Boots on the Ground

Sniper is finally doing what he does best, taking care of shit and gettin' it done. He is now in Iraq and the countdown begins. One day down.....too many to go. I will have to think of a way to counting down to homecoming or how long he has been gone. I am thinking of counting it by weeks instead of days. Less that way. I haven't heard from him since last Thursday. Luckily the internet is a great source of info and I know he is there now. And he thought me being on the computer was senseless. I have found other family members whose sons are in his unit and even corresponded with them. Nope, not from the KV (I'm not privy to that information. Remember, I'm just a girlfriend. It doesn't matter that I have loved him for 15 years in the eyes of the Marine Corps. But it counts to us). I have found a great support website and have connected with other families in his unit. I love it. Finally a place where other's have been there or are there with me. My family doesn't get the internet thing as well. They keep telling me to get off the computer everytime they call. You are way to attached to that damn thing. Well when you have someone you love over there, then you can tell me what to do. In the mean time (I love you mom) leave me the hell alone and let me spend hours on end (at least when I am home) on the computer. Nope, kids are taken care of. I throw them a bone and some water once in awhile. There not killing each other. Things are good. Seriously, my kids love to hear all the info and search the sites with me. Then they kick me off to play there damn video games. Damn kids. Nope I love the internet. I am addicted and will stay that way for a very long time. Or until he comes home and kicks my ass of this frickin computer...or at least tries to. I am holding up great. I have written several letters, sent two motomail letters and am mailing out 5 boxes in the morning to him. I hope he loves it all. I am going broke for care packages.... I love you Sniper! dyzgoneby

Update on Lego Man, One too Many

Two and a half weeks later and he's still throwing up. It isn't his meds. He has some type of bacterial infection and they are not sure what it is. Jedi took Lego Man to his doctor's yesterday. His hemoglobin is high and the H. Palryi is a little high. They gave him a referral to a "stomach" doctor is what I was told. Also, to give him Pepto to help his tummy. Ummm that doesn't sound right, but I will follow the docs orders. Jedi doesn't give me great details and doesn't ask the right questions. This is why I always take him. With all the work I missed I begged his dad to step in and help. Jedi called me when I was down in San Diego to ask why I hadn't made the doctor's appt. I didn't call him until I got back and he chewed my ass out for not calling the doctor or him. Ummm......Why the hell can't you or even your wife? He is your son too! This man can't even make his own, his wife does this. I am a little frustrated with his dad right now. I have been the one taking caring of everything on each front and I am being pulled in too many directions right now. We should hear from the doc beginning of next week. I will probably be taking more time off work next week. Luckily with the new job coming up, I don't give a rip about taking so much time off. As of the 1st of this year I had a total of 3 weeks vacation and 2 weeks sick leave. At the rate I am going I will use it all up before I start this new job and that's just fine with me. I was just hoping to get an extra check with what I don't use, they will pay you out for anything unused. Once I start working the new job, I will not be able to take anytime off for awhile. I can at least play mom for a little while longer. dyzgoneby

First Call From Sniper, Well Actually Second

I have been so exhausted, but sleep just wouldn't come. Last night I finally fell asleep at around 2230. I woke up with my home phone ringing. I flew out of bed and answered it. It was Sniper. It took me a minute before it kicked in who I was talking to. I think the first few minutes I was still asleep. He wanted to know why I didn't answer my cell phone. It rang? I heard nothing and it is basically under my ear. I am so glad he called the home phone (my home phone never rings. I can count on one hand how many people have that number). We talked for a few minutes. He is doing good. I have been dying to hear from him, but knew I would be the last to hear from him. His son, Bubba, had knee surgery yesterday (Bubba is doing well, surgery went great. Bubba even called me late last night to check-in). I knew those calls would probably the only calls he makes for awhile. Nope, he was a little bored and started calling everyone. Yeah. One of the big reasons, I wanted to talk to him.......I got a new JOB!!! Sniper has been real worried because we haven't heard much for the last few weeks. I knew that it was mine, but until they actually made the offer he wasn't feeling to great about it. One of the positives is I will be very very busy for the next six months at least. I won't have time to think about anything other than this job. It was real important to Sniper that this happens. Besides the money and the possibilites are endless for our future. He was very happy when I told him. He is worried about me staying busy. He also wanted to know how I am holding up.....well.....I am doing OK. Some of it has sunk in that he is in the Sandbox. The other half of me is still thinking I will see him in a few weeks. The first item on my list from him, is to get an alarm on the house. Not just any alarm, but all the access points (every door and all windows upstairs and downstairs) and garage. Sniper has been worried since the day him and Wingman came into my house without me knowing it (I have been very good about making sure the house is secure). I checked out one company and good God it was so f*ckin expensive. $1325 just to install. The monthly fee is nothing much, but when they told me how much the install would be I thought I was going to pass out. I relayed the info to Sniper and his reply "OK, get a few other estimates." He knew it would be expensive. I won't be in this house, but maybe a 1 1/2 years. This just seems a little much. I will do whatever makes him feel more secure, but damn I can think of other things I would rather spend money on then that. dyzgoneby

Sniper's Last Leg of his Deployment

On are way to the base, we pick up another Marine. We roll onto base at 0430. Sniper was worried that very few of his Marine's would show up on time. We pulled up and there was only a few missing. Good, but not good. They were all supposed to be on deck at 0430. I saw Sniper's Marine side within the first 15 minutes. He was cool, calm and collected for 15 minutes and then the Marine in charge kicked in. One of the Marine's not on deck, he called to find out where he was at. Being so early in the morning, it was very quiet until that phone call. I won't discuss the conversation, but boy does that boy kick ass. Apparently the Marine was still asleep in the barracks. I don't want to be him when he shows up. I learned alot of new things this trip and this morning was no different (being new to this side of the Marine Corps). I didn't realize that Sniper was hand picked by the Colonel to lead (SNCOIC, Staff Non-Commissioned Officer In Charge) this deployment. He is the only Staff Sgt going with 5 new Sgt's. He was hand picked to train his new Lt (3 months in) and Sniper is in charge of all these Marines. Not one of the other Marine's have been deployed. For some reason this bother's me. However, I am very proud of him. Sniper starts kicking everything into gear. He was told the Colonel is going to be out here this morning and everything needs to be perfect. He sets up the scales to start weighing everyone with there gear. Remember they have to under 400lbs. They need to weigh in and state your name, seabags set in one spot, packs in another. Sounds simple to me, but the Marines took a little while to figure this one out, including stating there name. I am now seeing "Marine" Sniper and so far for me, he is not doing anything I wouldn't expect from him. I have to admit, I had to hide behind the truck to laugh. It was pretty funny, when they couldn't even follow simple directions like stating there name, but I didn't laugh in front of them. Sniper grabs a scale and takes it around the back of his truck. He's worried he is over. Nope, 390lbs. Just barely made it. That's okay. 0555 Sniper is in definite need of coffee. We had out to Starbucks on base. (God, I love that man. He didn't care where the coffee came from, but knew I liked my foofoo coffee.) As were driving, he turns around and again for the upteenth time asks if I am okay dealing with the Marine side of him. I hugged him and told him, you and Wingman already told me "Marine" Sniper is a d*ck. Yep, you are, but I also know the man who you are (I put my hand over his heart) and I love that man inside. As a Marine, you have a job to do and you are doing that. I feel much better having you share this side of you, also. Besides I don't think your that big of a d*ck with them, yet. Sniper said, you haven't seen nothing yet. Wait until the bus leaves and they are all mine for the next year. I will do everything in my power to bring each and everyone home with me. They may not like me, but they will all be coming home. 0615, we come back and sure enough the last Marine missing (the one who was still sleeping) was there. (I was waiting for him to absolutely lose it with him. Nope, he said that he will pay when they get to the place where they fly out. He along with the rest of them will have to build the palates, then break them down and rebuild them over and over again. He will make them sweat for this.) From here it starts getting pretty hectic. Sniper's family shows up. Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt and 2 cousins. I have never met them until now and we sat and chatted the whole time. They know all about me already. About 0700 the Colonel shows up, the truck to take the gear and the buses. (I know it's getting closer) They start to load up the truck with gear. By now, I haven't really talked to Sniper in awhile, just watching him in action. I am getting very anxious and nervous at the same time. All of a sudden the start of "Colors". I was in absolute pride as I watched this. The Col came over to his family and I to talk to us. I have never really been around active Military, but to have the Col talk to us, made me even more proud of Sniper. He walked up and starting talking to Sniper's Grandfather (Retired Marine Capt). The Colonel thanked the Capt for his service and they chatted for awhile. Then he turned to me, placed his arm around me (half hug) and said he is very proud of Sniper and that he is a damn good Marine. Sniper had told him we are getting married. He kept praising Sniper and all that he has accomplished. I was very moved by this. He gave me another half hug and said if I need anything, let them know. I was very moved and humbled. I told him Thank you. Then the SgtMaj came over and started talking to us. Again, first address the Capt then the rest of his family. The SgtMaj turned to me and said "You must be his finance." Ummmm....yes! (I know it's not official, but damn that felt good. He talks about me non-stop. I knew he said he talks about me all the time, but to actually know he talks to his higher ups about me, gives me great pride). He also said a lot of the same things the Colonel said. He also said he knows that with the 100 Marines under Sniper, he will do well with them. Again, if there is anything I need, just ask and then walked away. I was able to talk to Sniper a few minutes after this and let him know what transpired. I then told him the Col gave me a hug. His reply, "Where's my rifle and where is the Col." He was laughing the whole time he said this. Then they loaded up the busses. We hadn't had our good-bye kisses yet and I was getting worried that this wasn't going to happen. I needed my kiss. I kept staring and waiting. I hadn't shed a tear yet. I had promised him, but it was getting hard. I had a huge hole in my check, but no tears. I promised. Then he jumps down and says get your camera ready. By the time I turned around and realized what he wanted. I missed it. I said do it again, and this is what I got: Him and his grandfather saluting each other. You cant see Sniper saluting, but he is. I was so moved by this as well as everyone else around us. Then he stated, alright guys this is it. Who is getting kisses? (I was already told grandma gets the last kiss. She got the last one last time and that's his good luck charm).I looked around and told everyone, "I'll be damned, but I get the 2nd to last kiss and they better hurry up. I'm right before Grandma." Everyone else kissed him. Then he turned to me and I got a big hug and my kiss. Then Grandma got a hug and a big Kiss. Then he loaded up on the bus. I stood next to his Grandma and his cousin behind me. Each of us holding on for dear life. The tears were leaking a little, but his cousin was crying. I told her over and over to "F*ckin Suck-It-Up! I promised and I am not breaking this promise." I was laughing and smiling the whole time (along with small tears streaming down my face). He and I kept mouthing I love you, making the I Love you sign in sign language and blew a few kisses. The bus rolled out. (See you Next Year My Love)! His cousin and I turned to each other. Then I lost it. We both cried hard. Wingman comes over and says lets roll. Being a Man, he doesn't do to well with emotions. Wingman and I load up into Sniper's truck and I am crying pretty hard. The phone rings and he says "Yep, his gone. No she's not doing well. See you in a few." Wingman knew what I needed. He brought me to Red. (Red is a Navy Corpsman, stationed at the Naval Hospital at Camp Pendleton). I walked into her office and lost it some more. She just held onto me and let my tears flow. She understands. (Her and Wingman are going thru a divorce and they both have been deployed before) We leave and Wingman takes me to my mom at the hotel. (My mom didn't end up coming to see Sniper off. Things got down to the wire and we were afraid that Wingman wouldn't be there). We loaded up the car and left. Sniper: I Love You With All My Heart. See you at Homecoming My Love!!! dyzgoneby Sniper's Deployment Part 1 Sniper's Deployment Part 2

Sniper's Deployment Part 2

Tuesday at 0530 mom and I roll out of town towards Camp Pendleton. I really enjoyed this time with my mom. For many year's we haven't done anything like this unless it included my dad and kids. For awhile we were stopping about hour and a half for potty breaks. I need coffee to function and had almost a pot before we left and a few more on the way. I was starting to get a little upset with having to stop. We took lots of pics of her and I along the way. We arrived in Southern Cali about 1315 (1:15pm). We made pretty good time. Sniper was still out running last minute errands for his deployment. Wingman and I checked my mom into her hotel room and left. This was my mom's choice. She wanted a nap and to scrapbook the afternoon away until dinner with all of us. Wingman and I had over to the local bar. Sniper and Wingman are regulars here. Remember the show "Cheers." This bar is just like that with the exception of it's mostly a Marine Corps Bar. Current and lots of Vets, including some from WWII. I have been with them before and it is a great place. We ordered a drink and a Retired MGySgt bought the round. He knew who we both are. Sniper is one of his favorite's. We ended up drinking a few and played some pool. Yep, I was already feeling the effects of the alcohol. 1700 (5:00pm) Sniper called and was on his way back to Wingman's house. It was so good to see him. We when walked in the house it looked like a bomb off. Gear strung from oneside to the other. Sniper left, Wingman right I didn't think one man could own so much. Yep, he hadn't packed anything yet. I knew we would be in for a very long night. We started separating his gear into piles. Storage, going with me and going with him. We kept up the pace for a few hours and then it was time to call mom for dinner. Sniper, Wingman and I picked up my mom and went out to dinner. We had a very nice time. With the exception of Sniper's phone ringing every 15 minutes. Damn I hate that thing. It's not like he couldn't not answer it, it was always one of his Marines. During dinner my phone rang and I answered it. Now, I normally wouldn't do this considering my two of my important family members were sitting with me, but something told me to answer it. It was Sniper's mom. She was at home and having a hard time. She gave me her "orders" as to what she wanted me to do. Remember to take lots of pictures. Give him lots of kisses and tell him I love him. Now, for his mom to call, I thought we both would fall over. This is something very new to the both of us. Sniper became worried, but I told him she was fine. We hung up. During the time I was on the phone, Sniper told my mom, when he comes back he is going to marry me. Damn, I missed that conversation. After dinner, we dropped my mom off. Stopped by another friends house, Red, to say goodbye. She has been a great friend to all of us. We told each other we would keep in touch. I will be back down in a few weeks (I have to pick up Sniper's truck). Decided to head back to the bar, for a last drink. We ended up staying there for a few hours (still have to finish packing). The MGySgt was still there, and bought us a few more rounds. They shared more stories with me. Also, MGySgt has Sniper's sword and they will use it next year for the birthday ball cake in his honor. (I will have to come back for this). Arrived at Wingman's house about 2200 to finish packing. It took up until the last minute to have it accomplished. Damn that man takes a lot of gear with him. 5 boxes were left behind to ship to him of just his personal stuff. The gear he took, was lots of extras in case any of his men doesn't have it and just in case gear. We started to get worried that all his gear wasn't going to go with him. They have a 400lb weight limit and that includes Sniper as well. He had to be on deck at 0430. (We went the whole night with no sleep. Now I maybe a rookie, and them's professionals, but I kept up with them.) 0300, I got in the shower to get cleaned up and pretty for him (I wanted him to remember me looking cute and not...... well, shitty looking). The 3 of us rotated through showers. Up to this point, I held up real well. No crying, no being emotional. I could see him already distancing himself as a man into the Marine mood. The little touches from him weren't there. I was ok with it. He was leaving and I knew this was hard for him. I stood by his side, letting him know I was there for him and that's all that count. He asked me one more time if I was up to seeing the "Marine" side of him. Yep!!!! I know the man you are inside and that's all that counts. 0400 and pulled the last of the stuff out of the dryer and threw it into his seabag. Loaded up and off we went. Read "Sniper's Last Leg of his Deployment" to hear (read) the end. dyzgoneby Go here to read Sniper's Deployment Part 1 to hear the beginning.

Sniper's Deployment Part 1

This last Saturday evening I received a call from Sniper. Sniper - Honey, I have 2 questions to ask you and please let me finish and don't say a word (I swear I don't interrupt or have a big mouth. Oh yah, I really don't talk that much, hehehe). Wingman (I'm on speaker phone) - Don't worry he's not asking you to marry him. Me - I sure in the hell hope not on the phone. Sniper - Maybe on the phone from Iraq. (We all laugh. I might let him get away with that one) Well, my mom can't make it to my deployment and I would like you to come. Only if you want to.....I know you are probably already on the computer and looking up plane tickets. (I am laughing my ass off. He knows me all to well. Before he even finished asking the question, I knew what was coming and yes I already was on Southwest looking up the tickets). Me - Ummmm, Hell yes!!!! I will be there!!! The tickets are too much being so close. I will drive have to down. (This is about an 8 hour drive for me) His rules to me.... Sniper - You are going to meet the Marine side of me. I know I have kept that face from you. He's a d*ck. Wingman - yah he's a d*ck. Him and I don't get along. The Marine side has fired me way to many times to count. In his 1st care package, send him a metal coffee cup, those hurt worse when you get hit by them. (These two together are absolutely hilarious. And the stories they have told me keep me laughing my ass off) Sniper - You will meet him and please know I still love you. If I say something and it my be funny, not intentional, to my Marines, please turn around and then laugh. Just don't laugh at them. When I say it's time to go, I go. No trying to get me to linger around. I have a job to do. Me- Yes, sir. (he loves when I do that) Sniper - Secondly, please try and not be so emotional. I know you will have some tears (I wish everyone would stop saying I am an emotional one. I honestly try, but damn it this last few months I can't control it. I really try, but it doesn't work), but please try and suck-it-up. Me - Yes Sir. (I will try, no guarantees, but I will try) After I hung up, I called my mom and told her I was leaving around 0430 on Tuesday and will be home sometime on Thursday. She was real excited for me. We had already said our "See yah next year" and I was so excited just to be able to hold him one more time. Sunday, my mom calls back. The main point of that conversation was my parent's don't want me to drive home by myself. They don't mind the drive their, just not home. She tells me I am a very emotional person (again those damn emotions keep getting in my way) and they don't think it is a good idea for me to make that long drive home. Besides I know you two will probably pull an all nighter and we don't want to have to worry about you. I gave in and my mom will drive with me. With the understanding she will be staying in a hotel room his last night. And not in the same room with us. She was excited because she wants to scrapbook the whole time. Ok, whatever floats your boat (this is also my biggest habit/hobby). Monday, I run around like a chicken with my head cutoff. I took Lego Man to all his doctor's appointments and spent 4 hours at work. (Now, I will miss another 3 more days off. I think I will just give up and take the whole month of January off with the way things are going). I wanted to finish a small 3x3 scrapbook for Sniper to take on the plane with him of his whole family. I spent the whole evening running from place to place taking pictures. I ran over to his parent's house and got a few shots of there house, the inside, them and then the outside of my house. That way he will remember what home actually looks like. his parent's house my house I came home printed all my pictures and put them into the book, did laundry, packed and played on the computer for a few hours. I'm addicted to this damn thing and needed my last "fix" before I left. Sniper calls at 2215 on Monday night Sniper - What are you doing? Me - Playing on the computer...as usually. Sniper - You need to get some sleep for your drive. (ok, if I should have been sleeping, what the hell are you doing calling me) You have a long drive and need sleep. You can't keep up with me. Me - I'm learning from the best. I have to keep up with you all. (This body is getting to old to play this game. I am trying though) Sniper - You're a rookie and I'm a trained professional. Go to bed. (ok, but I don't take orders well) 10 minutes later Sniper - What are you doing? Me - Typing something out on my blog. Sniper - Go To Bed!!! Oh ya, stop drinking! You have to drive in the morning. Good night.....(Damn, if Marines aren't bossy. I don't take orders well.) Read "Sniper's Deployment Part 2" to hear (read) what happened from my leaving my house to my return home. dyzgoneby

Sick Kid Part 3, 4, 5....I Give Up!!!!

Lego Man has now been sick for almost 2 weeks. He keeps urping (burp with throwing up). Last week I finally took him into to have some blood tests run.....I love this kid. He is so good when it comes to taking blood tests. He just holds out his arm and sits there, thinking this is cool. Now Jedi, his dad, goes with him or when he has his own blood test, he has to have Lego Man hold his hand, so he doesn't pass out, Jedi that is. My son is more of a man when it comes to this, then his dad. Lego man thinks this is hilarious....sidetracked here.....They doctor's were unsure of what could be causing this. My son is Bi-Polar. Docs are still also thinking he has Asperger's (mild form of Autism). Let's just say my house is never boring, full of life with him and very chaiotic. He has been on medication for the last 8 years. Two years ago, one of the med's he was one, started to cause some liver damage (not good). Needless to say we changed his med's. Fast forward. The doc's thought that again his med's might be causing him to be sick or a bacterial infection in his stomach. The tests came in today and it is definately not his med's. Yeah!!!!! That really is a good thing. What is it? Doc's not sure. His Hemogloban is high, the bacterial infection (H polari) is high and we now are awaiting for the doc to call us back. My son has lost 5 pounds in the last few weeks and this is also not good. He was already under weight before this even starts. Hopefully, we will here something soon. I feel really bad for him. I was a bad mom today and made him go back to school. He has only been to school, since winter break, for 2 1/2 days. He has missed so much. Not considering mom has only worked 3 1/2 days since before New Year's. Today, I will only work a 1/2 day again. God, I love my children, but life needs to get back on track. I sure hope this isn't what I have to look forward to this year. Along those lines, I am leaving town for the next few days, something came up. I hopefully will be back to work by Friday. I hope. That mean's I won't be around a computer at all. I am going to go into major withdrawals. I don't know how I can live without my computer. Way too addictted. Expect a great (rollercoaster ride) post on the rest of what is going on with my little ol' world hopefully by this Friday. Until then, take care. dyzgoneby

Bye, Bye Code Pink at Walter Reed

Code Pink is now gone (at least for awhile) at the four corner's of Walter Reed. I came across a story over at Andi's World and the full story at The Redhunter thru The Mudville Gazette. Yeah, one small victory for our Military folks. dyzgoneby

What a Klutz!

Who me? Yep! Since we moved into our 2 story house, I don't know how many countless times I have fallen down the stairs. It never fails, I am always carrying something to drink in my hand when this happens. The shit goes flying everywhere. Oh yeah, the kids are usually close by and watch this happen. Being addicted to this damn computer, I still am staying up too late. Last night was no different. This morning I drag my tired ass out of bed. Need coffee. Need coffee. Walk to the stairs and hit the first step. Shit!!! My feet go flying out from under me, bottle of Smirnoff in one hand (left over from last night). I go flying down those damn stairs again. Smirnoff all over the walls, carpet and me. I am too tired for this shit!!! I fell down a half of flight of stairs. My ass hurts and I stubbed my toe. I hit my tail bone right on the edge of a stair. As I sit at the bottom of the landing (this is where I ended up) I start laughing. What a Klutz!!!! As I sit here my ass still hurts several hours later. I can already see a big bruise, on my butt. Great. I will tell you I am not the only one who has fell down those damn things. The stairs are short, steep and slippery. If you don't pay attention, your feet go out from under you. The middle landing is covered with stains from my coffee being spelt countless times. I guess that means this weekend I will have to clean my carpets, again. Not like I don't have 101 different things to do or anything. I was hoping to be lazy and do what I do best, cruise the internet.....I guess that will have to wait. dyzgoneby

The Calm before the Storm

This last week I have been pretty mello. I am finally back to work. It was so hard to get up this morning and go in. With being home the last few weeks, I have been into the routine of going to bed around 0300. I try and sleep, but I don't like to lay there and think of what's coming. I can't keep the demons away (dreams). What am I doing until 0300? Surfing the internet. I think I'm addicted. I think, no I know, I have been just wanting to hide from the inevitable. Since Sniper left (returned to base), I haven't wanted to leave my nice safe home or even my room for that matter. I keep thinking I am living in a dream and I am going to wake-up and he won't be leaving. But, that's not reality. Reality is I have to continue to live life. I have to work. I have a family to take care. Life still continue's on. Just as it always will. And reality is, he is leaving, very very soon. I have finally accepted this. I haven't really been sad, angry, depressed (maybe just a little) or even happy. Just Calm, mello. I see the storm coming and it's going to be a nasty, wild one. I won't do what I would do normally when the storm's hit, hide under my bed. (Yes, I am a big wuss when it comes to thunderstorms) I will whether this one, however long it takes until the very end. Buckle up, it's going to be wild around here very soon. dyzgoneby Update: Family life, Lego Man is feeling better, Drama Queen hasn't got sick (knock on wood) yet, and I am pretty much healthy. Hopefully, this will be the end of our sickness' for the year. This season it's been twice. I really hope we are all done with this shit.

You won't see this in the morning papers

I was scanning my usual blogs this morning at came across "Saving Private Ali" over at Blackfive. It's something you won't find anywhere else, but in through the Milblogs. HatTip: Frankie dyzgoneby

Sniper and My History

I have thought a lot about this and decided to let you all in on "our" history. It is somewhat of a fairytale. Sit back, grab a drink (or two) and relax. It's a long one. Just please don't pass to much judgment on me. We met at a dance club. One look from him and I knew I was a goner. I had just turned 20 and he was 19. I didn't give him my number that night. I made him search me out at my work if he was interested. Well, he was and brought me flowers (a rose, if I remember correctly). I fell deeply in love from him not to much longer after that. At the time he had a 8 month old baby Boy "Bubba."We had a wonderful relationship. We never had any arguments. Just one very heated discussion on politics. Sniper and I dated for almost a year before he left for boot camp (this was back in '91-'92). We enjoyed some very memorable trips in that year. He left a few days before my 21st birthday for boot (beginning of February 1992). A little background. His mother didn't care for me much. She felt I was taking too much time away from him and Bubba. We took bubba a lot of places with us, but she felt that wasn't good enough. She knew his was leaving for boot camp soon and need to spend more time with his son. As I look back now, as a mother, she was probably right. While he was in boot camp I wrote him every day, 2-3 page letters. I missed the hell out of him. Well, being in a small town, with the rumors flying, I heard through the grapevine, his ex-girlfriend had moved into the house, who was going to his graduation and they were getting married when he graduated. At the time, I couldn't substantiate this. Being young and naive I believed this. I met up with his best friend one night and cheated on him. At the same time Sniper had snuck to a phone and new something was wrong and had to call me. When the phone rang, I was in bed with his best friend. I didn't lie about it. I had just destroyed Sniper. I am still so sorry. I wasn't going to his graduation. Sidenote...the ex-girlfriend went to graduation in my place. When he came home he looked me up. I couldn't get over the fact what I had done to Sniper and started dating Jedi. Sniper wanted to work it out. What I didn't know is Sniper had bought my wedding ring and was going to propose (it now resides at the bottom of a lake), even after everything through boot camp. Next year (1993), I got pregnant with Lego Man by Jedi. We, Jedi and I decided to get married. Why did I get married? Just because I was pregnant. I didn't love Jedi. I still loved Sniper. They day I got married, I kept hoping my Marine in shining Dress Blues would stop the wedding. What I didn't know was that he came home that weekend and was going to do just that. I married Jedi that day. After I got pregnant with Drama Queen (August of 1995), Sniper came home for the weekend, I was 4 months pregnant. He looked me up and I met up with him. We spent a very memorable day together. I knew in my heart I loved that man. He went back home to his wife. Yup, he was married also. September 11th 1995, on my 2nd wedding anniversary, I told Jedi I wanted a divorce. I moved out a few weeks later. Sniper and I kept in contact for awhile. 1996 I met my second husband. We were married in 1998. That was short lived. He wasn't to keen on my son. He pushed my son down the stairs and I punched him. I moved out. 1999 I met my next boyfriend, the Mammas Boy. Later that year, Sniper came back around. He always kept coming back. Everytime he came home, he would look up my parents. My parents loved him, but my mom finally told him "you need to move on and let her go." I am sooo glad he never gave-up on me. He tried to track me down one day while I was at work. I will never forget that day. I had finally found love again in my heart and here was Sniper again. I was scared and finally had tried to move on. I never did meet up with him. I was a complete wuss. January of 2002 Sniper and I got back in contact again. I called him. I could never let him out of my head or heart. I still loved him. I would cry just because I missed him so much and wanted him back in my life. We talked for a few weeks. He invited me to go Vegas to meet up with him. Again, I was scared. I have 2 kids and Jedi lives here. I didn't want to take the kids away from their dad and I was afraid I would have to make that choice. I knew Sniper was in the Marine Corps until retirement. I didn't want him to feel like he had to choose between me and the Corps. I took that choice away from him. (Sniper, I'm sorry if you read this, because this is something you never knew) That same weekend Jackass invited me to Reno with him and I went. I never called Sniper back. (I am truly sorry honey, I didn't mean to hurt you. I know I have done enough of that over the years. I think about all the time that we have missed out on because of me). Jackass and I moved in together a few months later. You can read the post on my life with Jackass here. In August of 2004 I had a a very vivid dream. I dreamed Sniper was in the Sandbox and something wasn't right. He kept telling me he loved me and it would be okay. After that night I knew I had to get in contact with Sniper. I knew something was terribly wrong. I loved him and didn't care what it cost me, I had to have him in my life. I tried for several months to get in touch with him, but to no avail, I didn't. June of 2005, Sniper came home for his son's 8th Grade graduation. He called me. He had decided this was the very last time he was going to try. He never knew I was trying to get a hold of him for the last year. We talked for a few hours on the phone and decided to meet the next day for coffee. I was still living with the Jackass and completely miserable. I knew that this time I wouldn't chicken out. I had decided awhile ago that the next time we came in contact it would be forever. I had a conversation with Jedi a few months prior to this and told him my fears with Sniper. I was afraid of the Marine Corps Life. I was afraid of having to move the kids. However, I loved Sniper with all my heart and wanted him in my life. Jedi knew this. He told me, "He won't be in the Corps forever. Don't be such a dip shit and follow your heart." That night we went out to the movies with Bubba (now 15) , Bubba's girlfriend and his Nephew. It had been 10 years since we had physically seen each other. I felt like a high school girl going out on her first date. I was so nervous before he picked me up. I changed my clothes countless times. I went home that night and knew my life had to change. I had already been waiting for the summer to move. (I didn't want to uproot Drama Queen from school. I would rather her change during the summer.) I told the Jackass I was moving. I moved out 6 weeks later. And as they say the rest is history........ We had a conversation awhile later and the dream I had while he was in the Sandbox. Well, that was the exact same time he was hurt....do you believe in fate. Because damn I know I sure do. Somehow we just have a special connection. When Sniper was home this last time for Christmas, I had a very long conversation with his mom. His mom knew what happened in boot camp and everything in between. I wanted to make sure (with the histroy between his mom and I) that she would give me her blessing on us. She told me, "I always knew you were meant for him. I know after all this time and with both of your feelings still never changing, that you two do love each other. It is true love. I know you will make a good wife for him someday." A lot of other conversation went with this, but it was wonderful to hear her say that. I do have some serious issues though: I am doing one of those Deja Vu things. This was the same time 14 years ago he left. 14 years ago him to boot camp.....now, the Sandbox. 14 years ago Sniper left before my 21st birthday....now, leaving before my 35th birthday. However, the biggest difference will be I will be right here waiting for him when he returns to spend the rest of our lives together. Sniper forgave me a long time ago....I just have never been able to forgave myself for what I did to him in boot camp. I know with him leaving it will be in the back of his head (whether he admits it or not) that I won't be here or that I will find the comfort of someone else. And yes, with my track record I can completely understand this. I will say this, I will never hurt him again. I would rather take my life then destroy him like I did all those years ago. I couldn't live with myself if that happened. If you read this whole thing, you know the "History" of Sniper and I. Please don't pass judgment on me. I have to live with my demons everyday and they are hell to live with....... dyzgoneby

Going Insane

It's only been a few weeks since Lego Man has been sick. Yesterday I received a call from Jedi (ex-husband) saying the school just called and Lego Man is throwing up. I had just walked in from work (1300). I have been sick with a wonderful cold since last Friday and came home early to sleep before the kids got home. I wore my self ragged when Sniper was home with the lack of sleep and stress of him leaving. It was inevitable I was going to get sick. I run over to pick him up and brought him home. All night yesterday and all day today he is still throwing up. I am so sick and tired of him being sick. I have no patience for him. He is very whinny. I know he doesn't feel good. But, Damn I feel like dog shit too! Tonight I sit here and listen to him whine and cry somemore. Why is he crying tonight? He wants Ice Cream. Well......when you just threw up you don't get Ice Cream. You need to take it slow. But, Noooooo.....he's hungry and I'm a big meanie for not giving him Ice Cream. How about some saltine crackers? Nope...his mouth is all cut up from his braces and he wants something soft, like, Ice Cream. So being the big meanie I am, I finally say F**k it and give in. I just want him to stop crying. I know he doesn't don't feel good. "Mom" "Ya" "I just threw-up again. You were right. I don't want anymore Ice Cream." "Duh" Do you think kids listen.....NO!!! I know what I am talking about. I have been through this more times then I can count. OK...say your probably thinking I am a big pushover and always give-in.....well....maybe sometimes, but damnit I still feel like shit. I'm tired tonight and a cranky bitch. I just want 5 minutes of peace a quiet without hearing "MOM!" Can I change my name? Just for a few minutes. Please? Can someone else come play mom for a little while? Luckly both of my kids are now in bed for the night. I haven't been to work in the last 2 weeks other than yesterday for 4 hours. Last week I was on vacation and this week, a sick kid. Tomorrow I will be calling in sick again. So where is my bottle of Tequila? Oh where, oh where has it gone? I guess I will have to go downstairs and look for it. When I find it I will poor me a nice big drink and pray for a little peace tonight.....Please? dyzgoneby

Things You Probably Don't Want To Know About Me

I guess I will let everyone take a little peak into my life........ My favorite color is Green. My favorite flower is a Lily I was born and raised in California and have only lived here. My first kiss was in the 5th grade to a boy name Donald. I miss being pregnant. It was the most incredible feeling around. In High School and College I taught Jazz dancing, until I blew out my knee. I believe in a higher power. Is that God? Some would say that and with this deployment approaching, I sure am praying a lot. I have been to 8 States and outside the US to Canada. I use to have a great body with big boobs. Now everything just droops. I can thank my kids for this. I have a big mouth and talk too much. I can out talk just about any person around me. I have a heart of gold. I am the type of person who would do anything to make a person happy. Most men have always screwed me over (look above and below for the reason). I am a very trusting person. My Aunt taught me how to flip off other driver's at the age of......4 My same aunt used to drink with me.....I was 13. The same aunt and another one took me out for my 21st birthday and we all got shitty. I pee'd on the side of the road. I went to a male strip club with my mother. That was fun!!!!! My dream car would be a 1969 Chevy Camero SS I have been married twice. I told my first husband I wanted a divorce on our 2nd wedding anniversary, September 11, 1995. I was only married to my second husband six months, when I asked for a divorce. Only man I ever hit, was 2nd husband. He pushed my son down the stairs and I decked him. Reason for the divorce. I want to get married again on the beach, with the sand between my toes. For a long time I never wanted to get married again. They say the 3rd times a charm...... I download music from the internet. I am afraid of thunderstorms. If I could fit under my bed, I would hide their. I hate rodents. Especially rats. Currently they are living in my atitc and I am to chicken shit to go up there and kill them. Need to call an exterminator. Add this to honey-do list before Sniper gets back from the Sandbox. I don't trust woman. They are all to caddy and love to stab you in the back. I have never bungee jumped, but I would love to. I want to skydive.....just can't find anyone to do this with me. I was very athletic growing up. I played soccer, softball, gymnastics, was on the swim team and diving team. I dated someone who was 8 years older then me for 3 years. The mammas boy couldn't let go of the apron strings and that was the end of the relationship. The youngest person I dated was only a year younger than me. I am still in love with that man, Sniper. When I was in High School my friends' & I stole my friends mother's van. I was the only one who had driven before. That day was my first day of driver's training....don't tell me kids. The first thing I notice of a man is his smile. Then I check out the backside. I love a man in jeans going commando. I am a Starbuck junkie. I love caramel Frappicinos. I look like Jamie Lee Curtis. I have never been expelled from school. I was suspended from Junior High School for bringing firecrackers. In Junior High I was caught shop lifting. I don't usually wear brand name clothes. I look for the best deal (can you say cheap). I have my belly button pierced. I have 2 Tattoos. A Dragon on my ankle and a butterfly on my lower back. I completely regret the dragon. I was 18, young and stupid. I prefer men who wear boxer briefs or completely commando. I am a only child. Yep spoiled rotten to the core. I got everything I wanted. The last time I was drunk was this New Year's Eve. I passed out on the bathroom floor. Sniper took a picture of me naked laying out on some rocks with a river flowing around. We talked about sending it in to Playboy (he never did). His mom and sister have seen the picture......I didn't need to know this. I am a very romantic person. I like to send men flowers. I was pulled over in college for running a red light. The police officer didn't get close enough to realize, I was drunker than a skunk. I have never had a alcoholic beverage again and drove. I have been to strip clubs and received a lap dance. You should have seen the look on Sniper's face. I would never marry for money. Money can't buy happiness or love. My favorite sayings are: "WTF" "Whatever" "Quit Fighting or Bitching or Arguing" "Kiss my Ass" "Knock it Off" I smoke. I quit for a few years and picked it back up this last summer. I am hoping to quit this year, but will see.. .. My favorite drinks are Midori Margaritta's and Vodka Cran. I would love to have another baby, but I can't. I love to scrapbook. My kids drive me insane. I graduated high school in 1989. I am a bookworm. I spend way to much time on the internet....way too much. My worst fear is dying before I marry Sniper. Two kids later and I want a boob job. If I have it my way the twins will be here before Sniper returns form the Sandbox. I averaged 2 schools a year growing up and I wasn't a military brat. My mom loved to move. My daughter has been in 4 different schools and she is in the 4th grade. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I am a procrastinator. I always put off today what I can do tomorrow. It does get done. I am a closet exhibitionist. I used to love to go to dance clubs and poll dance just to drive the men crazy. My grandfather passed away when I was 15 and I was happy. He was an asshole and I couldn't stand him. My son is Bi-Polar and it runs very high in my family (no I'm not, but I feel nuts at times). He was diagnosed when he ways 7 and tried to kill himself (someday I will post about that one). Let's just say my son has already been in a mental institution (not fun). I met Sniper at a dance club when I was 20. Boy can that man dance and still does very well (don't worry I can keep up with him). In 7th grade I got my ass kicked (big black eye). Why? Because she wanted to. This was my best friend. In high school I was a bully and would kick the living shit out of anyone who crossed my path. I guess after 7th grade I didn't want to be the one being pushed around anymore. I have never broke any bones in my body. Ever I have had more stitches in my body and head then I care to count. Yes, I am clumsy. I would love to be a elementary school teacher. I don't know why, my 2 drive me nuts. I never graduated from college. I decided I knew better than my parents. This is one thing someday I will complete. I want to learn how to Country Line Dance. Don't know why, I am all Cali girl. I am a neat freak. Very anal, almost to the point of OCD. Anything out of it's place and I go absolutely nuts. I even clean the walls and baseboards weekly I clean my kids bedrooms because they can't clean it good enough for me. Every damn toy has to be in it's place....again can you say "Anal." I lived on ho-ho's and root beer floats when I was pregnant with Drama Queen. Maybe that is why she is a junk food junkie. I don't drink water. Can't stand it. I was asked to resign from a job because my best friend was jealous that I was able to go to a Management retreat as another managers' girlfriend. She found a way to get me fired....resign. I worked for Taco Bell in High School and quit after the 1st week...why....because I was the only "white" person their and they were....ummmm....racists....in California..... My girlfriend and I used to steal bottles of wine from our "job" in high school. We would go to the drive inn's and get....errrr....drunk after work. God I miss those times. I cheated on Sniper when he was in boot and didn't even send him a "Dear John" letter. I just stopped all communication with him. I would love to kick my own ass for that one and it's been 14 years. And Yes, that man still loves me. I haven't ever cheated on another man because of the above incident. Unless you count cheating with Sniper this last summer when I was still living with the Jackass. I love Sniper with all my heart.....but.....you already know that. I think I will end with that. That's my life in a nut shell.... dyzgoneby

Something to ponder...sent to me via email

There were 39 combat related killings in Iraq in January. In the fair city of Detroit there were 35 murders in the month of January. That's just one American city, about as deadly as the entire war-torn country of Iraq. When some claim that President Bush shouldn't have started this war..... FDR Led us into World War II. Germany never attacked us; Japan did. From 1941-1945, 450,000 lives were lost an average of 112,500 per year. We apparently didn't have an "Exit Strategy" like so many are calling for in the Iraq war. Note that we are still in Germany after only 60 years. Truman Finished that war and started one in Korea. North Korea never attacked us. From 1950-1953, 55,000 lives were lost...an average of 18,334 per year. Here again, "No Exit Strategy." John F. Kennedy Started the Vietnam conflict in 1962. Vietnam never attacked us. Johnson Turned Vietnam into a quagmire. From 1965-1975, 58,000 lives were lost...an average of 5,800 per year. Clinton Went to war in Bosnia without UN or French consent. Bosnia never attacked us. No Exit Strategy here either. He was offered Osama bin Laden's head on a platter three times by Sudan and did nothing. Osama has attacked us on multiple occasions. When Clinton did send troops into Somalia, he obviously had an "Exit Strategy", which was "Cut and Run at the first hint of a problem." This has been mentioned by Osama Bin Laden as a cowardly thing and the terrorists determined from that and all the previous threats. Threats from Clinton, that we were a bunch of cowards that would not stand up to them. I'm personally glad to see that we have someone in charge with more credibility than Clinton. President Bush In the years since terrorists attacked us, he has liberated two countries, crushed the Taliban, crippled al-Qaida, put nuclear inspectors in Libya, Iran, and North Korea without firing a shot, and captured a terrorist who slaughtered 300,000 of his own people. The Democrats are complaining about how long the war is taking. But... It took less time to take Iraq than it took Janet Reno to take the Branch Davidian compound. That was a 51-day operation. We've been looking for evidence for chemical weapons in Iraq for less time than it took Hillary Clinton to find the Rose Law Firm billing records. It took less time for the 3rd Infantry Division and the Marines to destroy the Medina Republican Guard than it took Ted Kennedy to call the police after his Oldsmobile sank at Chappaquiddick It took less time to take Iraq than it took to count the votes in Florida!!!! Our Commander-In-Chief is doing a GREAT JOB! The Military Morale is high! The biased media hopes we are too ignorant to realize the facts. But Wait there's more! JOHN GLENN (ON THE SENATE FLOOR) Mon, 26 Jan 2004 11:13 Some people still don't understand why military personnel do what they do for a living. This exchange between Senators John Glenn and Senator Howard Metzenbaum is worth reading. Not only is it a pretty impressive impromptu speech, but it's also a good example of one man's explanation of why men and women in the armed services do what they do for a living. This IS a typical, though sad, example of what some who have never served think of the military. Senator Metzenbaum (speaking to Senator Glenn): "How can you run for Senate when you've never held a real job?" Senator Glenn (D-Ohio): "I served 23 years in the United States Marine Corps. I served through two wars. I flew 149 missions. My plane was hit by anti-aircraft fire on 12 different occasions. I was in the space program. It wasn't my checkbook, Howard; it was my life on the line. It was not a nine-to-five job, where I took time off to take the daily cash receipts to the bank." "I ask you to go with me ... as I went the other day...to a veteran's hospital and look those men with their mangled bodies ... in the eye, and tell THEM they didn't hold a job! You go with me to the Space Program at NASA and go, as I have gone, to the widows and Orphans of Ed White, Gus Grissom and Roger Chaffee...and you look those kids in the eye and tell them that their DADS didn't hold a job. You go with me on Memorial Day and you stand in Arlington National Cemetery, where I have more friends buried than I'd like to remember, and you watch. You stand there, and you think about this nation, and you tell ME that those people didn't have a job? "What about you?" For those who don't remember. During WWII, Howard Metzenbaum was an attorney representing the Communist Party in the USA. Now he's a Senator! Another Senator who has defended comunists and terrorists is none other than Hilary Clinton. I shudder to think that our newsmedia doesn't have the balls to expose her for what she really is. Update: I found the above in my email and posted it. After a comment from Tim C I checked the link on Urban Legends and FolkLore and sure enough it's right there. I will let you form your own opinon. However, here are some Statistics for you: Motor Fatalities in the US for 2004 "42,636" Homicides in California for 2004 "2,394" Fallen Heros from the OIF (as of January 11, 2006 1000 EST) "2,210" HatTip: Tim C aka Carroll For Council and DaveH dyzgoneby

Just a Proud American Here

When I posted about Life and Death Fears before a Deployment I never thought anything more about it then just pouring out my heart and feelings. Then when I checked my blog and found this and I wrote this as a reply, the depression turned to anger. I didn't need some idiot using me as a "human story" as to stopping the war in Iraq or another reason to bring the troops home. We all have are opinions on the war, but I don't really "air" my political beliefs. They are mine and mine alone. I guess that has now changed. The outpouring gratitude and support I have been receiving has been very humbling. I wasn't expecting anyone to step-up for me, I do a pretty go job of it myself. I am one tough little cookie that can speak her mind very well (yah, I have a pretty big mouth). When I told Sniper about everything that was going on with my little blog world he was a little pissed to say the least. Sniper doesn't understand much about the internet world let alone the blogging world. For he is a Marine doing his duty. For me the milblogs have been a wonderful place to find support and the "Truth" for what is going on in the Sand Box. I have stopped watching most news outlets, for they wouldn't know the truth if it hit them in the Ass....getting a little off track here. When Sniper told me he sent an email to post up on my blog I posted it. I am very humbled and full of pride of the post which he replied to the Ass Munch to say the least. I am very proud to be standing beside this truly wonderful Marine. Sniper is truly a man I am very proud of. I am proud to be his girlfriend and eventually Mrs. Sniper, if God grant's us that. Again, I know the reality of War and what can happen. Anything can happen. I am very thankful for men like him and our Military for what they do for us. I wish there was more I could do on the battlefront. I can't and have tried (medical reasons). What I can do as an American is keep the fires burning on the homefront, send him letters and care packages and put my little ol' two cents in where I can. We, American's, have a lot to be thankful for and I for one am a VERY PROUD to be an AMERICAN and an American Supporting all our troops. dyzgoneby

Sniper's Reply to the Ass Munch

No one here knows me, my name, beliefs, or views. I am the anonymous sailor, airman, soldier, or Marine. I can sit here and hide who I am or what I am about because of the worlds greatest technologies. But I wont do that. I wont hide!!! I am proud to be who I am. Some of you will know me as "Sniper" A little about me. I don't email much, I hate the phone, and I don't even understand the blogging world. I feel more like the "twas the night before Christmas.....Marine story". I am writing to you all not to debate or argue. Not even for a thank you. I am writing this because my special someone has talked on my behalf here and has seemed to get some "freedom of speech" replies! Many can say they don't like the war. I can understand that. Although "I am an American fighting for my country and our way of life." (the Code of Conduct....read it!!) When at war lives are lost and the only way we (selfish Americans....yes WE are selfish as a whole) can sit on our couches drinking a Latte and deal with it is to find a fault. Why us? Who do we think we are? What are we to gain from this? How many of us need to die? Well to answer that let me start with a little history. Now I only have a PHD (Plain High school Diploma), but I will do my best and here it goes. Over 230 years ago men and believe it or not women stood up against a tyrant (King of England) and said NO MORE. I will fight to my death to bring sovereignty to this land and not be oppressed for the crown any longer!! Many died. Was the decision blessed by all? NO. However, years later our great country won and then it began. Our lands have seen wars fought on every side but the men and women whom chose to defend it stood fast and strong. The battle for the Alamo shows just how much the few of us were and are ready to do for the many. Fast forwarding to present day our country stood here tall and proud and was attacked. Not our military, but our civilians. The ones that we, who did sign on the line, stood to protect. I remember that day. More vividly than many who will try to say they "understand". I was so very grateful that the elections were over and I will say "WE HAVE A COWBOY IN OFFICE!" President Bush is said not to be a very smart man.....well I would follow his orders to hell to see what it looked like and report back. He may not be a lot of things, but for anyone to think he does not care about us, the troops or this country, has to be an idiot. Briefly on WMD!!! Did we find them???? Well lets do the math, shall we. Saddam had just how many years to move and hide those damn things? When he did not let US inspectors in.....what was he doing???? When the UN in 1997 (I believe it was 97) thought they were close what happened??? Again, yes I said again, he threw the inspectors out of his country. What did the UN do whenever he did this? When ever he impeded the inspectors at all??? NOTHING!! And what did our President at the time do????? NOTHING (ok, got a blow job in the oval office)!!!! And for those who only listen to the media....well I was there when an IED (improvised explosive device) blew up and had sarin gas on board!! (Yes there are WMD's!!!) For those of you who want to jump on the "We're There For Oil" band wagon let me say this. If that were true, why are we paying so much? Since WE CONTROL THE OIL NOW?????? It is not ours, we did not TAKE IT, nor do we control it. We secured the fields for the IRAQI'S. Now does that mean we won't benefit from it? No I am sure we will, or should I say you will since I will be over there again.... I stand here ready to do my duty for all of you. Even that young man who has decided to include Dyz into his propaganda. And all I can say is this. I support you Sir. What you do, what you believe in, and even what you say! I may not like it or agree with it, but not matter what I will lock and load my weapon to defend you and it! I will continue to live with the emotional and physiological torments that I have now just so you and your kink will have a platform to do and say what you want! I just ask this. Direct you negativity to blogs or groups that are less personal. What I mean is that there is no reason for anyone to attack a specific person. Is there? Do you have to punch her in the chest to get your point across about the war??? I hope not....this UNITED STATES MARINE will not stand for that! What I do and the choices I have made are my own. For my own reasons, most of which the many will never understand. I don't need nor ask for your thanks or admiration. I am just a man who loves his country, countrymen and women, and believe that everyone deserves basic human rights. All that I can ask are a few basic things. If you are not sure how great this country is, then the next time you are at the store think: 1) Pepsi or Coke? 2) Dove or Ivory? 3) skim, 2%, or whole 4) 2ply or 3ply Charmen (I like the 3ply myself) (Your welcome for the choices that we give you on a daily basis) Now for those of you who are still reading this and have something else to say negatively to my Girlfriend (will be fiance and soon enough, if God grants me, will be Mrs. Sniper) in regards to me, let me ask you this...... Have you ever been souly responsible for another? How about 100 or more? Have you ever held a dying man in your arms that you were in charge of? Have you ever had 14 of your buddies hurt when you told them to do a job? Have you ever been faced with a child holding a weapon trying to kill you? Have you ever had to inventory your buddies gear to send home to his family? Have you ever had to make the choice of their lives or yours? Have you ever been blood drenched on battlefield and could not take the time for yourself because you were LEADING THE WAY???? Have you ever been bleeding profusely and then have someone tell you that you were going to die? Have you ever had one of your buddies put into a body bag and you flew them to safety so they could go home???? There are many things you have not to do. And I don't wish these on anyone, to include you. Those of us who choose this way of life do if for many reasons. And if you look it up, it is all on line (E-6 over 14), it is not for the money. We are Patriot who believe in our cause. As many did 230 years ago! No one ever said war (or combat for that matter) was ever easy. It takes a brave few to do what they do, to stand up and answer the call of duty for their country. Not every one can handle that job, I'll give you that. Most people would rather sit in their comfy chair, in their fancy house and arm chair quarterback everything. Am I asking for you to do what I do? NO!! But I do ask for your support and your attempt to understand. My middle child said the most "on point" things to me after I just told him I was going back to "catch the bad guys". He said, "Daddy, I am going to make a sign for the front yard." And I said "Buddy (that is what I call him) what is it going to say?" He replied: "You don't have to support the war to support my Daddy!" He is only 10 years old and loves me, doesn't want me hurt, but supports me. And on the other hand is already dealing with the likes of you who just want to bad mouth me and my "kind". That is sad....But my 10 year old is strong enough to stand up for what he believes it.....the apple does not fall far from the tree. So what I really came on here to say was this: Dyz, my love, I am sorry for all that has come your way with this. You are getting that backlash for me and my choices. I am sorry that because of the man I am you are having to deal with this type of shit. And for that I apologize to you, my love. Thank you for being you and supporting me in all that I do for all of us. God Bless the USA and all of our troops, everywhere!!!! Sniper To Sniper: to me you will never have to apologize for your choices, I stand proud beside you and support everything you stand for. I love you! Dyzgoneby

Just Another Day

Yesterday, I did a lot better. I had a mission. Sniper gave me a "Honey-Do" list to accomplish. I have had this list for the last six months and hadn't really done much. He rewrote it and told me to finish it. Okay, I have been lazy. I started it at the top and actually finished it all. All done, Sir!!!! I went over to the craft store to have my yellow ribbons made for the front of my house (I'm not very crafty). I had someone to help me and she was asking lots of questions. The problem was as soon as she started to make the ribbon I started to bawl. What a ninny....I tried to keep it together and had been doing very well that morning. But when she asked how long it will need to last, I lost it. I felt sorry for the people around me. I finally pulled it together and left. The rest of the day I stayed so busy, I didn't have to think. I was able to talk to him at the end of the night. He was exhausted and it had been a long day. He starts training his Marines at 0730 this morning and a 3 of the guys already have to be replaced. One - DUI (not good dude) Two - Stabbed over the weekend in the neck (definitely not good) Three - Mom passed away the night before (my thoughts and prayers go out to his family) Then a couple of units had a few things that came up and won't be able to report until later in the morning. He is trying to get the training done during the week, that way his Marines can be with their families on the last few weekends they are here. At the rate they are going, that won't happen. This morning I stopped by Sniper's moms work and said hi. She introduced me to some of her coworkers as Sniper's Girlfriend and the one he was dating years ago before boot. That was a great feeling. I will have to write soon about what happened years past. We haven't really got along until the last 6 months. The next few days I will be gone. I am leaving at 1200 for a three day scrapbook retreat. I can't wait. Just to have my friends around me right now is what I need. dyzgoneby

Idiotic People

I logged on and saw my blog had a quiet a few hits in the last few days and didn't quiet understand. I did a search and found this, scroll down until you see the link "Click here for one very good reason to stop the war in Iraq Right Now!" It links to this. WTF!!!! I was outraged that some Ass Munch would link to my post about Life and Death Fears Before a Deployment and state this is why we should stop the War in Iraq! Just because I have fears does not mean we should pull out. I know what the reality of this war could bring. If you read the damn post you would understand he was very lucky the last time. I also know the type of Marine Sniper is. He is a damn good Marine that everyone should be proud of. He is the first one out of the Humvee and the last one on. He is the first in the door and the last one out. He is the last one to bed and the first one up and some nights he doesn't even sleep. Does he have to do this? No!!! But, that is the type of Marine/Man he is. One of the conversations we had is if it means he lays down his life so some young Marine can come home to his new wife and baby, then that is what will be done. He will bring them all home safe and sound. Even if it means he doesn't come home the same way with them. He is proud and earned the title "Marine" through and through. I trust him with my life and know anyone in his Company can count him to bring them out on the otherside safe and sound. So when some ass munch jumps on my fears, I get pissed. I will not play politics with anyone!!! He believes in what we are doing (and so do I) and that is all that counts. Got any complaints? If not, Shut The Fuck Up. (sorry mom) dyzgoneby

See You Next Year My Love

Yes I am having a helluva night. My count down until the last time I see Sniper is over. I just said see you next year. Knowing I won't see him physically for the next 15 months is playing hell on my emotions. The last few hours he was here I held it together pretty good. We talked a lot and shared a few laughs. He even chewed me out for not securing my house. I forgot to lock the front door and was sitting upstairs with the music just a little to loud. Besides, you can't hear anything anyway downstairs from my room. Opps......No I don't want Wingman to come all the way up here to check out my house to make sure it is "all secure." Because I know, I do screw up from time, that I don't need a Ass Chewing from him in Iraq. That would not be pretty. I will try very hard to make sure the house is secure, including the garage. Roger that. Then about the last hour he was holding me and the tears started to leak a little. It's pretty pathetic when I kept holding him and breathing in his smell just to have something to hold onto. To know this is the last time for awhile I will be able to smell him. I can still smell him on my arms and I don't want to let it go. And no that is not wrong to try and drink in his scent. Then the last 10 minutes they started to flow. As I gave him the last hug I couldn't stop. I watched him pull out of the drive way and told him I loved him. I walked into my house and closed the door. That's when I fell on to the back of the door and let them flow freely and hard. I walked up the stairs and put his t-shirt and sweats on. Nope they didn't make it into his bag home. Don't think he will really need them for awhile. Now I don't want to take them off. I walked back downstairs and fixed me a nice big drink and brought the bottle back up with me. Okay I know this isn't the way to go and I did promise him I wouldn't lose myself in a bottle for the next 15 months. However, one night of indulging is okay. The rest will wait for him. So now, 4 hours later I can't stop the tears. I figured tonight I was allowed to cry all I want. Tomorrow I will suck it up and deal. As I sit here my wonderful daughter called to tell me good night. She's with her dad for a few days to allow me to pull my shit together. She knew I was crying and asked me what was wrong. I told her Sniper left a little while ago and mommy is just sad. She says "Mommy you remember what you told me?" Yep. He will be coming home to us. He will be okay. She told me she loved me and said goodnight and then "mommy it will be okay" and hung up. I am so proud of that little girl. She has really been listening and actually taking in her and my conversations over the last few weeks. I have drove it in hard how proud we are of him and YES HE WILL BE COMING HOME. In that one brief conversation she made me very proud to know I am doing a damn good job of raising a hellauva kid. She also put a smile on my face that I needed. I am so scared and sad right now, but I know it is only for a short, okay long, time until he will be in my arms again. It's kinda tuff knowing I won't be sending him off in a few weeks. So, even though he is still on US Soil I won't get to hold him and look into his eyes for a very long time. dyzgoneby

Quiet Commercial

Ok I came across another one from a friend. Check this out. Thank you! dyzgoneby

This will make you proud......

I ran across this from another Marine Fiance. Thanks Kendra. dyzgoneby

Sniper's Birthday

Yesterday was Sniper's Birthday and I was able to share his birthday with him and his family. His mom spent all day cooking Mexican food and I am doing it a disservice be describing her food as "Awesome Shit." She makes the best damn Mexican food I have ever tasted. Before dinner, we had went out to the airport to pickup another Marine (Wingman) one of his close friends coming into town to help him drive back home on Wednesday. So we decided since this was going to be one of the last times available, before his deployment, that he was going to get Wingman fucked up. And that he did. That man is funny without out drinking and with a glass or to many to count of 7/7 he is even more hilarious. After his family went to bed the three of us decided the night was to young (2300) and lets hit some bars. We stopped at one, a biker bar at that, and we each had a drink. Oh yah, I was drinking right along with the two of them and didn't think after our New Year's I would touch the stuff for awhile. Well that lasted.......a day. So, at the bar not much was happening and very few people there, other than some drunk ass fool who stood about 6 inches from my ass and kept checking me out. Now, I had my arms wrapped around Snipper and Wingman was sitting just a little to my right. This dumb ass stood there for a good 3 minutes. I watched the instant change from Sniper's happy go lucky face to that of a Marine / Warrior protecting his princess, me. I turned around and sure enough this fool couldn't stop staring. I could see where this was going and I sure and the hell didn't want to have to pick up two Marines from Jail, so we left. They assured me they wouldn't be going to jail, but he would not tolerate anyone checking me out. OK......I can accept that. Well, in this small town, on a Monday evening, there really isn't much night life. So, where do we end up....a Titty Bar in another city. Yeah that's right you heard me, I went with the two of them to a strip club. Believe me I don't live a sheltered life. Besides, why not put some happiness on to my Marine who won't be able to see anything for a very long time that up close and personal, along with sharing this experience with his princess. I won't tell the whole story because that's more information then I want to share. But, I will say I paid them to put his cute ass up on stage and watch three woman fondle him and give him a awesome lap dance. I am not worried, I know where he sleeps at night and who he is touching. I am 100% secure in my relationship with him. He absolutely loved it. Let's just say the evening went very well when we got home. He now has a helluva memory to hold tight to him to help carry him over for the next 15 months and so do I. We are now counting down by hours until he leaves to return back to base. He will be leaving around 1400 Wednesday. It's getting harder the closer it comes to saying until next year...... dyzgoneby

Life and Death Fears Before a Deployment

Please forgive me this is my first deployment with Sniper as his significant other and I am not sure what is normal. This by far isn't his first (14 years in). I just don't remember him acting like this on the last one. I also don't know anyone to talk to who can tell me what is normal. Sniper is here at home (where he grew up) and deploys in a few short weeks. I only have a three more days with him left. He has been going around to all his "friends" and making peace with them all. Along with his family. He and I have had so many "what if something happens to him" conversations it is scaring the hell out of me. I wasn't to scared until he started talking like this. He has said this is this first time he truly is scared and believes something is going to happen to him and he will be coming home in a pine box or hurt very badly. He keeps making me promise that I will go on. Or, if he comes home with missing limbs, I will stay by his side and not leave him. I am not going anywhere no matter what. I love that man to damn much. He is everything to me. On this deployment, he is the only one who has been to the Sandbox before. I know he was hurt very bad last time and extremely lucky to make it out alive. He lost another Marine that day, the Marine next to him lost his leg and the Doc thought he was a goner and pulled his tag out of his boot (he was bleeding out of his ear). He told me that almost made him lose his will to live, but one of his close friends (Wingman) was there and kept him going. He has even gone so far as to let me know how I will be notified (not married). His friends, Marines, will look after me. He is making sure I get a flag to remember him by. He has askedWingman to make sure they drape another flag over his coffin and present it to me. Along those lines: I can't stop crying. I would love to go longer than a few hours without crying. It doesn't matter where I'm at or who is around. I haven't ever cried like this. I can't sleep. I am lucky if I sleep longer than 3 hours. The nightmares are to much to handle. I can't keep anything down. I have lost 5lbs. I can't keep losing weight. There won't be anything left. I sent my kids to spend a few weeks with there dad because I can't deal with there fears. I also have zero patience. I am going away this next weekend for a scrapbook retreat for 3 days and hoping it will rejuvenate me and I will come home with a better perspective. I'm not looking for a pity party from anyone. I'm just very depressed. I am not sure how normal this is. One day I will probably look at this and say WTF was I thinking this is completely normal. dyzgoneby

My New Years

Sorry I haven't written in awhile Sniper is home and my blog is the last thing I have been concerned with. New Year's Eve Sniper and I spent it at his sister's house with his family. This was the first year in a long time I wasn't home with the kids and sound asleep by 2300. We definitely partied the night away. We all had lots of drinks. I was going to be good and not drink much. I didn't want to make an ass out of myself with his family around. His dad talked me into a shot of tequila (Do you know the song "tequila makes her clothes fall off?" That is me) I took it. I started mixing drinks. Not good. We watched the ball drop and Sniper gave me my first kiss of the New Year. God I love that man. Sniper took off to pick up his son and I kept on drinking with his brother-in-law and dad. Kept right on with the tequila shots. Finally I just started taking drinks from the bottle. Not good. Once Sniper got back, we all went back in the house and I grabbed the tequila bottle again and kept drinking right from it. A few minutes later, I didn't feel so well. I walked to the bathroom on a mission. Yuck. Came out and fell against a wall. Uh oh.....I walked to the bathroom again (thank god it was only a few steps away). I fell against the wall in the bathroom and the last thing I remember is getting sick in the bathroom. I passed out, door locked on the floor. Somehow, someway Sniper convinced me to unlock the door. Him and his dad left me there. I woke up to a hell of a nightmare about Sniper. I couldn't stop crying. They walked me to the car and buckled me in. I was still bawling. When we got back to his parent's house his dad held onto me in the car. Do you feel like we you made an ass out of yourself.... Nope...I know we all do this. He told me Sniper will be okay. He just knew what I was thinking. I didn't have to tell him anything. So here it is New Year's and I can't get this damn deployment out of my head. The nightmares keep coming. Way to vivid. Good thing is I got to sleep and hold onto to Sniper all night. Well, all morning. Got up at about 1100. No hang over. Thank God I got sick because it would have been bad. We all went out to brunch and my wonderful passing out on the bathroom was the topic of the day. It seems it was my turn to be the "Ass" for the evening. Yeah that's good. I hope you all had a wonderful New Year's! dyzgoneby