The American People

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock...... Time is going way too slow this morning. So, being here at work I decided to scan some of my favorite blogs that I haven't been able to read over the last few months. I came across "The American People" from "One Marine's View." This Ad was placed in the Arizona Republic Newspaper. I honestly had forgot about it and low and behold I came across it this morning. I didn't expect any recognition, I just wanted those to know, I am very grateful and appreciative of the sacrifices they have made. So to Maj Pain a big huge OOHRAH for putting this together. If it wasn't for Men and Woman like you and my Marine, we wouldn't have had this opportunity. To All Our Marines and Service Members....... THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART FOR PROVIDING US WITH THE BLANKET OF FREEDOM! Semper Fi! Dyzgoneby

Rambling

Nothing extremely witty to say, but since I am sitting here bored off my ass at work, I thought I would check in. I guess, I will talk about my favorite man in the whole world.....Who you ask? Sniper silly. He is still adjusting to home life. He finally has a actual place to lay his head down at night that he can call his own (well other than "our" house). Him, Wingman, and Rambo moved into a place together this last weekend. I am looking forward to heading down there tomorrow (It's not coming soon enough). I know life will not be boring in the least sense. It has always been Sniper, Wingman and I when I am down there. Does that mean now Rambo will be hanging with us as well? One female (me) and three Men/Marines in a house. Oh that just may make some great commentary upon my return. I can guarantee I won't be bored. Then again, that means I can't run around the house naked anymore. Damn....that's no fun, but I don't want to scare the shit out of the other two. As for the Marine Corps and where/what he has been doing since he has been home. Zilch. Some of it might be, he hasn't been into work in awhile either. That is a whole other story. But, we are waiting on the outcome of his shoulder to see where his next orders are to. I am crossing my fingers, that it is Recruiting Duty. Not that I really want to see him doing that. The hours and days are hell and I almost would rather have him in Iraq (almost), than to go through the 3 years of shit. I would love for him to stay in San Diego and just have my butt move down there. (But nope, my opinion doesn't count for squat, his decision and he never asked for it. However, he does know how I feel.) San Diego is definitely not in the cards though. I do know where they are talking of sending him if his orders don't come through and even though he keeps telling me not to worry or stress about it, I still do. Let's just say it's not in Cali. And you bet your sweet ass I will be moving with him, IF he ends up anywhere else, but here. His shoulder. After two months of being home, and having injured it back in May, we are still waiting to find out what the hell is going to happen. Last week he had his MRI and the next appointment isn't until October 10th. Damn these people are slow. I would hate to see what would happen if it was more serious. He still can't feel his fingers, but I guess that doesn't matter. Well, I guess they are letting me out of my cage and I can go home....YEAH!!!! dyzgoneby Sniper, A little over 24 hours and you will be in my arms again. I so can't wait.....*BIG SMILES AND GRINS HERE* I can't wait to get you alone......

Trying to understand.....

You ever do something, you never fathomed you could accomplish? Then you end up surpassing your expectations of yourself. That is where I am at tonight. I am so elated and excited that I accomplished this one step. This one step closer to my dream. I have wanted to become a financial broker for so many years and never truly thought it would be anything, but a just a dream. Something I could dream about, wish for, but just out of my reach. I have always put my kids above everything, and that included my dreams and my career. I put them first and my happiness second. I figured, when the kids were older, then, just maybe I could have what I wanted. Then the opportunity arouse earlier this year to actually be able to reach out and touch my dream. I wanted nothing more than to do just that. Sniper and I have discussed this dream of mine and it became "our" dream. "Our" future. It became something I wanted not just for myself, but for my family. For him, for my children, our children. A better future and a better life for all of us. I want a better future for him. I want to give him (and the kids as well) the world. Over the course of the last several months, my dream has consumed me. All the while Sniper was deployed. I started thinking there was no way, I would be able to touch it. His deployment ended up consuming more of my thoughts and my life than what I had anticipated. I couldn't concentrate on anything, but him. His well being. His safety. And now that he is home, I still think and dream about him, about us. Same thoughts still plague me. The only difference is I know he is not in Iraq (for now). I know he is not getting shot at, people our not trying to kill him. He is safe, but it still doesn't change me worrying about him. I still worry about his well being. During all of this, somehow, some way, I still managed to pass my first hurdle towards my dream. "Our" dream. Why am I going on about this? Tonight I sit here and think about how close I am to that dream and the one person I want to share my excitement with and celebrate with is not here. I have talked to him tonight, but it's not the same. Instead I sit here alone, my choice ( kids are with there dad and Sniper is in San Diego). Instead of being overly full of joy, I am full of sadness, loneliness, depressed and can't stop crying. WTF is wrong with me? As usual I am trying to analyze the situation. The only logical explanation I can come up with is, the last 8 months, my life has been consumed with stress, tension, fear and apprehensions. And tonight, that is all gone. Maybe I just needed a stress reliever. I don't know, just trying to make sense of everything. The only thing that makes sense right now is, I wish Sniper was here with me. dyzgoneby

It's the End of The Month and...

My emotions have been on overload over the last several weeks. This damn test has been kicking my ass. That's not including all the bullshit with my emotions I have been putting Sniper through. I know I have drove him insane. One minute I think I can do this, the next minute I know I am going to fail. One minute I am happy, the next I am crying like a baby. The highs and lows are crazy. My stomach probably has a huge hole in it from all the stress. And no Sniper, I promise I am not going to have a heart attack. You will get the next 70 plus years with me. Sniper has been my rock and savior through this all. He knows just what to say. His words of wisdom have helped, a lot. "It's just a test." Sniper is the only one I have been talking to in the last few weeks. I have cut myself off from everyone else, his family included. I miss them all so much. Ooohhhh so very soon, I will have my life back. Now with that being said: I PASSED MY SERIES 7!!!!!!!! YEAH HHOOO!!!!! Can you feel how excited I am? I took the exam today and it was a grueling six hour exam. One I will never, ever have to do again. Ever....I think you get the point. Next week I will start studying for the next one, Series 66. My goal is to have them all done by the first of the year. Then I can be a Sugar mamma. The hardest part about passing the exam, is not having Sniper home to share it with. Yes, I know he is on US Soil, but he is not at home with me. All I want to do is celebrate with him.....soon, very soon. Besides this damn test, life has been harder on the both of us than we realized. The distance has been really getting to the both of us and eating at us. Pre-deployment we could go 4 to 6 weeks. Now, a day seems like to long. The days and nights are so lonely without him. It's depressing. We have grown extremely close over the last few months. Closer than ever before. I don't know what has changed, but I just can't seem to live without him next to me on a daily basis. Friday night I am flying back down to San Diego and am looking forward to spending some much needed time with him. I can't wait to hold him in my arms again!!! Besides, I know we will have to celebrate as well together. Now, I am off to drink myself into oblivion.......well at least until I pass out and I don't think it will take much. I am pretty damn exhausted. dyzgoneby Sniper, thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the encouragement you have provided me. You really have been my rock through the last few weeks. Your words of wisdom truly have been what has gotten me through. I know that is what you are here for, but I put you through stress you didn't need. I am going to promise to try and not give you as much grief with the next one. I will have faith, faith in myself. Thank you again!!!! I lover you with all my heart, body and soul. Your loving wife....

Light Blogging Will Continue, Until The End of The Month

Time is coming closer and I only have a few more weeks until my Exam. Oh Yuck. I so can't wait for this crap to be over. The stress is eating me alive. I am stressed beyond anything else I have ever felt (except when Sniper was in Iraq). I do this to myself. I have always been hard on myself and expect more out of myself than anyone else. Failure is not in my vocabulary and knowing the pass rate is only 53% for first timers, has me realizing I may actually fail at something. Let's just cross our fingers I pass the first time around and don't have to take it a second time. Until this is over, I won't be posting much. I need to study. I have to study. Life around the house is still going through adjustments. A few weeks ago my ex and I changed the schedule with our kids. We decided after many long talks between the two of us and a long talk between Sniper and I, that we would go back to the schedule we had last year. For him to have our son and I, to have our daughter. We would swap every other weekend, with the kids staying together on the weekends. It was a very difficult decision, but for my own sanity and my daughter's sanity, we needed to change the direction everything was heading. My son has decided to go down the path of disrespecting me and his sister, again. Now, when I say disrespecting, I am not just talking in the sense that he just doesn't listen to me, he also hits both of us, the language and names (they are something I would never call my worst enemy) he decides to use towards me are way out of hand. Nothing I have done has curbed it. If anything it has gotten worse over the last few months. I am at the point where I have realized, if something doesn't change in the next few years, he will be bigger and stronger than me and that will put me in a very vunerable position. I am almost to the point of being afraid of him. I also haven't liked the path my daughter has chosen as well. She is starting to pick up on his bad habits of not listening and testing her boundaries with me as well. She has been getting into trouble at school. Not just bad grades, but fighting. I can see she is crying out for some attention, she has lacked over the last six months. For a parent to admit this is hard. For a parent to realize they are not what is in the best interest of their child is gut wrenching. But, I had to do something and having my son live with his father is what he needs. My daughter needs a firm hand and not shoved off to the side. She needs me. It was not been an easy decision and has hurt me to the core. I hope one day my kids see that this was in their best interest. Sniper, after 7 weeks of him being home, and I are still adjusting. We are taking one day at a time. We are now living miles apart and it has been harder than we both realized. The days are more depressing than I assumed would be, for the both of us. The only thing getting us through, we both know where our hearts lie and know that in the grand scheme of life, this will just too will pass in a blink of an eye. I just wish it would hurry up. I am hoping to see him in the next 2-3 weeks (after the exam). Something else that is helping to keep my mind a little occupied off of the distance and loneliness, is our next trip to Vegas in November. Today I booked our hotel room. I can't tell you where because it is a surprise and he reads my blog. Let's just say, where I have planned, it will be wonderful. It will be a weekend we both will remember and cherish. I may not even get him out of the room the whole time (wink wink). Nah, I gotta take him out in his Blues around town and me in a little sexy dress. There is nothing better than a Marine in his Blues....YUMMY!!! So that is where my life is....... I have lots of stories, but they will have to wait a little bit more, I promise. Until then....... dyzgoneby Sniper, soon, oh so soon, I will be in your arms again and my arms wrapped around you. I love you forever and a day.

Remembering David Grimner

David Grimner, 51, of Merick, New York, perished in the World Trade Center, September 11, 2001. He graduated from Pace University in 1985. He was a husband to Judy, father to three sons, Brian, Michael and David Jr., and a friend to many. Diamonds Just For Her David Grimner was always quick to get a laugh, or at least try. "You could be in any mood whatsoever, and he'd just tell a joke and you'd be automatically better," said his son David Patrick Grimner, 17. "Sometimes it wouldn't even be funny, but you'd laugh just because of the way he laughed at it." Mr. Grimner, 51 and a vice president at Marsh & McLennan, had studied to be a priest and remained religious throughout his life. A member of his parish's council and a eucharistic minister, he never missed a Sunday Mass at Curé of Ars Church in Merrick, N.Y. He knew it was hard on his wife, Judith Ann, when she returned to graduate school in 1998 to earn a master's degree in education. "You've got to stop putting this much pressure on yourself," he said. She responded, "But you always told me to do my best." In May 2000, after Mrs. Grimner graduated, her husband took her out for a candlelight dinner and gave her a gift. "He had been saving for these brand-new golf clubs that he really wanted," she said. "Instead of buying them, he bought me a diamond bracelet." Marsh & McLeannan Tribute Even though I personally never had the opportunity to meet David Grimner or any of his family, it has been an honor to get to know him. I will never forget. To his wife, sons and family, each of you are in my thoughts and prayers. Dale, thank you for giving me/us an opportunity to show the world, WE WILL NEVER FORGET. Those lives lost that day are more than just a number or statistic, they were human beings who left behind families, loved ones and friends. dyzgoneby

The Answer Everyone is Waiting For

Maybe I should let you in on "What Happened in Vegas." We both had talked about getting married this last weekend while down in Vegas. We are both already married in our hearts. We always have been, we are just ready for it to be legal. Before we left, we both talked to Sniper's mom, my mom and Bubba. We made the three of them a promise, "We won't get married without our families there." Family is too important to the both of us and this is one marriage we both want all our family there, our children, our fiends and his brothers from another mother. We both want everyone to share it with us. My mom told us, "Sniper is the only one who ever counted. He is the only one who has ever been meant for you. Please don't do it without me there. I have to be there. It would crush me." On Sunday, we went around and had some fun. This is what we did. This was the closest we got. We never went inside. We both made promises that will not be broken. So, to answer everyone's question, NO WE ARE NOT MARRIED, only in our HEARTS!!! It took all the strength we both had not to go inside, but we both gave our word of honor. Throughout the weekend, the phone calls did come in from friends "Are you Married yet?" On the way home both are families called to ask. My mom told us that she was disappointed. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!!! We were ready to turn around. Everyone placed bets that we would and they all lost. When we do get married, it will be huge. We both want that big wedding. We both have to have our families there. Until then we are married only in our hearts and mind. So, thank you to everyone on the congrats, best wishes and sorry to keep ya'll in suspense. dyzgoneby Sniper, as hard as this last week has been on the both of us, you are my husband and I am your wife. Soon oh so very soon. There is always Vegas in November. Keep us away from the chapel's because this time I won't be able to hold back again, I just don't have that kind of strenght in me. I don't want to go another day without you by my side as my hubby even though in our hearts we are already there. I love you forever and a day.

Our Last Week Together

I am home. As home as one can be without the other half of there heart with them. We had a very memorable week, last week together. It was one of the best weeks of our lives. We shared a lot together, we laughed together, we were silly together, we talked for hours on end together, dreamed together and had so much fun together. We spent the first few days in Fallbrook. I won't go in to details as to why, but we spent the first two days there in a hotel. Yep, it was good. I was able to meet some of his Marines that are now home. His whole Unit is finally back stateside, WELCOME HOME MARINES...JOB WELL DONE. Friday we both got a bug up our arses and decided to head out of town. Mind you we had already drove two days prior over 600 miles down to Southern Cali. On the way out of town we stopped at a friends house, The Hammer. He served the first tour with Sniper in Iraq and there paths crossed again the first few months of this last deployment. I hadn't seen The Hammer since his deployment party last August. Traffic to our destination was ugly and we ended up staying the night. It was wonderful to spend the evening amongst good friends and watch to brother's connect. Saturday at 0700 we headed out to our Destination.....LAS VEGAS BABY!!!!! I had never been to Vegas before and Sniper wanted to share the experience with me my first time. The 4 1/2 hour car ride went by fast. Lots of good conversation. I won't go into to many details because we all know what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.....But, we had the most exhilarating time. Saturday we spent part of the evening with Sniper's ex-wife, her hubby and her family. It was nice to finally meet the woman I have been talking to through Sniper's whole deployment and since. Thank you Heather..... We went down to Freemont St and we were able to catch the light show. Wow!!! From there we head over to a casino and then out for some more fun. Remember what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas and that includes some of the destinations as well. We didn't make it back until 0500. Sunday, Sniper showed me so many sites. We walked 3/4 of the strip and back. I thought I would have been tired, but just the rush, taking in all the sights, scenes and being with Sniper kept me on a natural high the whole time. That night we went to Gilley's for dinner and came back later for some dancing. It had been 15 years since the last time we danced. Sniper, the first dance after so long felt so right. We belong right there. We didn't end up back at our suite until 0415. Monday, we rolled out of town towards Temecula at 0730. Do you see where this is going......We didn't sleep, but a total of 6 hours the whole weekend. We played "Rock Stars." And yes, I can keep up with a Marine. OH YEAH!!!! I gave him a run for his money. And now I am feeling very old and tired. Unfortunately the closer we came to saying good-bye the harder it was becoming apparent. The last few hours together, was getting harder by the minute. Neither of us was ready to say good-bye or see ya soon. When Sniper dropped me off at the airport yesterday, I never shed a tear, but the hole in my cheek is still killing me. I walked into our house last night and I didn't want to be here. It felt wrong to be home without him. I walked up the stairs to our room and it felt so empty. I sat down for a few on my chair. I couldn't sit on our bed. A few minutes later I was on the phone with Sniper. We realized we had been together for most of the last 6 weeks and the last 3 we haven't been apart. I was telling him I couldn't sleep in our bed without him. It felt wrong. He said something that gave me a warm fuzzy feeling all inside...."Dyz, I may not be there right now, but I will always be in your heart and you will always be in mine." And now back to reality.......OH SHIT.....Make these next few months go by fast, very fast. I will leave you with some pics of our trip and one in paticular in Vegas. I will let you decide what happened in Vegas. dyzgoneby Sniper, I miss you more than words can ever express. My love for you has grown stronger by the minute and you will always be in my heart. For better or worse.....I will stand Proudly beside you.