road we are on isn't an easy one. Life is never easy, but with the love we have the ride will be enjoyable. You have always been the one and only who holds the key to my heart. I love you with all my heart, body and soul. I always have. "Love is sometimes denied, sometimes lost, sometimes unrecognized, but in the end, always found with no regrets, forever valued and kept treasured."

RIP Little Shelia

I came home tonight to a quiet house. I came upstairs, like I do everynight, and checked on the two little Houdini's. The munchkins are back with Jedi and I knew they probably needed to be feed. I went over to Shelia's cage, opened it up, grabbed the food bowl, filled it up and put it back in the cage. I stopped and looked down, Shelia wasn't moving. OH FUCK!! I have no idea what happened, she was fine yesterday. RIP little Shelia. Shelia, belongs to Lego Man and I don't know how I am going to tell him. I called Jedi up to let him know. He is just as bummed as I am. We agreed not to tell him yet. We have 8 days until Lego Man comes back to my house. Jedi had a plan, buy another one and don't tell him. I laughed my ass off. Then I stopped to think about how much easier life would be if I did this. You see, every damn pet he has had (fish, crabs, countless lizards and his dog 2 years ago) have died on us. It is to the point where he makes small comments as to why "his pets" always die. So yes, I am truly thinking about doing this. However, I still have a few other problems to work out. 1) I have to actually take Shelia out of the cage and do something with her. If I don't tell him, I will wrap her up and throw her in the garbage can. I feel real guilty even thinking about this. What if he finds out? He is not only going to be heart broken, but very pissed at his mom. 2) Do I clean / sanitize the cage or buy a new one? 3) If I do tell Lego Man, we can get another one that looks more like the other little Houdini "Scruffy." 4) If, I tell Lego Man, he is going to want a proper burial. This royally sucks. I know it is a damn hamster, that has drove me insane since the day my parent's brought it to us. However, this is my son's hamster. This is my son who has major issues dealing with normal everyday life occurrences. This is my son who we have been working on the last year to transition into Junior High School in the fall with his therapist. (A long story I will post soon). Why did this damn hamster have to die now? Along those lines, sorta.... I am not going to say much about Al-Zarqawi, other than "Our Military did a JOB WELL DONE!!!!" I am soo glad we got that fuck and I hope his ass rot's in hell. dyzgoneby 11 days smoke-free

Military Mom....I was going to respond in the comments under the post to you, but I realized there is so much more I would like to say. Sniper has been pretty open and honest when it comes to PTSD and how he is handling things. There is so much I know and I am just unsure of how he will perceive and feel what I say about him. These are his demons and not mine to share. It's one thing to talk to each other, but another to share with this world. However, from my perspective, the demons are very real. I have seen and been around him and others who have had or are having issues with PTSD. Some worse than others. I have seen some jump at certain noises and some hit the deck on other noises. Some who can't handle crowds. Some who can't sleep. And some who when they close there eyes the things they try to forget, find there way back to the fore front, and waken drenched in a cold sweat. Some who have flashbacks while driving and some whose tempers have become very short. I know there is so much more help available than before, just not everyone uses it. Quiet a few are afraid of how there chain of command will respond to them asking for help. There are those who don't want anyone to know what they are going through. And there are those that try to become numb to it. There is nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it. It doesn't make you weak or less of a man. dyzgoneby

Reflections of a Past Life

There is so much I want to write. Yet, some I can share, some I can't share and some, well, I am just not ready to open it up for a public debate. Where to start? Which direction? Sniper? Deployment? Home? Studying? Kids? Oh hell, I will just dive in and see where this takes me..... Sniper and his shoulder. It's still healing and nothing has been decided as to where he is headed. He has been avoiding medical like the plague. It might have something to do with the fact that it is still giving him hell, and probably needs more attention then he is willing to give it. I know, it can wait until he comes home. He can function and that's all that counts. Whom am I to judge? If he doesn't come home with the shoulder injury, he has a good chance he will be home with his unit sometime in the next 3 or 4 months. My heart is trying not to become too excited. I have been planning on March of next year and anything before that is a bonus. I know things will change, so I am just going with the flow. But DAMN if it wouldn't be wonderful to see and hold Sniper again in the next few months....yah, I will keep dreaming. Something else that is on my mind, is PTSD. I think about it all the time. I wish I could elaborate, but for now, let's just say I am paying close attention. I am not the only one who is thinking about it as well. The closer time comes, the more I worry about it. Most War Veterans never talk about it. I know neither of my father's talk about the demons they harbor. They don't have to, you can see it in there eyes. Some goes deeper than they let on. When I think of PTSD with War Vets, I think about both my father's ( I have been blessed to have two, one by marriage and one by blood). My dad (the one who had surgery recently) has been sober for 2 weeks. I don't ever remember a time in my life when I have seen him sober and I don't think he has been sober in most of his life. I am very proud of him. My feeling is it started out when he was young and he went away to a war most people try to forget about. He tried everything he could to drown out what he saw and did. The nightmares he had to endure and still does to this day. Somethings will never go away for him. I never understood his fears, apprehensions, anxieties or anything he has seen or gone through, until these last few years. I have never been through what he has been through, but I have a small sense of understanding. One of his fears/memories he brought back with him so many years ago is of snakes. I am not taking a wussy bullshit fear, but a true, gut wrenching terror when it comes to snakes. He flashes back to a time when he was in Vietnam, lying face down in a swamp with these slithering snakes crawling all over him and not being able to do a damn thing about it. All of us, kids included, know not to have any type of toy snake around Papa. It's just the way it is. I have lived with the unspoken haunting and demons for so many years, watching him hide himself in a bottle. He never looked back and all of us have had to live with that, until now. I am so proud of him for taking this first step in coming home. A fear turning into reality I have, is of one losing themself in a bottle just to numb everything. To make the pain go away. To try and ease what they have seen and done with there own eyes and hands. To drown, blackout the memories, hauntings and pain. To feel nothing at all. To drink into total oblivion. This is something that scares me to the very core of my existence. There is so much more I wish I could talk about, but I can't. dyzgoneby 8 days smoke-free and still going strong

Life Around the Casa

This last weekend I had a wonderful time with my kids. I spent zero time studying. Ok, I will drop and do 50, but I am too frickin' tired from all the yard work. The kids & Bubba helped me around the yard on Saturday. I now have a sprinkler system that works again. No, leaky pipes and all the sprinkler heads have been replaced. My flower beds look great. Sunday, I spent a few more hours in the yard. My hands are full of blisters from the rake. My legs look beat to hell from the weed eater and not wearing anything, but shorts and flip flops. I didn't realize it until Drama Queen and I went to have a manicure and pedicure done tonight how bad it all looked. (ok so 3 nights of no studying. I am getting there). Sunday night, Drama Queen and I cuddled and watched a movie together. I forgot what it was like to not have studying in my schedule and spend time with my family. Back to the manicure and pedicure. I decided to take Drama Queen for her first pedicure. I always thought parents that took there 10 year old little girls to do this are insane. I still kinda think that. I had used it as a incentive for her to grow out her toe nails. The poor child keeps getting ingrown nails. I figured if I could give her something to look forward too, maybe she can stop picking at the damn things. They get so infected, it makes me want to puke. So, she finally let them grow out enough. We both had a great mom and daughter time tonight. Lego Man didn't want to come, so we left him at home to play video games and eat me out of house and home. Well, at least the junk food part. You are probably wondering why the hell I haven't been studying. My family and kids are very important to me and we all needed some family time together. My kids have missed mom time. Drama Queen had her last day of school this last week. She gave me so much grief for missing her last day of school party and awards ceremony. This was the first year I have missed it. I have put my career first, for the first time, ever. I know it will only be for a few more months, but it hurts none the less. I have always been there for every major mile stone with my kids. My kids have always known they can count on me for anything. Lately, it has been there dad stepping in. (Only after I have bitched and complained that he is not working and needs to.....sorry I am very irrated at the lack of quality time he spends with our kids lately). Also, I have pushed my test back to July. I am not completely ready and some unforeseen circumstances at work have kept me from getting all my paperwork submitted. I am just plain swamped at work and I don't know which way is up. Tomorrow it's back to the books. YIPPY SKIPPY! dyzgoneby

Greg & Sher Need our Help

PLEASE HELP US NOW!! WARNING - Bad language ahead! Greg is in Hattiesburg right now. He had his last doctor's appointment with his surgeon, which was supposed to release him to come home and start chemotherapy. When he was in the hospital, an Army warrant officer came and told us that he would be released on medical leave as soon as the doctor released him to come home and that all we needed to do was get Tricare to agree for him to be transferred to a doctor at home for treatment. We did all the paperwork this officer told us to do. We contacted Tricare and worked with the surgeon and his primary care physician in Hattiesburg to do the necessary paperwork for a referral to an oncologist here at home. We researched Tricare approved doctors close to our home and found one that was still openly taking patients and did the paperwork to have all his records transferred to that doctor. Greg is coming home today and we had plans to see the new oncologist in the next two weeks and start chemotherapy as soon as possible. Please click the title to read the rest. dyzgoneby

Sleep and Dreams

Not much is happening around these parts in the last few days. I work, study, sleep and have not touched the sprinklers since some nameless person broke them (whatcha talkin about Willis?) A few nights ago, I was almost asleep when the phone rang. Sniper and I talked for a minute, then he said he would call me back. Twenty minutes go by and I was almost asleep again, when the phone rings. Shook the cobwebs out of my head and we talked for a little while. Sniper's shoulder is doing better everyday. I asked him how much longer he is on light duty? I already knew the answer, but had to ask anyway. He is back at it and running missions again. Another words doing his job and what he needs to be doing. We talked for a few and he had to go, duty calls. That night I couldn't sleep for shit. I tossed, turned and when sleep finally came the nightmare's came back full force. I woke-up drenched in sweat. You know the one's you wake-up and can't decipher it was a dream or real. Way to vivid. I won't get into what I dreamed about, but it wasn't good. Here we go again.... Yesterday, I sat back and tried to think of why my sleep sucked again. Duh..... When Sniper was put on light duty, I knew he would be relatively safe for a little while. Well, as safe as one can be inside the wire with Motars coming in. I seemed to sleep a little more peacefully than I had in awhile. When my head acknowledged he is back to doing his job, my imagination came back to life. I know this is normal and I am not the only one who has these types of dreams. It could be worse, I could actually be dreaming of the shit happening around me. dyzgoneby 5 days smoke free, gaining weight by the minute and dreaming of some crazy shit