Our Life Is Never Boring

Ok, so yesterday was a bust for studying. I ended up spending the day with Bubba and Porky. Bubba usually comes over on Saturday's to help me with my yard. He mows and I putter in the flower beds. This in reality should only take maybe 45 minutes to an hour, but we end up spending a few hours screwing around in the yard and house. Plus I always feed the boys. I can't let two growing teenagers go hungry, can I. But damn, those two could easily eat me out of house and home. Then you add my own two, I need to take out a loan just to feed us all. Last week, my car decided it needed some maintenance: brakes, rotors, oil change (major oil leak thanks to Jiffy Lube and this is another long story), spark plugs, wind shield wipers. The usual (one more to add to my list of financial stress). So, yesterday after yard work and a shower for me, we head over to Bubba's uncles house. He was to finish up with just changing the plugs. I would think it wouldn't take very long, but nope, whomever designed the engine for a Saturn made it very hard to replace (it's a V-6 and for a Saturn it does haul ass). You have to take apart too much shit, just to get to the plugs. It took him over 3 hours. That was ok, the boys and I decided to play with J's toys while we were waiting. Bubba giving Porky instructions. Like father, like son. Do you see a resemblance? Bubba being the ham he is. Damn if he doesn't look just like his dad. Porky Do you see anything wrong with this picture? Notice the heels... Afterwards, we headed over to buy me a new table and umbrella for the back patio. With the weather finally playing nice, I wanted to be able to spend the evenings and weekends outside studying. Besides, in the evenings it would be nice to eat dinner outside. The boys helped me put the table together. While I was finishing up, I look over and this is what I see. Damn if boys aren't creative. He took the box the table came in and had some fun with it. Then I get a big bug up my ass and decide we need to take pictures for Sniper. Let me back up a little. I have always taken a shit load of pictures. I try not to let much go by without capturing our life. The kids and I love to review our scrapbooks and relive all the moments we have shared. However, since Sniper left, I have taken 100's more pictures than I ever did. I want to capture it all and send it to him. I also make sure I capture a few pics of Bubba and I together every weekend. I have taken some really good pictures for his dad. Sniper loves all the pictures I have been sending. Do you see where we took these pictures? ON MY ROOF. Oh shit. I don't know what Sniper will think about this one. I am hoping he will laugh his ass off. It was pretty funny. We climbed out my bedroom window. For someone, me, who is afraid of heights, it was a feat just getting me up there. But damn if I wasn't laughing my ass off. What you can't see is I am standing on my tip toes just to see over the flags. I am not very tall, 5' 3". I just have to remember to hide the pictures when my kids come home. If they ever try anything like this, I will have to knock the hell out of them. All and all it was a fantastic day. I know I didn't study, but it sure was fun. We did get a lot accomplished around the house. I can't wait until this becomes a normal part of our routine. Our life will never be boring between all our kids. I will leave you with one more picture. Shhhhh, don't tell Sniper. I wasn't supposed to put any pictures up of me, but I just couldn't resist these pictures. Please play nice, I am tired of getting my ass reamed from Iraq, via the phone. I am still hearing it about the alarm..... dyzgoneby 328 days until we can all play goofy together

Life Throws Another Curve Ball

As I look back on the last year, I realize everytime that life throws another shitty curve ball, subsequently another comes right behind it with a positive spin. I posted here and here regarding negatives turning into positives since Sniper and I rekindled our relationship. A Prime example was Christmas Eve. I was planning on spending the evening alone and I was very depressed. Sniper surprised me and showed up at my house at zero dark thirty to spend a few hours with me. Something positive always overcomes the negatives. Why am I telling you all this? Well life has thrown another positive spin. Monday, I was bitching a moaning of how financially things kinda suck right now. Studying is stressing me out. yada, yada, yada...... Today, Gunny and I had lunch together and were talking about, where I want my career to go? Where Sniper and I will be next year? Am I planning on moving to San Diego? What is Sniper planning with the Marine Corp when he returns? Is Sniper planning on Recruiting Duty? Where we both want to go in life? My ultimate goal has always been to become a Broker/Financial Advisor. Being a single parent with two kids, I knew I couldn't put my heart and soul into it until they were older. I couldn't give 110% of myself. I figured I would have to wait another 5 plus years. I have been in the business 10 years and have seen many people fail because they couldn't put into what truly needs to be put into it. Sniper's goals are a little different, but we have talked at length at me eventually being his "Sugar Momma." This is something I would love to do for us and our family. I love to be the provider. That is just me. This is something else that Sniper and I disagree on at times. He likes to be the provider, he is the Man. He is a little old fashion in that sense, but again he thinks me being a "Sugar Momma" would be great....a little digressing here. With this new firm, I know the potential is there and I wouldn't have to wait as long as I had planned. Gunny and I talked for a long time. I am being given the opportunity to switch sides and partner up with him as soon as my licenses are complete (sometime in September/October). He will take me under his wing and let me do what I need to do to accomplish my goals. I will be able to be a mom, a girlfriend, a fiance and ultimately (with God's grace) a wife, and a Advisor. All I need to do is pass these tests. I can do this. I can work my ass off on the weeks I don't have the kids. On the weeks I do have them, be a mom. I would still work, just make my own hours. I have what it takes. I am great at sales. Remember, I am a Creative Memories Consultant. I can and do sell and am great at it. Why? I am passionate at what I believe in. I am very outgoing and a people person. The money, yes folks it all boils down to money at times, is obscene. Absolutely, grotesquely, outlandishly absurd. The amount of money we see other's making is beyond belief. At the other firm the opportunity never would have existed for either of us. This opportunity will give Sniper, our children and I, a life one can only dream about. This opportunity will give him a chance to do whatever he wants to and that includes not working if he doesn't want to. He will have a choice of when he wants to retire from the Marine Corps. We all know the military doesn't pay shit and he isn't in it for the money. He does it because it is something he believes in. Now, we all know that he will never sit idle for very long and I can't see him being a "house husband." That's just not his style, but he can take his time deciding what he wants to do. The hardest part to all of this, NOT BEING ABLE TO TALK IT OVER WITH SNIPER. I can't just pick up the phone and call him. I can't let him know what the hell is going on. We can't make this decision together. I have to make this decision somewhat on my own. I know it is ultimately my decision, but we have been talking a lot about our future and what we need to accomplish our plans. We discussed this at great lengths leading up to his deployment. The only time we talk much about it now, is when I get my ass reamed from him for not studying and "fucking with our future" (his words) when he calls. So there is the "Positive Spin" to the Curve Ball I was thrown today. dyzgoneby 330 days until we can have a conversation at anytime and make a decision together, instead of waiting for a phone call to let the other know what is going on

Blowing Some Steam

This is only Tuesday and the week has already been hell. Work........I am so slammed I can't even see straight. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but I can't get out from under the piles of frickin' paperwork. Uugggh. Studying....I wanted to have a chance to study a little at work, considering the exam is work related, but that has been close to impossible. I was able to study about an hour today. That was the first in 4 days. At this rate, I am going to have to pull some long nights at home. Yes, the material is stressing me out. That shit is hard, very hard. Finances........My ex-husband, Jedi, lost his job. Shit happens, but now I have to kick in the benefits for our kids. I have never had to pay for them and they are pretty frickin expensive. My kids and I do ok on my salary, but when things get thrown in that I don't plan for, it gets a little rough. I make a decent wage, but Jedi and I had decided a long time ago that I won't take child support from him. As long as I could support us (and I have) I will not have him pay child support. He has a family to raise as well as I....I'm digressing here. Well, with gas prices the way they are and driving 80 miles round trip 5 times a week, it gets expensive. Money has been getting a little tight. Now, paying for benefits is going to hurt. Remember, my son is Bi-Polar and the cost of his doctors visits and meds can add up quick (especially with my so-so benefits). Then you add my ever growing care packages to Sniper. That is something I won't give up. Sometimes I think they mean more to me than to him. I know he enjoys what I send, but the love I put into them mean a lot to me to send them to him. I have a great satisfaction thinking about him receiving a little touch of home in each box. Speaking of, I sent another 3 off today. So financially a little stressed right now. Sniper......Besides the normal stress of having him deployed and where he is at, I spoke with him and he will be out of touch for awhile. He is extremely busy and it will be hard for awhile to communicate. Well he has a job to do....kick some Iraqi Ass. So, after work tonight the stress was at the point where my head was starting to hurt. I decided I needed a stressor reliever. So instead of studying, I went out to the shooting range. Oh man did it feel great to blow some steam. I spent a couple hours there and came out very relaxed. Most woman would rather settle for a nice hot bubble bath and a glass a wine. Me, I would rather shoot something. I picked up this hobby since Sniper left and I am having a blast with it. There is a couple guys who were in the Marine Corps awhile back that work there and they have been giving me pointers. Boy do I need them, but it sure was fun to point that damn gun and fire. Next time I will have to get pictures of my targets to show ya' all how well I am doing. dyzgoneby

A Glimpse at Sniper

Recently a friend of mine sent me a link of a news report on where are Marines were at in the not so distant past. My computer hadn't been cooperating and I couldn't see if Sniper was in it. I have been trying for a few days and yesterday the computer decided to play nice. Apparently, last week CNN had a reporter that happened to be in the same area as Sniper, Ramadi. We caught a 3 second glimpse and another 2 second glimpse on the video. Way cool. It was on the news this last week and in the milblogs, but I didn't put 2 and 2 together. Duh.....I guess my brain hasn't been working right. If you would like to check out the video it's at CNN here. Look for the video "Major Battle in Ramadi." It was nice to be able to catch that glimpse, but the reality of where he is at is unequivocally wearisome to grasp . To actually catch a peak at what he was doing and put it all into perspective is a little hard to endure to say the least. As I am typing this, he called tonight to check-in. It's was glorious to hear his voice. I told him about the video and he as usual knows nothing about it. One more to add to my ever growing collection of his life over there to save for him at a later time. We talked for a few and then Sniper gave me another list of items he needs. At the top would be a pair of running shoes. Apparently someone else needed them way more than he. So off tomorrow I will be shopping for them and the page long list of items he needs. These are necessity items he can't get at the PX that I will have to ship out ASAP. I thought it would have been cheaper with him gone for the year, boy was I wrong. I am going broke for necessity errr care packages. Don't worry I am not complaining. I would go to hell and back for that man. Then again, I think we are both in hell right now and just waiting for the return trip. Dyzgoneby 334 days until I have money again

Missing Sniper

Just me whining here. It's 0212 and I sit here another night not being able to sleep. My mind wanders on where Sniper is at. What he is doing? How safe he is? Is he warm? How adjacent to danger has he come again? I have a pretty good idea and that doesn't help. I know these feelings are perfectly normal for the families left at home. They are very close in my mind. They don't stay at bay very long. No matter how hard I try to stay busy. There is always down time. Whether it's a few minutes during the day or when I lay my head down at night to sleep. I really believe sometimes it is harder for the wives / fiances / girlfriends left behind. It's just a different emptiness than for a parent or family member. We are the ones who don't have our soul mate to console when the nights are long. We are the ones who don't have the other partner at home to talk to. Relent and relinquish our thoughts, feelings, emotions, anxiety, apprehension and reservations with. We are the ones who don't have are significant other to just hold onto or hug. Family and friends are great to help get you through, but there are somethings that they just can't help you with. It's not the same. It's been a while since I have had a night like this. Most of my days and nights are just flying by. Then there are some nights like tonight. I miss picking up the phone and calling him. I miss staying up all night talking with him and realizing it is 0530 and we haven't been to bed yet. I miss cuddling with him when we sleep. The bed is awfully empty. I miss his smile, pictures don't provide the justice. I miss his laugh, it's not the same over the phone. I miss his jokes. I miss him dancing with me. I miss the goofy stuff we do together. I miss his smell. I miss his touch. I miss just the sight of him. Oh Hell, I just Miss him period. We have hit the 3 month mark in this deployment with so many more months to go. I am not getting discouraged. Some night's are just harder than other's. Dyzgoneby Proudly Standing By My US Marine Sniper, I Love You With All My Heart

Right Here Is Where I Belong

First things first, I started here on this blog and this is the one I have decided to keep up and running. For the last few weeks I have been living under "Living My Dream In The USA," but here is where I belong. I started writing on this blog when Sniper or D, which ever I choose to use, and I found out he was leaving to return to the sandbox. This has been my rants, raves, whines, bitches, moans and all the positives in my life and in our life. I have simply expressed my point of view on the take from this side of the pond. This has been my outlet and my feelings alone. I started this anonymously and had hoped to stay that way. Simply I am not a anonymous person anymore. Will that change how I write? I hope not. I am going to try and not hold anything back on here. So for those of you that know me, please forgive me if I say something you don't like. Also, if you see it here before you heard from him, I am sorry. But this is my place to vent and I enjoy sharing it with the wonderfully inspirational people I have met via this blog. A few weeks ago, I decided I needed to change because of one person. I am not going to get into it now and you won't hear about it again, but I didn't want to play a game. I am not going to change. I am who I am. I have simply chosen not to play the game and continue on my life as how I live it. I know she has found the other one, so instead of playing "Cat and Mouse" or "Hide and Seak" I am going to relent and just stay here. Sniper and I discussed it the other day and he really didn't want me to take this one down. He truly enjoys all the support we get from here. He also knows how much I like to write about what goes on in my world and his, through my eyes. He expressed to me and knows how much this one means to me. He told me, "You are Dyz and that is who you are." The title and quote really does sum up who I am. Well sweetheart, you have your wish. I am home and staying right here. I can't wait to tell him. To Heather: I am staying here. I am sorry things have worked out the way they did. I also am sorry I said some not so nice things about you. You see, I was angry. We both now how that feels at times and say things that we regret later. I don't know you and you don't know me. Let's just put it behind us. I sincerely meant what I said, when I told you I would like for us to be able to put the past behind us and move on. With one day all of us sitting around having a good conversation, no facades. We both have one thing in common, we both want Sniper to come home to his family. I will take the rest of this off here and send you a email. I hope you choose to respond. To Everyone Else: I am sorry I have taken you on this ride with me. I said it was going to be a Helluva Rollercoaster Ride while he is gone and it has been. Thanks for putting up with all my Bullshit. *I am also in the process of moving over the posts from the other blog. Dyzgoneby I am Right Here Where I Belong, Home

Honor The Fallen

An anonymous person posted this "Don't Let the Memory of them Drift Away" on my comment section here. Please take a moment to stop by and read them. Make sure you read about the person who provided us with the wonderful tribute. We will never forget. Thank you to the person that provided me with the Link. Dyzgoneby

Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are

I know you are watching. I know this. Don't worry I am not shutting this one down. If you want a peak at his world or what to know something, just ask. I will tell you. I will let it all hang out on this one and won't hold anything back. From the bottom of my heart, all I ask is please don't use it against him. I was sincere when I said hopefully one day we can all sit down together. SiteMeter is wonderful. I even have your IP Address. Dyzgoneby

A Little About Sniper

For those of you who followed me over from my Old Blog, the nickname I used for D on the other blog "Sniper", well he isn't a true "Sniper." If memory serves me correctly, he somehow earned the call sign the last time he was there and it has stuck with him ever since. However, he shoots extremely accurate. I wouldn't want to be on the other end of his scope. I wanted to let those of you in on what Sniper's MOS is. He has been an MP for the last 14 years in the Marine Corps and is a Career Marine. Can you say 6 more years until retirement. However, with this deployment he didn't deploy with the same Unit he was with for OIF II. He ended up with another one. Prior to this deployment he was supposed to be getting orders for Recruiting Duty. Now that will have to wait until he comes home. Another fun ride..... His deployment orders came about 6 weeks before he left. Not a lot of time to prepare, but he has done this before. He has been deployed to Iraq once before (10 months) and to Somalia twice in the early 90's. This is nothing new to him being in Iraq, but it is very new to me being on this side of it with him. He is assigned to the 1st MLG HQ Co, BSSG 1 (changes to CLR 17 June 2006) . Currently he is serving in the Al Anbar Province Area and is doing Security Patrol for one of the bigger bases. With that being said, there is talk of disbanning the unit soon. There are a few options that are available and we are not sure which direction he will be headed for. Option 1) EOD Security. This is one of my least favorite, but it's what he is made of. Option 2) Connecting up with another MP Unit. This is his least favorite. Why? He would be actually be spending a majority of the time on the Base. Option 3) Can't remember, but very similar to what he is doing now. Option 4) Coming home a lot earlier than expected. He is on a double rotation, 12 to 14 months instead of the usual 7 months. This is the one option I won't believe until I see it. He made a promise that he won't come home until every last of his Marines he deployed with are home. He wants to dismiss them. Until then, he will continue on with the missions. He spends a lot of time outside of the wire and it scares the shit out of me, but I have faith in him. In him as a Marine and him as a person. Dyzgoneby

Look What I Found

Yesterday when Sniper called he put me on a mission. I am to try and hunt down some photos that were taken a few weeks ago when he was awarded his Purple Heart. The General made a huge deal out of it and there was photographers and press there. See, Sniper was the first Marine to be WIA since the name change to 1st MLG. What an honor. Yes, I am being sarcastic and his feelings are the same as mine. You can read about it here and my reaction to the video here. I have been searching everywhere I can think of and I came across this photo this morning. Sniper is the one on the left holding the US Flag. Way cool. I talked to him again today and asked him about the photo I found. Needless to say, he knew nothing about it. Hmmmm....Well I am sending him a copy of it. He just wanted a status update on my mission. Not complete sir. I am working on it, but that photo is way cool. I feel very fortunate and lucky to talk to him as often as I do. I take nothing for granted. Today's call will be the last for awhile. Dyzgoneby Stay Safe Sniper and Watch Your Ass. I love you. **Update - I am still trying to confirm this is Sniper.

Happy Last Day of Tax Season

Being in the brokerage profession, I always become very frustrated with those people (you know who you are) who wait for the last minute to file their taxes. The one's who call the last day and want to know what there cost basis was from the prior year, open an IRA account or want to make a contribution for the prior year at 1700 (after I am off). These same people always become very irritated when you can't get them the information they want. Let me tell you people, don't file your taxes at the very last minute........ Now, I can tell you...I...waited...until...the...last...minute. What a dumb ass! I had already prepared them over two months ago, but I ran out of ink and couldn't print them out. I dragged my sorry ass waiting to go buy ink. I have sat here for the last few hours trying to make my printer work and install a new ink cartridge. I can format a blog, but I can't install a simple ink cartridge. I did all of this before I got online. Then I couldn't figure out my password (I have way to many) and become locked out 3 times. An hour later I got on and pushed the damn button to send them. Then, I printed out the forms. I read the instructions and what does it say YOU DON'T NEED TO MAIL THEM IN. UUUGGGHHH!!!! I really need to change my moto "Put off today, what you can do tomorrow" to "Accomplish your shit today, so you don't have to stress tomorrow." One of these days this is going to bite me in the ass. Dyzgoneby

I'm Still Here

Just to let everyone know, I am still here. I have been checking my sitemeter daily and it's seems a certain someone can't find me again. If that is the case, I will post the link to my new blog soon. I do have it up and running. I couldn't just drop off of the blogsphere. If you are interested, shoot me a email or leave me your email address and I will reply with the new url. dyzgoneby

Easter Day

Last night I received a call from Sniper's mom. She called to check up on me and see how my studying was going.....well, it wasn't. I played lazy all day and watched movies. She also wanted to invite me over to her house of Easter dinner. We talked for awhile and I let her know I would be there. A little while later Sniper called. It was great to hear his voice. I don't hear from him on the weekends and it was a surprise. He wanted to let me know he received my Easter Box, along with the other two. A Box packed full of movies and everything to go with it. The last one, was his shoes he had been asking for, for the last month and his bright red sheets. I was happy he got them, I just mailed them a week and a half ago. We talked for just a few minutes and then duty called. I was happy to hear from him. It made my weekend. I spent a wonderful afternoon today with Sniper's family. When I showed up at the house, I had to stop and just stare at his truck. I know he is so far away, yet he feels so close. I sat there for a few minutes and had a conversation with his truck. I know, pretty pathetic, but what can I say I miss him. As I sat back and watched his family interact, my insides were breaking. There were no tears on the outside, just on the inside. I was missing him so much and missing not having him to share this day with his family was hard. I took lots of pictures to show him what he missed. A lot of his family is pretty shy around the camera, but they all knew Sniper would be getting the pictures. Then again, these characters don't seem to shy around the camera. Oh yah, I did get a few hours of studying this morning. All I can say is that shit is hard. It's going to be a long few months. Dyzgoneby

Easter Weekend

First and foremost I would like to wish everyone a Happy Easter!!! Now as to my weekend plans and what will probably happen for me. This weekend I had/have plans to study for my Series 7 Exam. I was off early from work yesterday and had planned to spend it picking up the house (notice I didn't say clean) and studying for the remainder of the day. Well, on my way home from work Bubba called me. Him and his buddy "Porky" (I didn't pick this for him, his friends call him this) wanted to hang out with me for the afternoon and evening with me. Done. There goes my plans for the day. We had a great time. These boys are great kids. Both there parent's should be proud of them. Bubba and I are getting closer as we progress through this deployment. Him and I have this bond growing. He is the spittin image of his dad, all the way down to his mannerism. It's kinda scary, I met Sniper when he was just a few years older than his son is now. We both can talk to each other about how we are feeling. I do hold a lot back though, he is almost 16 and I can't tell him everything. But for him, he doesn't have to worry about how I will precieve him. He can relinquish the barriers with me. Tell me his feelings, he can vent, and he can ask me questions about his dad and the missions his dad has been going on. Again, I can't tell him too much, he doesn't need to worry. There are some things I will have to just hold in. I keep him as close as I can and call him a few times during the week to check on him. Weekends, we try and spend at least one day together. I am not his mom and never will be. I just want to be a good friend to him. 15 years ago, the first time Sniper and I were together (you can read the story of us here), Bubba was only 8 months old. I fell in love with that little boy, as if he were my own. Sniper and I did a lot together with Bubba. It was interesting being 20 and going on a date with a baby, but we always had fun. It was hearting breaking when Sniper and I didn't make it through together, not just for us, but Bubba as well. Now, years later, I find myself wanting to wrap my arms around him again, as if he were my own son. It's a tough line, one that I can not cross. It's not because I don't want to, it's just I did not raise him, Sniper's mom has. I have not been there with him growing up. I hope this makes sense. .....I am digressing a little on my weekend plans here. The rest of the weekend I plan on studying, but so far I haven't even cracked open the book. It's not for a lack of not wanting to, but my mind wander's. I would rather sit in front of this computer and search for anything I can to bring me closer to Sniper. It's hard when no one is home, I am completely by myself this weekend. No kids (they are with Jedi for the week), my family is out of town (Bodega Bay, this is a Easter tradition), and Sniper is in Iraq. I can't blame anyone else, I did it to myself. I choose this for myself. I put in my head I want to be alone so I can study. I tell everyone I have plans. Then I sit here and do nothing. I am going to have to force myself on weekends like this to keep going, study. It's harder knowing it is a Holiday weekend and it's all about family and my family is not here. These days I am not as emotional as I once was a few months ago. I have found though that I am more quiet than before. Me quiet....yeah right! I am wish our Marines and Military a Happy Easter and their families as well! Dyzgeonby

DoD Identifies Missing Marine and Sailor

The Department of Defense announced today the death of a Marine who was supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. Lance Cpl. Eric A. Palmisano, 27, of Florence, Wis., died April 2, after the truck he was riding in rolled over in a flash flood near Al Asad, Iraq. The incident also resulted in the death of six other Marines and a Navy petty officer. Palmisano was listed as Duty Status - Whereabouts Unknown until his body was recovered April 11. He was assigned to 1st Transportation Support Battalion, 1st Marine Logistics Group, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif. Petty Officer 3rd Class Marcques J. Nettles, 22, of Beaverton, Ore. is still listed as Duty Status - Whereabouts Unknown as a result of the incident and search efforts continue. I have been waiting to update everyone and had to wait until the information had been released. I posted the DoD releases here and here. My heart goes out to LCpl Eric Palmisano's family. I had kept my candle burning in the hopes that Eric would be found alive. I am truly sorry for your loss of your fallen hero. My heartfelt thoughts and prayers are going out to your family. My words cannot adequately express my sincerest sympathy to you. He is now standing guard at Heaven's Gate. "People do not die for us immediately, but remain bathed in a sort of aura of life which bears no relation to true immortality but through which they continue to occupy our thoughts in the same way as when they were alive. It is as though they were traveling abroad." ~Marcel Proust Dyzgoneby I am keeping my candle burning until Petty Officer 3rd Class Marcques Nettles in the hope he is returned safely home.

Long Night

Last night, I was just between being awake and dream world. You know the spot, when your body loves to at the right moment have a spasm and you wake-up. Right at that precise moment my phone rings. It's late, who the hell is calling me at this ungodly hour, 2256 to be exact. I look down and it's D. What the hell? Since boots on the ground, he has never called me at night (other than once from Kuwait). This is a first. He just wanted to say hi and let me know he finally was able to talk to Bubba. He has been trying all week since Bubba is on Spring Break.I really didn't expect D to call me for awhile. I figured I probably said something in my post over here that pissed him off. Nope, he isn't mad and he understands why I wrote what I did. You are probably wondering why I am telling you this. He asked me not to take my Blog down. He knows how much it means to me and he enjoys reading what I send to him. For those who don't know, he is not computer savy and couldn't find it if he wanted to. I try to copy some of my posts and comments and send it to him via motomail.com. He only asks that I be careful with what I write, just in case. I told him no worries, I have another one that I can write what ever I want and can still remain somewhat anonymously. While we were talking I heard a crash from the bathroom. Damn hamsters are making to much noise. One of these days I am going to tape there wheels down. I told him about some of the wonderful emails I received from "My Last Post." His reply to all of you "Thank you very much for supporting us." We only talked for a few minutes and then it was off to bed for me. I had a hard time going to sleep after that. Finally sleep came. Then at 0115, "MOM!" Yes. "MOM!!" Yes, as I am still trying to figure out which kid is calling me. "MOM!!!! Scruffy is out of his cage." With this I flew out of bed, what the hell. It seems my daughter's little Houdini was in my son's closet. We spent the next 30 minutes chasing that damn thing. Lego Man kept telling me he wanted to go back to bed, as he's crying. "Hell No, you need to put him back in his cage." I refuse to pick it up. It took us another 15 minutes for him to catch him. That little shit. It seems, "Scruffy" our little Houdini, had climbed up on my son's bed and ran across his head. That is what woke him up. By now I am laughing at it. My son was crying. It was funny. Yeah I know, it's really wasn't to hard for Scruffy to climb into my son's bed with all that mess around it, but he started out in the bathroom. Now you understand why I call him Houdini. My son's bed is about 3 feet off the ground. Damn hamster. I am waiting for the day I wake up looking at his face. Dyzgoneby

My Daughter, The Spawn of Satan

Do you ever wonder why god created children? Nights like the last few, I think they were created to torture us as parent's. Maybe it's someone's way of getting back at all the hell I put my mom through. It started a few days ago, but I will only go back as far as last night. My wonderful, sweet, charming, little shit has become the evil spawn of satan, with mouth on her from hell. She is 10, thinking she is going on 16. If this is anything like the teenage years, just shoot me now. Please? Last night she wanted me to take her to get her ears pierced (this would be the 4th time we have done them, another long post on that one), I told her no, she needs to learn to respect me. She start's to get a little sassy with me. A little while later she calls me on the intercom and asks again. Same response from me and then she hangs up on me.....little shit. By now I am getting a little perturbed with her. She comes up to my room and starts giving me grief. She wanted to watch something on TV in my room. "No, I am watching TV." "Mom, you can just go downstairs and watch it." "No, this is my room." She argued with me for a few minutes, until she realized she was arguing with herself. She runs in her room and slams the door. That's it. I told her she had exactly 2 seconds to get in the shower and go to bed. She runs into the bathroom and slam goes the bathroom door. Now I am seeing red. I, in my most calm as can be, pissed off voice, tell her to open and close the bathroom door 20 times and to count off while she is doing this. She argues with me over it. "Ok, now 25." Still more arguing. "Now 30, count off." I hear "one" then "two" then nothing. I can't hear you, start over. "One.....two.....three...." as she is getting quieter. "Start over. I can't hear you, count off." Through these huge, gigantic sobs, I hear "One, two, three." This went on for over 45 minutes. That little hellion is very obstinate. Finally she gets in the shower. We argue some more over the next 15 minutes as I try to get her to go to bed. I follow her into her room and it looked like a tornado had past through there. I told her to climb in. "But mom, I can't sleep in here. It's a mess and I can't find my bed." "Not my problem, get into bed." Here we go again with the smart ass mouth. It's my fault her room is a mess and I won't clean it for her. Tough shit little one, I am not a maid....... A few minutes later, I see her walking past my bedroom with a bag full of clothes in hand. She's leaving to find a mommy that is nice. "Good, I will drive you myself. Now, get your ass in bed." "You are not a nice mommy. I want a new one." My response, "You are not a nice daughter. Can I have a new one too?" Needless to say she cried her self to sleep, while this mean mom laughed her ass off. Tonight, nothing changed in her attitude. I told my mom what happened today and she did what I expected, "Welcome to my World" as she was laughing..... God, help me. The teenage years are coming. Dyzgoneby

To Sniper's Ex-Wife, Heather & Probably My Last Post

To Everyone else: I am sorry you have to endure what I am writing here. I have somethings that I need to say and get off my chest. Unfortunately for me, I am not anonymous anymore. Several family members and friends know who I am. They, I do not mind and truly enjoy having them read this side of my world and a look into Sniper's world through my eyes. However, there is someone who makes it very hard for me to post what truly goes on in my world. It's hard to express to you, my life, under a watchful eye, waiting to use what I say will be used against someone else. I am to the point where I will be taking down my blog soon. If choose to start another one up, email me and I will let you in, those who I choose to let see into my world. I am sorry this has to end this way, especially for me. This has been a wonderful support and outlet on my journey with Sniper on our lives together. I personally thank you each and every one of you, for all the support everyone has given to me and especially to Sniper. We both really appreciate it. To Heather: I am not sitting here and judging you, just like I ask you to not judge me. You don't know anything about me, who I am as a person or woman. I spoke with Sniper today, yes again today. See they were under a River City 1, as they have been more than not the last few weeks. If you don't know what that is, it is when a Military Member has been KIA (Killed In Action) or WIA (Wounded in Action) and all communication stops for 3 days. This morning, the River City 1 was lifted again. It was placed on, right after our last call on Friday. Just as a reminder, he is in a war zone. This is not a game with him sitting at home on a comfy couch, drinking a coke. Some clarification as to my communication from Sniper. Yes, I hear from Sniper more than most. It is not for a lack of trying on his part. He calls during the day, our time. Most people are either at work, school or choose not to answer their phone. He gives up his sleep to call home, but most of the time he seems to get the answering machine. See I am one of the last ones he calls, I am one of the last on his list. It's not because he doesn't love me, just others need to hear from him way more than I do, his children and his parent's. This I understand. I expect nothing less from him. We both know where his heart lies and that's all that matters. He knows, no matter what, I will answer the phone when he calls me . Sometimes though, it is just me he needs to talk to, but that is between him and I. Yes, he does tell me everything. He even told me this morning about his motomail from you. He has never hidden anything from me. Whether it is good, bad or indifferent, I know it all. We have always had that type of communication. You see, first and foremost he is my friend, my bestfriend. As friends we share are life experiences together and value each other's conjecture on life. Secondly, he is my companion, confidante, my kindred soul and I his. Let me reiterate, he told me about your motomail. I know everything that has transpired between you two, over the years. Even this year, when he was at your house, to visit his boys on his pre-deployment leave. All those years ago, 11 to be exact, I will tell you nothing happened in 1995. He took his wedding vows seriously, we both did. Marriage is sacred between two people who love each other. Both of us took our wedding vows very serious, not like you. Remember he tells me everything, I know what happened. All of it. And yes, I do know he loved you. Did being the operative word here, you both share a bond, two children together. That is all now, with nothing in between. We had a wonderful memorable day that day. Why? We talked, nothing more, nothing less. There where other people in the house that day, my 1 1/2 year old son, a few friends and I being 4 months pregnant with my, at the time, husbands baby. Even if nobody was there, which there was, nothing would have happened. He wanted to make your marriage work (we both know how that turned out). The one thing we have always had between us is great communication. We could talk about anything, be honest with the other and ask for a impartial opinion of the other. Even on our marriages, your marriage, he was committed to you, but that is hindsight now. I do not have to justify and/or rationalize Sniper's or my actions from that day, 11 years ago, but I will not sit back and let you slander or misconstrue anything that went on either. I will not sit idle. With that being said, I will not allow myself to be put in the middle or used as a pond in a chess game. This isn't about you or me, it should be only about the boys you two share. Nothing more, nothing less. You are re-married now and have been for a long time. I hope you and your husband have a wonderful, happy, long marriage together. I also hope someday all of us can all sit down, after he is home, and have a friendly conversation. One, where no one is putting on a facade. I sincerely mean that. The past is the past and it is time to move on. I ask a few things of you: First, please do not mention anything to the boys. That should be done on Sniper's own time and own way, not yours. There is reasons he has waited to tell them. Secondly, I ask for you to let him do his job, concentrate on what he needs to do, so he can come home in one piece. To all of us, all of his family and three boys. Life is too short and you have seen it with your own eyes how very close he has come. The choice is up to you. The Ball is now in your court.....not in mine. I have removed myself from this game you are trying to play. No, I have not left his side. I will never falter, he is my one true love and I his. Semper Fi, God Bless the USA and our Troops! Proudly Standing By My US Marine dyzgoneby

Please Lite A Candle

I would like to ask that you please join me in lighting a candle for Lance Cpl. Eric A. Palmisano and Petty Officer 3rd Class Marcques J. Nettles. A Marine and Sailor that remain in missing status from an incident in Iraq last week. I will keep my candle lit until both are found. Whether you light the candle at home or in your house of worship. Please help me tell these two families, in our own quiet way, that they are in our thoughts and prayers until LCpl Palmisano and Petty Officer 3rd Class Nettles are found. LCpl Palmisano's mom and I belong to the same Support Forum. No. 284-06 IMMEDIATE RELEASE Apr 06, 2006 Media Contact: (703)697-5131 Public/Industry(703)428-0711 DoD Identifies Marine and Sailor Casualties The Department of Defense announced today the identity of a Marine and a sailor supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom, who have been listed as Duty Status- Whereabouts Unknown (DUSTWUN) after the seven-ton truck in which they were riding rolled over in a flash flood near Al Asad, Iraq on April 2. The incident was not a result of enemy action. Lance Cpl. Eric A. Palmisano, 27, of Florence, Wis., is assigned to the 1st Transportation Support Battalion, 1st Marine Logistics Group, I MarineExpeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif. Petty Officer 3rd Class Marcques J. Nettles, 22, of Beaverton, Ore., isassigned to Force Service Regiment 1 Fleet Marine Forces Pacific. All available resources are being used to search for the Marine and sailor. Information concerning the six Marines killed in this incident was posted here at the Department of Defense. Semper Fi! dyzgoneby

Definitions

Hero A man who is endowed with great courage and strength, and celebrated for his bold exploits; a person noted for feats of courage or nobility of purpose, especially one who has risked or sacrificed his or her life; a person noted for special achievement in a particular field; an illustrious warrior; an object of extreme admiration and devotion. Honor High respect, as that shown for special merit, esteem; A source or cause of credit; Glory or recognition; A mark, token, or gesture of respect or distinction; Principled uprightness of character, personal integrity; A code of integrity, dignity, and pride. Courage The state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear, or vicissitudes with self-possession, confidence, and resolution; bravery; mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty. Courage implies firmness of mind and will in the face of danger or extreme difficulty. Sacrifice An act of offering to a deity something precious; destruction or surrender of something for the sake of something else; the act of losing or surrendering something; a loss entailed by giving up or selling something at less than its value; endure the loss of; something given up or lost. Sacrifice of oneself or one's interest for others or for a cause or ideal. Commitment The trait of sincere and steadfast fixity of purpose; the act of binding yourself (intellectually or emotionally) to a course of action; something pledged; the state or an instance of being obligated or emotionally impelled. No, I have gone over the edge or completely insane. I think some American People need to understand what the definition is. Each one of these you will find in our Military Men and Women. Whether they are here in the states, sitting behind a desk. In another country, on the battlefield and shedding there own blood fighting for our freedom and others. Or the ultimate sacrifice are fallen have given. I started thinking about this today after my call with Sniper. Yes, I heard from him and it was great to hear his voice. He only seems to be able to call in the (my time) morning or early afternoons. Most of his family is at work or school, so I seem to talk to him a little more. He also is giving up his sleep to call, but that's another story and I am getting off track. We started talking about hero's. It seems a few Army men he is with, have put in for a Bronze Star for him. He has told anyone that will listen, he doesn't want it. It should be sacred for those who are true hero's and have shed there blood. "He is a Marine just doing his JOB" is what he tells me. This is the same reaction he had, when they presented his Purple Heart to him a few weeks ago. He tried to tell everyone, he doesn't want it. Well the General made a huge deal out of it. He was the first Marine to be WIA since the name change to 1st MLG. I don't personally know if I like the reason why he got the Purple Heart, but he earned it. I started to think about him being a hero and what it means. He is a hero, whether he chooses to believe it or not. He has shed his blood numerous times for his Country, our Country. See here and here. He has fought side by side with his Marines. He is the first one out of the humvee, the last one in. The first one in a door and the last one out. The last one to bed and the first one up. He won't send his Marines on a Mission unless he is with them. He rides in the front of the convoys they are on. He stands by his Marines who have needed guidance. He stands by his Marines and given them comfort when it is needed. I will quote him from another post: "Have you ever been souly responsible for another? How about 100 or more? Have you ever held a dying man in your arms that you were in charge of? Have you ever had 14 of your buddies hurt when you told them to do a job? Have you ever been faced with a child holding a weapon trying to kill you? Have you ever had to inventory your buddies gear to send home to his family? Have you ever had to make the choice of their lives or yours? Have you ever been blood drenched on battlefield and could not take the time for yourself because you were LEADING THE WAY???? Have you ever been bleeding profusely and then have someone tell you that you were going to die? Have you ever had one of your buddies put into a body bag and you flew them to safety so they could go home????" This is the Marine he is. The one who is just doing his job. He has not asked for any recognition in any of it. To him he is just doing his job. To me he is a great man, a hero, who has courage, honor, commitment and made a immense sacrifice to provide for our Country's future and our children's future, whether he chooses to believe it or not. So very few people actually ever do this and will never understand what sacrifices he makes or men like him make. I am Honored to be Proudly Standing Beside this United State Marine! Semper Fi! dyzgoneby

Sunshine

Today has been interesting to say the least. We finally have sunshine, sorta. There is still clouds in the sky, but I see SUN....YEAH!!! Oh yah, it will only last until tomorrow, then the storms are coming in back to back for a few more rounds. Just in time for the weekend. Yippy. This morning, my mood was pretty happy and cheerful. Nope, I haven't heard from Sniper in 8 days, it's all good. I had a dentist appointment with the specialist, who only does root canals. Yep, just what I really wasn't thinking would happen to day, did. I had a root canal done on that wonderful tooth, for the 2nd time. He sat there drilling for what seemed like hours, when it was only 2. The good thing is they saved the tooth and the crown that was on there. I won't need to replace it (my pocket book loves that). I tried to go back to work, but I was so out of it, they sent me home. So here I sit and type on this damn thing, instead of resting (yep, the novocain is wearing off and it's to early for a drink). Then again, my house needs to be cleaned. I think that will wait and I will declare field day on Saturday (munchkins atta love that). The last few days I have been pretty busy between work and shopping. I decided it was time for spring/summer clothes. Maybe if I buy them and wear them, the sun will come out, tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there'll be sun....anywho, at least that's my thinking. So I had fun shopping every night after work this week and not getting home until 2100. I ended up with a new wardrobe and damn it's been years since I did that. What feels even better is I paid cash for it all and there is no credit card to pay it off next month. I also, decided if I stay super busy with the kids gone this week, just maybe not hearing or seeing Sniper would help pass the time and make things just a little easier. It seemed to have worked. The only thing I have not accomplished is studying. As of yet, I have read the first 3 pages. That's not going to get me far. I haven't set the date for the exam, but I am shooting for end of June. Damn, that's less than 2 months away, I better hit the books. dyzgoneby way too many days until Sniper is in my arms again

DoD Identifies Marine Casualties

The Department of Defense announced today the death of six Marines, who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. Cpl. Andres Aguilar Jr., 21, of Victoria, Texas Cpl. David A. Bass, 20, of Nashville, Tenn. Lance Cpl. Patrick J. Gallagher, 27, of Jacksonville, Fla. Lance Cpl. Felipe D. Sandoval-Flores, 20, of Los Angeles, Calif. Cpl. Brian R. St. Germain, 22, of Warwick, R.I. Staff Sgt. Abraham G. Twitchell, 28, of Yelm, Wash. All Marines died April 2, when the seven-ton truck they were riding in rolled over in a flash flood near Al Asad, Iraq. Aguilar was assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Kaneohe Bay, Hawaii. Bass, Gallagher, Sandoval-Flores and St. Germain were all assigned to elements of the 1st Marine Logistics Group, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif. Twitchell was assigned to the Combat Service Support Group-1, 1st Marine Logistics Group, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Twentynine Palms, Calif. My heart, thoughts and prayers go out to all these fallen hero's. May you find comfort in knowing we all mourn for the loss of your precious sons and may God give comfort and support to the 1st MLG, 3/3 and CSSG 1 as they deal with this tragedy in their lives. dyzgoneby

Feeling a Little Down

I hate it when the house is so quiet and with all this rain it is so depressing. Today, I watched the news of the Marines killed near al Asad. You can read here. I know better than to pay attention, but it is hard not to. My heart always stops beating and the my insides go numb. I need to realize it is just torture to myself to watch, but I can't help it. Needless to say, it was a emotional day for me. I didn't cry on the outside, my heart just felt like it was being ripped to shreds from the inside out. Then I just felt very numb. Those around me never suspected a thing. Tonight I come home to a very quiet house. Too quiet, I can't seem to do anything. I have ended up holding up in my room, staring at my computer and pictures of Sniper. I just miss him so much. I'm tired, maybe that is my problem. I need to have a drink, long hot bath and then hit the rack. I haven't had a day/night like this in a while. Damn rollercoaster. I want off of this ride and to wake-up next year, but that's not reality. Tomorrow is another day. ______________________________ Though we are so far apart, Forever I feel you in my heart. You make me feel so loved, Like feelings sent from Him above. Just the thought of you My Dear, Makes me wish that you were here. I close my eyes and what I see, Is the man I long for to be with me. Every little thought of you, Makes me glad of who we did choose. Thank you God from my heart, Though we are so far apart. Dyzgoneby 354 days to go

Rain, Rain Go Away & Don't Come Back Until Next Year

I am so tired of all the rain we have had this year. I live in supposedly "Sunny" now "Rainy" Northern California. I think somebody is playing a mean trick, because I haven't seen much of the sun in the last 2 months. I want sunshine, please. Rain is very depressing after awhile. I am stuck in this damn house and the kids are driving me insane. Drama Queen doesn't care if it is raining, she loves playing in it. She doesn't understand why I won't let her play in the park with it raining. Maybe it has something to do with not wanting to clean up all the mud on her clothes when she comes home or maybe I don't want her to be sick or maybe I am just being a plain ol' meanie. Being stuck in the house, my mind starts to wander. I don't want it to wander. When it wanders, I start to really miss Sniper and start to become emotional. I start to wonder where he is at, what he is doing, is he safe? The usual worries. It's even harder when the kids are gone. They go back to Jedi's tomorrow. I am not looking forward to the house being quiet. I finally realized, as long as the kids are around, I stay super busy. When they aren't here, it's.....just......quiet. I want to be outside, playing in my yard. Well, I can't do that. I guess that leaves me with one option, study, study, study. I haven't done that yet. Remember my moto, "Put off today, what you can do tomorrow." I need to change my philosophy. dyzgoneby 356 days to go, at least we are under the 1 year mark

Brad Paisley

I scored some seriously awesome seats to a Brad Paisley concert. YEAHHHHHHH!!!! I have been looking forward to seeing Brad Paisley in May. I went online yesterday and I bought tickets for Bubba, Drama Queen and myself. The seats are on the floor, right smack middle of the stage. I am sooo excited. Can you tell? Bubba and Drama Queen are pretty excited as well. dyzgoneby

Sniper's Mom

This afternoon I was checking my email and came across a comment that surprised me. As I read this, the tears started to fall. I heard that she had seen my blog, but didn't know that she read it. The comment was posted on this. Here is her comment: "Having been raised in a military family, I thought I was pretty savy to the going's on in the military. Never in a million years did I think my son would chose that life style for himself. Although I would have preferred him to have chosen a different road, I stand behind him 100%. I am very grateful to all those who are supporting Sniper and Dyz. You see, this is my sons 2nd tour in the sandbox, and speaking as a MOM, I just want him home. Best to you all!!! SNIPER'S MOM " To SM: You have done a amazing job raising him (and his sister) and now his son. Sniper is a wonderful, smart, sometimes smart ass (ok quite often), humorous, dedicated, kind, gentle and loving man. He has a heart of gold and would do anything for anyone, including giving up his family for his Country. (I won't even pretend to know how hard it has been on all of you through the years. I know for me it's not easy in the short amount of time we have been back together.) He can be fierce like a lion or gentle as a lamb. But, a lot of this has come from you and how you raised him. You did a damn fine job of raising him. I know the Marine Corps has changed him in so many ways. He is not the same man he once was so many years ago. He will never be that man again. We can only hope the demons he has seen will one day become easier to endure for him. We can only hope that someday that man we both love can find his way back to how he used to be. However, he will always be your "little boy." This I understand. I know from personal experience, how hard it is to raise your kids, let alone being a single parent. He is someone I am very honored to know and love with all my heart. I am also honored to someday, with God's grace, have him as my husband and you as my mother-in-law. You have been wonderful to me and I cherish the times when we talk. We may not always agree on some of the things he does, but we both love him dearly. You as a mom and me as his soul mate. I was very moved that you read what I have wrote here. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for posting your comment. It meant more to me than you will ever understand. dyzgoneby