Let Our Men Do There Job

With my little ol' blog only having two daily readers, I normally wouldn't link to another blog. I figured most people have already read everything else and when absolutely bored....you get me. This one has my feathers ruffled and I couldn't pass it up. Fun With Hand Grenades and his next adventure "Wild Bill, part two." Following our trip to the city and the shotgun incident I was shooting the shit with our lieutenant when he told me I couldn’t go nuts with the shotgun anymore. Apparently he and all the NCOs that were there had to file paperwork on the whole thing, documenting why I was firing off shotgun rounds like they were going out of style. I looked at him with my signature “Whiskey Tango Foxtrot” look: “You’ve got to be kidding me. ”“Nope,” he said. “No more of that in the city.” OK, here’s where I get on my soap box and get critical of how things are run around here. Apparently some of the higher ups caught word about the shotgun blasts and flipped out that we (and by “we” I mean “I”) were, in essence, terrorizing the citizens or Iraq. I say “we” because all my leadership was in total approval of what I did. Being in the lead truck it was necessary for me to make certain decisions, decisions that can easily affect our safety. Being motionless in a crowd of people who could potentially kill you isn’t my idea of a fun time. Honk your horn, motion for Haji to move, yell at them in Arabic… there’s not much else you can do. Hence the use of my Mossberg. And we’re getting bitched at for what we call “escalation of force?” Get the fuck out of here… were you there? No; know your role and stay the hell out of it. The lives of my comrades and me are at risk. I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure we get through the city safely. If that includes scaring Haji into compliance with gunfire, so be it. If that includes destroying property, so be it. Maybe they’ll know to get the fuck out of the way next time. What are you waiting for, go read it, leave him a comment while your at it.......and then you will want to read "Wild Bill, Part One" ********************** I put my little ol' 2 cents in on his comments and here is part of them: Too many people seem to forget this is a war we are fighting and not a fucking video game. Thanks to the MSM and technology, we all get to sit back and enjoy / pick apart everything that is wrong or right in Iraq &/or Afghanistan with never stepping foot outside of our nice comfy homes. Bullshit. Who the hell do we think we are to criticize what transpires? Who are we to say what happened, even including in the most recent Haditha Story? This one, they have been tried and convicted thanks to the MSM without every stepping inside a court room. My point, Soldiers, Marines, Airmen, Seaman need to be left alone to do there job, "Kick Some Ass" and come home. After all we are fighting a war. Or did I miss something. Semper Gratus! dyzgoneby

Sacrifices

Sunday and Monday I STUDIED....and Today.....well....ummmm...I am getting there. Drama Queen calls me, on the way home tonight, and wants me to pick her up. She's bored and there is no one to play with. She wants to come home, play with her friends and she promises she will make her own dinner, soup. As she is telling me this, I am thinking...Her friends will destroy what little is left in my house clean. I have mud all over the carpet from Saturday. hmmmm....her making herself soup, oh hell no. The last time I let her cook something, she ended up with smoothies in my cabinets, on the counters, all over the floor and on the carpet in the living room. Ok, again hell no!! "Mom.....mommy, please come get me?" I tried to explain to her, it's almost over. Only a few short weeks left to go until I am finished (well, with the first one). She thought I was being unfair and told me I am being mean. She's bored and there is nothing to do. That did it. I blew up. I flat out told the little shit, "I would love to have time to play right now. I would love to actually be bored right now. I would love to do anything,but study right now. Don't give me any shit about being bored. You need to learn about sacrifices. The sacrifices I am making for all of us." I hung-up and haven't talked to her since. That little shit pissed me off. Here I am trying my hardest and she is bitching she's what.....bored...bored....Oh hell no! I would love to be bored for a day or two or three. Don't worry, I know she will call me tonight to have me "tuck her in" via the phone. dyzgoneby 1, 2, 3, I am dropping and doing 20 4, 5 ,6, I don't want to be a blimp 7, 8, 9, I am hitting the books 10, 11, 12, I am hitting the books 13, 14, 15, I don't want to put cookie down 16, 17, 18, oh shit, I am tired, not.....19, 20.... A Sample question from just one little unit I am on: A Customer is short 100 XYZ shares at 26 and long 1 XYZ 30 call at 1. The customer breaks even if XYZ trades at: A) 25 B) 27 C) 29 D) 31

Two Days Down

You are probably wondering what the hell am I on? No, it has nothing to do with Sniper. I have gone almost 2 full days without smoking. With all the crap going on around my life: Sniper deployed, way to f*cking long Sniper being hurt, again My dad having surgery this last week, he's doing great Studying for this damn exam, with 4 more behind it My house falling apart, I swear it's not my fault Not spending much time with my munchkins the last 6 weeks I truly didn't think I would make it this far. I am a little short tempered, eating a little too much (as of this morning: package of donuts, huge salad with a loaf of bread, quesadilla, a burrito, a whole package of chip's ahoy cookies and still looking for more to eat), I can't concentrate and I can't sit still. However, I am doing it. YEAH!!!! dyzgoneby

Memorial Day

Please take the time to remember why we have today off. To Honor those who have paid the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom. dyzgoneby

I Need A Man Around Here...

I stole this title from Brad Paisley's song, "You Need A Man Around Here." It sums up our weekend so far. Somehow, someway, Drama Queen and I broke one of our pipes in the irrigation system in one of our flowerbeds. Right smack in the middle. When did we notice it? As I was trying to figure out why my sprinkler system wasn't working right. I went out front and this is what I saw. Can you see the huge hole in the middle of what I just planted? Can you see all the dirt now on my lawn? My little plants just floated away. Great, now I get to dig up what is left again and try and figure you how to plug/fix the broken pipe. I am not sure which one of us did this, but now it needs to be fixed. I need someone else to help. I just have to figure out whom. And trust me you don't want the two of us anywhere near your yard. As I went back to turn this section off, the rest of the sprinklers now won't work. WTF. I am not sure how to make it work. Sniper was the one who helped program it for me last year. Somehow a few months ago, the box was unplugged and now I am trying to reprogram it. Uuggghhh. I can't figure the damn thing out. No wonder my yard is dying. You love my darling little girl. I hope she enjoys the pic of her I am posting. Smart ass.... The pic sitting on the fence, that really needs to be painted and no time to do it, is of her pony that was sold this last year. She decided to make our flower bed a memorial to her.... Mind you she's not dead, the pony or my kid. My neighbor's probably think we are so white trash. Not really, they all know I am on my own, Sniper is in the Shitbox and I am studying for the summer. Thank God they are super supportive and understanding. Yep, I need a man around here (No, Sniper, I am not looking for one) to help fix everything I break...... This is the list so far: Broken Pipe in the Flowerbed Broken sprinklerheads (3) in the lawn. No, Bubba & I haven't fixed them yet. Bathroom light that won't work. Yes, I have already tried replacing the bulb. Do you think I am that much of an airhead? Hole in my bedroom door. Yes, I have a temper too & you don't want to know what set it off. dyzgoneby Sniper, I promise I will have the list completed before you come home, maybe.

Update and a comment from Sniper

I spoke with Sniper a little while ago tonight. I have been sending my posts along with the comments to him for quite awhile now. I let him know if there was ever a time he wanted me to send a message to all of you, let me know and I would. He did. I can't do this verbatim, so you will get it some what in my words. I will never put any of my Marines lives in jeopardy. I know my limits and if it meant I would have to come home, because I would place their lives in danger, so be it. However, I made a promise to them at the beginning of this deployment, I intend to keep. I will bring each and everyone of them home with me. I can still hold my weapons, yes plural, and can do my job. Right now I am on light duty. My shoulder is healing and everyday it is feeling better. ********************************* His family and I have talked at great length at the possibility of him coming home with his injury or any other scuttle butt we have heard. Each and everyone of us know, he won't be home until his job is finished and that would be sometime next year. None of us are counting on him coming home a minute earlier. We can dream, but it is only that. When we hung up, he was headed out to the range. I only talked to him a few minutes. Those few minutes were wonderful. You will never hear me complain of the lack of communication from him (only that I get worried when it has been almost 2 weeks). I know, I/we are far more fortunate than most. Most "over there" don't get to call home as often and some choose not too. They use other forms of communication. This is our (his family & I) only form of communication with him. He doesn't like computers and can't stand to write. That's ok, we will take what we can get. ***************************** I haven't posted much this week because I have been studying. Yep, you heard me. Tonight and tomorrow I am taking a small break with a little studying in between. I am spending some much needed time with my kids. We are working in the flower beds, making them look real pretty. My kids & I went over to Home Depot tonight and picked out a shit load of plants. Lego Man bought some strawberries to plant and Drama Queen bought some watermelon plants. Neither will probably produce squat, considering I haven't had time to water anything in my yard in weeks and it will be another few before I can enjoy the quiet comfort from it. I don't dare tell them I will probably be the reason they die. Tomorrow afternoon, all our neighbors are getting together for a huge barbecue. The kids and I will enjoy this time together. I won't be drinking with the rest of my neighbors as I will need to be functioning at 100% on Sunday. Also, I don't drink with my kids around. I have always played the responsible parent roll with them. Besides I know the one time I do, one of the hellions will end up getting hurt from their adventures and I would have to call my mother to come take them to the hospital for me. I learned this one a long time ago and another long post. They also don't need to see there mom make an ass out of herself. Sunday and Monday, it's back to the grind and study, study, study for little ol' me. The only other thing on the agenda for this weekend, I am quitting smoking. I will be waiting until my kids are gone on Sunday and then that's it. No more smoking for me. I had planned on doing this right after Sniper left, but the stress kept it going. No more excuses, I am done. The last time I quit (for over 2 years), I was a real bitch and my daughter felt the brunt of it. She told me "Mommy you were not nice and very crabby." Hence why I am waiting for them to leave the house for a few days. I am planning on doing this cold turkey. It is the only way I can do it. You don't need to wish me luck, I know I can do this. I just may have to repeat it a few times to myself. dyzgoneby come Sunday, watch out, I will be a huge bitch in zero to 2 seconds.

Update on my Dad & Sniper

Thank you for all the prayers!! They worked. My dad: He had surgery at 0200 this morning and is already back at home recovering as I type this. YEAH!!!! He apparently has been in pain since Saturday, and being the typical male (Sniper, I know I am just as stubborn, but I will work on it when you do), he didn't go to the doctor's and kept taking Motrin to kill the pain. It didn't work (duh) and ultimately ended up at the hospital. He is very lucky his appendix didn't burst. They won't be able to go to Montana this weekend, but will go this summer for my grandmother's 75th Birthday. Sniper: I was able to talk to him this afternoon. (He didn't remember if he told me he was hurt. Must be some good shit they had on for that one to happen.) He should know in the next 24 hours if they will be sending him to Germany (my cousin is already on standby). His shoulder is screwed up pretty bad. When he tells me it hurts, I know it HURTS. There is even some scuttle that he may be shipped home because of his injury. My take is difficult to explain on this. Physically he needs to let his shoulder recover and heal properly. Pretty simple and straight forward for your average civilian, me, but he is a MARINE and that comes first. Taking care of his own. Him coming home before the rest of his Marines is going to be a major issue. He made a promise to bring them all home and he intends to do this. If he is hurt, he can't. So to him, he will be just fine, even though his body is telling him differently. I do understand this. Trust me, if this happens and they are all still there, he is going to be a major bear to be around. So for me, as much as it hurts to not have him close and spoil him rotten, I would rather him come home with all of his unit. Even if that isn't until next year. I wonder what the chances are they could all come home soon? Yep, just what I thought, pretty much nadda. I will keep you all updated as I hear. dyzgoneby 1, 2, 3 I am dropping and doing another 20 4, 5 , 6 I am too tired physically and emotionally to hit the books tonight 7, 8, 9, wait I can't do another 20 10, 11 , 12 OMG I want my bed, heelllpppp 13, 14 ,15 unclejim he thought this was funny as hell 16, 17 , 18 especially when I told him I was actually doing them 19, 20 then he tells me you really are doing double, 1 for you & one for the Corps 21, 22 oh shit let me off this ride 23, 24 , 25 now how do I firm up my tummy and ass to match my arms 26, 27, 28 I love you Sniper with all my heart

Say A Prayer for my Father

Please say a prayer, for my dad. He is going in for surgery in a few hours to have his appendix removed. I know this is done quiet frequently, but none the less, my father's health isn't the best. I will be going up to the hospital soon to sit with my mom while my dad is in surgery. I am also sad for the both of them. They were planning on a trip to Montana this coming week to visit my grandparent's and for a surprise party for my aunt's 50th Birthday. My mom and my Aunt C (or as I call her my favorite auntie, FA) have been planning this for months. I will keep you all updated. dyzgoneby

"Love Me When I'm Gone"

Below are the lyrics to the song that was attached to the slide show Sniper sent to me. It sums up his feelings. Read them. The tears stream down my face as I understand the sacrifices him and everyone of our Military men and women make. I am internally grateful to each and everyone of them. 3 Doors Down - When I'm Gone There's another world inside of me That you may never see there're secrets in this life That I can't hide Somewhere in this darkness There's a light that I can't find Maybe it's too far away... Or maybe I'm just blind... Maybe I'm just blind... [Chorus] So hold me when I'm here Right me when I'm wrong Hold me when I'm scared And love me when I'm gone Everything I am And everything in me Wants to be the one You wanted me to be I'll never let you down Even if I could I'd give up everything If only for your good So hold me when I'm here Right me when I'm wrong You can hold me when I'm scared You won't always be there So love me when I'm gone Love me when I'm gone... When your education x-ray Can not see under my skin I won't tell you a damn thing That I could not tell my friends Roaming through this darkness I'm alive but I'm alone Part of me is fighting this But part of me is gone [Chorus] Maybe I'm just blind... [Chorus] Love me when I'm gone... Love me when I'm gone When I'm Gone When I'm Gone When I'm Gone dyzgoneby Sniper, I love you with all my heart

Sacrifices

This morning I received a phone call from Sniper. "Honey, you need to sit down. Are you Sitting?" "Yep" thinking now what the fuck. "I was hurt again. I'm ok, I dislocated my shoulder in a fire fight. They already popped it back in." "Ok" I am ok with this He told me what happened. He kicked some ass, took some insurgents in custody and shot some (ok a shit load) of rounds off. He is fine. They have him on light duty for the next 5 days and then will re-evaluate him. He might need to be sent to Germany for a MRI. (He will keep me posted. My cousin is stationed there and will meet up with him for a few beers if this happens) They are also putting him in for another Purple Heart. We talked for a few and he heard the kids in the background. That's when I got my ass majorly chewed. For what? Not studying like I should. I have been slacking. "You are Fucking with our future. Not the immediate future, but the next 50 years." Ouch! I tried to bullshit him a little on how it was going. That was the wrong thing to do. (Unclejim, I am counting off, let me know when I am finished). Boy did I royally piss him off and I promise to never bullshit him again. I have never in 15 years heard him raise his voice to me. Ever. Well, I got it good. He is a Marine and boy did it kick in this morning. I would hate to be under his command and piss him off. Wait, I am, I think. Then, "I am hanging up. I will call you back. I need to cool off." "Are you sure?" I think I fucked up "When the fuck have I not ever done what I told you what I would do?" We hung up. I know he is not only pissed at me, he is frustrated with being put on light duty. I was just in the wrong place, wrong time and said the wrong things. Boy am I learning quick. I am not taking it too personal. He called me back a little while later. It's all Good. We talked about sacrifices, his and mine. I hear him loud and clear. I was able to talk to Sgt L who overheard the whole thing (remember, he loves to put other Marines on the phone with me. Besides I have talked to Sgt L before. He's good people). I told him this was not fun to get my ass chewed. He asked if it was still there. "Nope, only half." Then the Sgt L said "It will grow back." At this rate, it won't grow back until sometime next year. Sniper was able to talk to my mom today as well. This is the first time he had talked to her since he left. It lifted his spirits. My mom told him she loved him and to stay safe. That meant the world to him. Why? Years ago, she told him, "to let me go". We know he didn't, but none the less that conversation has played in his head for a long time. I was happy my parent's were here and able to talk to him. I am off to study........... I PROMISE. I AM NOT FUCKING WITH OUR FUTURE! I HEAR YOU LOUD AND CLEAR OVER THE MILES. dyzgoneby 1, 2, 3, 4....I am sorry 5, 6, 7, I will not bullshit you again 8, 9, 10 I am going to study now 11, 12 13, I promise 14, 15 ,16 ok I hear you 17 , 18, 19 please let me off this ride 20, 21, 22 I am getting tired here 23, 24, 25 help 26, 27, 28 I get what sacrifices are 29, 30, 31 I love you with all my heart Sniper 32, 33, 34..........

Time For A Change

Sorry, I am playing around with my layout here. I realize how much I suck at trying to start a template from scratch. I would be better off to just pay someone to do this for me. I have spent the last 4 hours, just to come up with this crap. Then I had to add all the extra's that I had on before (links, blogroll, pictures, sitemeter, etc). Uugghhh....... This place looks pretty pathetic. Anyone what to give me some pointers. The time I spent on it, I should have been studying. Nope, not me. I did spend about 3 hours today at work though. It's All Good. I am going to get through this shit, one way or another. I heard from Sniper last night. It must have been the shortest conversation we have had since he boots on the ground. It lasted one minute and 39 seconds and we didn't get cut off. He just wanted to say "It's all Bueno." I laughed my ass off when he said that. Yep folks, it is definitely "All Good" dyzgoneby

It's All Good

Yep, today was just another day. Sniper recently sent me a slide show he had put together from Iraq. One with the video on it. The one the fucking stupid dumb ass Iraqis had taken when he was blown up. Along with several pictures he had taken of himself, SSgt R (the one who was hurt in the IED blast with him and currently still on life support), and his Marines. He did a great job of putting it together. (I haven't decided if I want to post it yet. It's all very raw and personal right now. I will talk to Sniper about this one.) It was hard to watch. I have relieved that day over and over again in my dreams. No, I wasn't there, but I saw it happen thanks to technology. He had included pictures of the after effects, his wounds being stitched up (very graphic) and receiving his purple heart. I brought it to work today to show Gunny (my boss and partner). I wanted someone else to share it with me. Someone who would understand all the feelings I have as I watched it. Pride for what he is doing for our Country and Iraq. Courage as I watched him being stitched up and back out on a Mission right afterwards. Honor as I watched the Purple Heart Pinned on his chest. Sadness for knowing how close he came that day. Loneliness for seeing the only glimpse I have had of him in a long time. Heart Ache as I listened to the music and understood the feelings and meaning behind it. Gunny watched it with me and afterwards said thanks. Thank you for reminding him that life isn't bad at all and everything around us is trivial compared to what him and other's have been through. He talked for awhile about how it doesn't matter when you get out, what you have done, seen or been through. What awards, medals you have earned. People in general just don't give a shit. People in general just don't care. Only those of us who have been there or are supporting a loved one can truly understand the sacrifices they make and truly care. Gunny served and retired after 21 years in the Marine Corps. He was there and wounded in Beirut and again through Somalia and wounded a second time. He made a promise to Sniper before he left, that he has my six, I am part of his family (I didn't comprehend the magnitude at the time, but I get it now). I rely on Gunny more than he will ever know. He is my rock and one of a few angels (and Wingman) I have. Several times he has came in and knew by looking at me what was going on in my world. Yesterday was no different. He took one look at me and brought me in his office. Just by looking at me, he thought Sniper was hurt again. No, just my insides were being ripped apart. He let me talk and cry for a long time. He listened. I could see the pain on his face. I knew he was remembering what he has tried for so long to forget. It is hard for me to find anyone who I can physically talk to who understands. Someone who has been there, done that or doing it. Lately I have needed to have someone who has been through a deployment or two to guide me on what to expect, what to say and what not say or how not to react. Neither of my fathers will talk about there time in Hell to this day, but every once in awhile they will look at me and tell me they understand. After Gunny and I talked today and I was getting ready to go home, he looked at me and said "It's All Good." "Yep, It's all Good and welcome to Hell", was my reply. dyzgoneby 311 days to go until this hell ends and another one begins

Relaxed to Raw Emotions

In less than 24 hours from my trip away from Life, my emotions are completely raw and exposed to the core. I find that most fucking things in my daily life are completely inessential, trivial and irrelevant to what our Marines and all Military serving in or served in a combat zone deal with on a daily basis. Most things in life just don't fucking matter. Do you understand, most things don't fucking matter. I won't even try to comprehend what those who have been in combat are going through. I have never served, never will. Not by my choice, but I would lay my life down for my country. I will never understand what it is like to put the battle ready face on and face the danger ahead. I will never understand what it is like to get shot at and feel it go by my head. I will never understand what it is like to have motar rounds fired at me, hit my building and not go off. I will not understand what it is like to have IEDs exploding all around me and underneath my truck. I will never understand what it is like to have my friends/brothers die. I will never understand what it is like to inventory my buddies gear to ship home to his family. I will never understand what it is like to have to face a child holding a weapon pointed directly at me with the intention of killing me. I will never understand what it is like to pull that trigger when it is the choice between your life or mine. I will never understand what it is like to lay my head down to sleep and can't because of all that I have seen. I will never understand what it is like to have flash backs to the explosion that all most took my life, but took someone else's just because they were 5 feet closer. I will never understand what it is like. All I can do is let my tears flow silently and put on that face of everything in my world is okay when it is not. All I can do is pray and have faith. All I can do is give support from home. All I can do is be a friend. All I can do is be here for him. All I can do is just listen. Not much I can do is there? I am 100% helpless and it fucking sucks. I would give anything to take his place instead. Today my emotions have been out there for all to see. One look in my direction and you should know to turn your back and run the other way. Nope, not everyone was that smart, but I wouldn't answer. Instead I just let my tears flow freely, all fucking day. dyzgoneby Welcome to hell and that will truly never end for some

I'm Back Relaxed

Lake Tahoe is absolutely beautiful this time of year. It's not to hot and not too cold. It's just right. I had a wonderfully relaxing time. I drove up to Tahoe Friday after work. I forgot how relaxing it was to drive by myself, windows rolled down, radio blaring and singing to my hearts content. I just feel sorry for anyone who was next to me, I can't sing. I made the drive in less than 2 hours. Not bad for a Friday night in rush hour traffic. I took lots of pictures this weekend and will let most of the pictures tell the story. I declared this weekend "All About Me." Friday Night: Just me being my typical Smart Ass self. My cousin Mike and I, already well on our way to drinking the night away. My cousin Matt and I. We all spent most of the night doing exactly what you would expect, drinking and gambling. My parents', Aunt CL and I called it a night at 0030. I was pretty drunk and had been up since 0430. Saturday: I got up at 0700. I had slept in a very uncomfortable bed/cot that had to be at least 40 years old. You know the type that has the hole in the middle and no matter how hard you try you always end up in the "hole." After we all got up and dressed, a group of us took a walk down to the Lake, as in Lake Tahoe. The views were spectacular. After lunch, my cousin Oliva and I went for a Manicure and Pedicure. This would be about 2 hours before the wedding. I have this wonderful habit of pushing the envelope. We made it with 10 minutes to spare. Left to right, top row, (this is a few of my cousins) August, Drew, Matt, Mike, Me, Kristin, and Oliva. Bottom, Quinton and Marisa. What you can't see in the picture, is Mike (the Groom) is wearing slippers to his wedding. WTF? I guess you would have to understand, my family is a little on the weird side, but it's all in fun. The ceremony was beautiful and standing room only. They had over 60 people who attended. Afterwards, a few of us had to a bar before making are way to the reception. Notice the shoes in the picture above? We walked around for over a hour like this. Yep, we were all pretty drunk. We spent the evening drinking, gambling, drinking, dancing, and more drinking. I learned a few things this weekend in Tahoe. 1) Don't drink and gamble, you will lose every time and lots of money to boot. 2) Drinking all night long, you are bound to be praying to the porcelain God the next day. Sunday, I had a long drive home and picked up the munchkins to try and spend half of Mother's Day with them. We came home, and Lego Man lost himself in his room playing a new video game. Me, I fell asleep for over 3 hours. Another note to self, don't do this with a little girl in the house. Drama Queen decided to play make-over with me while I slept. Thankfully she took lots of pictures to show me. Nope, I won't be sharing those ones. The topper to the weekend, Sniper called Sunday night. He wanted to wish me a Happy Mother's Day and see how my Tahoe trip went. I told him I took lots of pics to share with him and would be sending them out soon. I came home hung over, but very relaxed. I needed a "All About Me" weekend. I got it and them some. Fortunately I don't do that this often. I know why too, I am way too old for this shit. dyzgoneby A few more pics to laugh at. Some of these we were completely 100% sober. What can I say my family is never boring. If they only knew I posted all these pics I think someone might kick my ass.

Say A Prayer for Sniper

I am asking for prayers here. Not for me, but Sniper. This deployment has already been a long hard one and he is only three and a half months into it. I believe he has a angel that has wrapped his wings around him and protected him. I truly believe God (call the higher power what ever you choose), is looking out for him. But for how long? How many close calls can one have until there is no more? How many times can one cheat death? How many lives can one have? And yes, how many times can one be hit by an IED and survive? I am hoping it gets better soon, but I am not counting on it. Until he is on US soil I will pray for his safety, that God keeps his hands wrapped around him and all of his unit through this deployment. I am holding on to the faith I had forgotten for so long. I am holding on to the faith that God will hold him tight and bring him home to all of us, his family. Tomorrow night after work I am heading up to Lake Tahoe for the weekend. My cousin Mike is getting married. My other cousin Matt (his brother) is home on leave. Yep, he is also in the military as well (Army). Matt is currently stationed in Germany, has a beautiful wife and a baby on the way. Sometime this winter he is heading back to Iraq for the 2nd time. He was there for opening theater. I am going to hold tight to him this weekend. I haven't seen him in over a year and it will be another year and a half until our paths cross again. This weekend I am leaving everything behind me. This deployment, my studying, my house, my kids, all this fucking stress. This weekend is all about me. Yeah, I talk a good game, but I know the deployment will be in my head the whole time. I want to relax. I want to have fun. It's just hard when all I think of is where Sniper is at, what is going on around him. I feel guilty when I am having fun and he is not here enjoying LIFE. Last weekend at the concert, as much fun as I had, I still kept thinking about him and how he should be with us. I looked at other couple's and the ache in my heart increases. This weekend it will be intensified as I watch my cousin get married. As I watch my parents together. As I watch almost everyone around me, as a couple. Me, I will be alone. I am not asking for pity or sorrow for myself. I choose this life, sorta. You can't tell yourself who you will fall in love with. There is no control in who you love. As least there never has been for me. I have always loved Sniper and always will. He will always have my heart. I'm not having a pity party here. Reality has just dealt me another blow. dyzgoneby You know the song by Carrie Underwood "Jesus Take The Wheel?" That about sums up my thinking right about now.

TSA Detains Marine Escorts

Trio escorting body of fallen comrade are stripped of dress blue coats, searched at airport By Gidget FuentesTimes staff writer It wasn't the city of "brotherly love" for a trio of Marine noncommissioned officers escorting the body of a fallen Marine through the Philadelphia airport. Each decked in their blue dress uniforms, the three enlisted Marines made their way through a security checkpoint at the Philadelphia International Airport about noon on May 3 when they were pulled aside by security workers with the federal Transportation Safety Administration. The Marines - a sergeant and two corporals - were escorting the body of Sgt. Lea R. Mills from Dover Air Force Base, Del., to his family in Gulfport, Miss. Mills, who was married and lived in Oceanside with his wife, was killed in Iraq on April 28 by a roadside bomb. He was one of three leathernecks killed that day in Iraq's Anbar province They were brothers-in-arms. Like Mills, the Marine escorts are members of the Camp Pendleton-based 3rd Assault Amphibian Battalion. The trio had to go through the terminal's security in order to reach their flight that would take them to Houston and make sure that Mills' body was properly placed on the airplane. While their uniforms likely would trigger the metal detector, they had figured they would be able to zip through the screening process and get on with their business. "Wearing the blues, the metal detector is going to go off," said Sgt. John Stock, a mechanic, who was accompanied by Cpls. Aaron Bigalk and Jason Schadeburg. Click the title to read more of the article. As I read the article, I am disgusted that these Marine's were treated with total disrespect. You can't tell me TSA knew nothing in advance that a fallen Marine was being accompanied home and could have supplied airline personnel to escort the three Marines to a private area and screened them more discretely and diplomatically. I realize in today's world that there is the necessity to check everyone carefully when you are boarding a plane and I am all for it. I would not be in favor of allowing anyone to just walk right through. However, this is complete bullshit and pisses me off. They deserved derserved more respect then what they received. I hope TSA realizes the mistake they made and rectify the situation so it never happens again. I will like a postive side to this, these Marines carried them selves with integrity, honor, restraint and compliance. This spoke volumes about them individually and the Marine Corp as a whole. Godspeed Sgt. Lea R. Mills. May your family have the strength to get through this difficult time. dyzgoneby

The Marine

We all came together, Both young and old To fight for our freedom, To stand and be bold. In the midst of all evil, We stand our ground, And we protect our country From all terror around. Peace and not war, Is what some people say. But I'll give my life, So you can live the American way. I give you the right To talk of your peace. To stand in your groups, and protest in our streets. But still I fight on, I don't bitch, I don't whine. I'm just one of the people Who is doing your time. I'm harder than nails, Stronger than any machine. I'm the immortal soldier, I'm a U.S. MARINE! So stand in my shoes, And leave from your home. Fight for the people who hate you, With the protests they've shown. Fight for the stranger, Fight for the young. So they all may have, The greatest freedom you've won. Fight for the sick, Fight for the poor Fight for the cripple, Who lives next door. But when your time comes, Do what I've done. For if you stand up for freedom, You'll stand when the fight's done. By: Corporal Aaron M. Gilbert, US Marine Corps USS SAIPAN, PERSIAN GULF dyzgoneby

Brad Paisley

Last night, Josh Turner, Sara Evans and the magnificent Brad Paisley was incredible. We started the afternoon with a nice dinner and then a entertaining drive towards are destination, Stockton, California . We arrived and parked about 20 minutes before the concert started. Unfortunately, my dad and his wife were stuck in traffic and were about 30 minutes behind us. We went inside. I would have taken pictures, but camera's weren't allowed. That in itself was bullshit. I saw several people who had smuggled them in. Next time I will bring a big purse with my camera concealed inside. We headed over to pick-up a few T-shirts. Damn they are expensive. I remember when they were $10 each. Now they are up to $35 each. Ouch. $145 later we each had a shirt with an extra one to send to Sniper and one for Lego Man. This is the one Bubba picked out for himself and Sniper. The one above is the one for Drama Queen and myself. Lego Man's has a pic of Brad on the front . He outta love that. He is not into Country at all, he's all Rap. By the time we were finished in the long line, Josh Turner was already into his 3rd song. We went to find our seats. I was fortunate to score us floor seats right smack in the middle. They were great seats, except for Drama Queen is too short and couldn't see much. She sat on her knees and was able to see until some Big Huge Cowboy with his Huge ass frickin hat sat in front of her. I let her sit on my lap. Josh Turner and Sara Evans did a great job. About this time a member of the crew came by and gave Drama Queen one of Brad's guitar picks and a set of ear plugs. He forewarned her, Brad is extremely loud and boy was he right. The whole arena shook. Brad Paisley kicked ass. We never sat the whole time Brad was on stage and boy am I feeling it today. We all had a great time. One of my coworkers also went. Unfortunately for her, they forgot the tickets at home and had to drive a 2 1/2 hour round trip back to get them. She did make it 10 minutes into Brad's set. Poor thing. On the drive err sitting in the parking garage and major traffic, Bubba & Drama Queen decided to play with my camera. This morning I asked Drama Queen if she had fun. Yep, other than it was really loud and she just about went deaf. She also told me, "Mommy, you were loud and crazy last night. You screamed too much." I told her, "Just wait until Toby Keith in September. Mommy will be beyond nuts." I don't know who is more excited on that one. Drama Queen loves Toby. Her favorite song, "American Soldier." I bet we all could have guess that one. Today, my body is hating me for what I put it through. My voice is hoarse and my feet and legs are killing me. Yep, I took the day off to recuperate. dyzgoneby 320 days until Sniper can enjoy this with us

Tribute Cpl. Christopher W. Belchik

Cpl. Belchik is more than just another name, number or statistic. He was a son, a husband, a friend, a Marine brother and a Marine. He is one of our fallen heroes and one you should know. Thank you Lynn for allowing me to share your tribute with everyone. We will never forget the sacrifices your family and he has made. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family. Please do not let his memory fade and take the time to visit Tribute to Cpl. Chris Belchik and please leave a comment. "People do not die for us immediately, but remain bathed in a sort of aura of life which bears no relation to true immortality but through which they continue to occupy our thoughts in the same way as when they were alive. It is as though they were traveling abroad." ~Marcel Proust dyzgoneby

Time Needs To Stand Still

This weekend is already flying by. I wish time would stand still for just a little while. I picked up my munchkins on Thursday night and am enjoying the time with them. Friday night, we spent the evening with my neighbors. I am already seeing how the summer is going to be, partying every Friday night with them. They have a pool and Drama Queen was able to go swimming the first time this season. Lego Man, has swimmer's ear from his dad's hot tub and has to stay out of the water for a little while. He didn't let that discourage him, he used the water cannons to squirt the rest of the kids in the pool. He had more fun then the others. Two of my neighbors, took Lego Man under there wing and taught him how to play darts with us last night. I was in awe as I watched these two men work with my son. They taught him how to shot darts the correct way, giving him lots of pointers. They both were very kind and patient with him. Lego Man doesn't have very many men in his life who he can look up to as a male figure. His dad doesn't always take the time to do "boy" things with him and it was a wonderful site to see him bonding with men errr boys. My dad is good with him, but he doesn't spend as much time with him since we moved last year. No fault of anyone's, we just live about 45 minutes away and it is harder to see them on the weekends. The only other one he has is Bubba. Lego Man is always asking when Bubba is coming over and begs to have him spend lots of time with us on the weekends. Bubba is a great role model and a great young man to have around him. They both have seem to grow closer this last year. Lego Man looks up to Sniper, but no fault of his he hasn't spent much time with him. Before this deployment he was only around him a few times. However, when he called, he always made sure to talk to Lego Man on the phone. Lego Man enjoys talking to him. The rest of our weekend will be to relax, field day the house, 7 & Sun (me studying for my Series 7 in the sun) and go to a Brad Paisley, Josh Turner and Sara Evans concert Sunday night, Bubba, Drama Queen & I. No, Lego Man isn't going. He doesn't do well in crowds and can't handle the noise. He will spend the evening with some one on one time with his dad. The only other thing we will do is go look for a dart board for our house. It seems we have made a little boy an addict. He wants one for our house now too. He has asked me several times this morning let's go to the store. dyzgoneby off to spend time with my munchkins and search for a dartboard 322 days to go, then again he maybe home on leave at the end of summer

100 Days Down

As of 0815 this morning Sniper has been gone 100 days and way too many more to go. Yes, I am a little weird and have the days down to the minute. I also know the days, weeks and months left to go. A little obsessive if you ask me. The first 6 weeks were extremely hard. Now, it is just a day here and there. I was told it gets easier in someways and my mind couldn't comprehend this. I get it now. Some days and weeks have flown by and others have just dragged. It does seem like forever since the last time I saw him. What keeps me going? The obvious, my love for him. I still hear from other's, I don't know how you do it? You just do. If you love someone that much in your heart, you will do whatever it takes. You don't just cut and run simply because someone is gone for awhile. Being connected in heart to a Military person you have a simple choice, you either accept it or you move on. For me, I accept and am damn proud of him. Does it make a difference that we are not married? Nope, my love is no different. Something else that has kept me going, all the support I have received from all of you, my support boards and writing here. Thank you. My family doesn't understand like all of you do. The Marine and military families I have connected with have been amazing. I look forward to small bench marks. A call from him, our memories of the times we shared and the new ones we will make and getting through these damn tests for us for our future. Again, thank you all for all the support. Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere. dyzgoneby 326 days to go, give or take a few

Studying Here

Today, I spent the majority of the day studying. I don't know how I did this shit in college. It is killing my head. I have a major headache from all the brain power I am having to utilize. I think about finishing this exam and know I have two more behind it. The only thing keeping me going is the end result. Oh shit, it's going to be a very long, boring summer. I have had to relinquish my kids to Jedi until this first exam is over. I only see them now every other weekend. This has been hard on all of us. I miss my kids dearly. Drama Queen has lived with me since she was born and hasn't had to go but a week here and there without seeing me. Even when she spends the weeks with Jedi, I always stop by to spend time with the munchkins. I have been telling her, "Thank you for supporting Mommy in this. I am making a better life for all of us." She understands. She calls me everynight and tells me "Who is going to beat this test?" "Mommy." She has became my personal cheerleader. I love her for it. I have always been a very busy person with a full-time job, being a mom, keeping up with my house and my part-time business. Now I have thrown in the mix spending time with Bubba, writing long letters most nights (some nights he just gets a huge "I Love You" across a piece of paper, more so lately) and shopping for care packages. Then I have added trying to find time to study, it sucks. There are not enough hours in the day. Sniper and I wanted to have something to keep me busy and my mind occupied. Looking at it now, I wouldn't have had that problem. As Sniper always tells me, I keep piling too much on my plate and one of the days it is going to bite me in the ass. He's right. dyzgoneby counting down until September when I can relax a little

Dreams

My phone rang at 0120 last night and it was Sniper. Apparently this was the third time he called. I got the message on the answering machine sweetheart. He wanted to let me know he had just returned from another Mission. This one lasted about 5 days outside the wire. He had let me know before he left that he would be gone for awhile and not to worry if I don't hear from him. We talked for awhile and then we hung up, just when the cobwebs were starting to shake out of my head. It took me about an hour to go back to sleep. Then I had very vivid dreams of him the remainder of the night. I dreamed of him coming home and suprising me, looking like a different man. It was him, but didn't look like him. Completely changed. Over the course of that dream, he became the man I knew. I also dreamed of him rescuing strangers. A child on a bike was hit by a car and him rescuing the child. Very weird. I got out of bed and have been trying to decipher the dreams since. Is it my subconscious telling me what to expect? That he will come home much different from the last time. Still the same man, but not the same. I know he is still trying to deal with the shit in his head from the last one and this time getting hurt. What about him trying to rescue strangers? Children? Is this him trying to rescue the Iraqis? Or something else? I am not sure how to take them, but the first one scares me. I get in my car this morning and every damn song on the radio reminds me of him. At work it was the same thing. I have been very quiet, yes quiet, solemn and crying silent tears today. My mood is just somber. I think part of the reason is, I was ok not hearing from him and knowing he was ok. No news is good news, but when he called to tell me he was back, the stress that should have been relieved was intensified. I was scared to know what shit he went through. No, he doesn't tell me very much. The unspoken words are enough not to ease my fears. Some of the things we discussed last night errr morning haven't sat well with me. I know he is a damn good Marine and takes care of his men first. He is still going out before anyone else. I am proud of him for it. I just worry about him. I worry about all of them.....that's just my nature. UncleJim: You came up in our conversation this morning. He loved your story about the mouthwash. He was laughing his ass off on that one. He had to report to the post office when he got back as one of my packages I sent to him were broken. He was worried. What was in there? How much trouble he was going to get into? Did a bottle of mouthwash break open? Nope it was all good. Just some otterpops that didn't make it. I have been trying to send him my posts and the comments off of here. If anyone would like to share something with him, I will make sure he gets it. dyzgoneby 327 days until I see how much he has changed Sniper, I will always love you with all my heart Standing Proudly beside my US Marine

Our Little Houdini's At It Again.

A little while ago, I am laying on my bed watching a Movie and sorta studying when I see something small and black run out from under my computer armoire. I screamed real loud (I bet my neighbors loved me). I look down and there is this small, black, furry creature staring at me. Damn frickin hamster got out again. The only problem, I am all by myself. No kids to catch that frickin shit head. As I was grabbing my phone to call Jedi to bring the kids home to come catch this thing, my phone rings. Jedi was calling me. I scream into the phone, you need to grab the kids and get over here quick. Shelia is out and someone needs to catch her. He basically told me to fuck off. I begged and pledded. As I was trying to somewhat look for her. Jumping on my bed, climbing on furniture, standing on anything I could. I was able to lock her in the bathroom, but not before we (damn Houdini & I) jumped 5 feet in the air as I scream. Then, guess what? Jedi and the kids showed up to put her back into the cage. It took Lego Man all of 30 seconds to grab her. My little hero for the day. Sniper and I had a conversation awhile back about the two Houdini's that live in my house. He wants them gone before he gets home. I can't do that to my kids. I can see it now, Sniper comes home and they both decide to play Houdini. He wakes up with one of them in our bed. No more Houdini's......... dyzgoneby 327 days to teach the two Houdini's to stay in their cages......